Can't find my way home
by WeAreAllABunchOfLiars
Summary: The boys of My Chemical Romance in High School. Friendship, love, humor and complications.
1. Chapter 1

Alexandra Bryar - called Alex

16 years old

She wears glasses black emo style or contacts, has blond hair with some red in, the hair is cut short also emo fashion.

She just moved to Newark New Jersey from New York where she lived with her mother, she was send away to live with her father step mother and

brother. She's into music, drawing and writing stuff.

Bob Bryar

Alexandra's brother

17 years old

Frank Iero

15 years old

Gerard Way

17 years old

Mikey Way

16 years old

Ray Toro

17 years old


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the recognisable characters in this story.

(Well in my head MCR is all mine but sadly not IRL)

Okay hope you like the sory, please let me know ^^ thanks to Carro you are tha best ever ^^

The flight was seriously boring and my iPod had died an hour ago since I had forgotten to charge it. Instead of listening to music that I had planed to do I started to think about my life.

I never really liked it at my mother's new place, boyfriends coming and going when ever they wanted, to much alcohol involved. That combination didn't work for me. I missed my brother and father a lot but my mother had decided she wanted me in the divorce 5 years ago. As a result of the divorce my brother and I were now like strangers. The few times a year we met we each listened to our ipods and pretty much ignored each other. I am and had been a loner ever since the divorce. That's a couple of the reasons why I started cutting my self and now my mother seems have had enough of me and have send me away, hopefully for ever, to live at my fathers place.

"Please fasten your seatbelts, put up your tray and switch of all your electrical apparatus, the landing will begin in a few minutes" a steward was talking in the intercom radio.

Finally, I was thinking to myself since I was bored out of my mind and I hoped that this was the beginning of a better life for me. I always had liked my father better than my mother and his new wife wasn't too bad either.

Fifteen minutes later I walked of the plane in to the airport, I got my bags and tried to find my father.

"Hi pumpkin" my father smiled at me and gave me a hug. "How are you doing?"

I smiled at him and returned the hug. "Never been better" I answered the question with a big smile. I got a hug from my stepmother Alice. Then I notice my brother Bob was missing and after a second of hesitation I asked "So where is Bob?"

My fathers smile faded away. "He is at home, he couldn't bee here to meet you…"

I couldn't help to feel a sting into my heart at that statement; my only brother had let me down, though he hadn't promised to meet me at the airport or anything. Still, I thought he cared enough about me to be there. I wanted to ask why he wasn't there but there was something in my father's eyes stopping me.

When we finally got to my fathers house, my new home I started to unpack my bags, it didn't take very long, unlike normal 16 year old girls I didn't own a lot of clothes.

"Yo Alex!!" I heard a voice coming from the door. I turned around slowly to see my older brother standing over there with a huge smile on his face, he looked tired and I could see that he had a hangover from last night. Apart from that he looked good as always.

"BOB!!!" I run over to him and got a big hug. "I missed you at the airport" I said suddenly, sounding like a stubborn five year old that didn't get what he wanted.

"I'm sorry for that, I had too much to drink last night" he looked kind of guilty and I almost felt sorry for him.

We chattered for ten minutes before Alice told us to get our lazy asses into the kitchen for lunch.

The day after my arrival Alice decided I needed some more clothes and took me shopping. I hate shopping but since I got a pair of black kickass skinny jeans and some new T-shirts I felt satisfied anyway.

The weekend passed by faster than I hoped for, I didn't like the thought of being new at school, just knowing my brother who was in the grade over me.

In the morning I got up from my bed, put on my new pair of jeans and a smashing pumpkins t-shirt, my favorite one. I got into the bathroom and put my makeup on, not much, mascara and eyeliner. The black makeup made me look even paler than I was but I didn't care enough. Besides, I really like it that way, the emo-style did work for me.

I got out of the bathroom and made my way into the kitchen, following the smell of newly made coffe, I took a cup and poured it down my throat. Bob came down and did the exact same thing before he looked at me.

"Are you ready?"

"Totally" I smiled at him, he looked like he was in a better condition then the afternoon I came.

We started to walk to school in silence, not really know what to say.

"How does it feel?" I wasn't prepared for his question and I suddenly felt very confused.

"What?"

"To have like a second chance" he stopped talking for a second. "You know able to start all over again, not have anyone knowing your past…"

We walked in silence before I came up with an answer. "It feels kind of nice, and scary 'cause I can be who ever I want to be, but I don't know who that is, you know."

I looked at Bob and he at me, he didn't say a single word, he didn't for the rest of the walk but I could read in his eyes that he understand perfectly what I had said.

My first lesson was math, the teacher told me to sit next to a pale, cute boy wearing glasses and a seriously cool hairstyle. He was all dressed in black and he looked like a loner just like me. He barely looked at me nor did he introduced himself.

Next up was English class, we read a novel and discussed it, I was too afraid to say anything. I didn't want to mess up the first day, though it looked like I was going to be a loner the rest of my time in high school. There was this boy I sat next to at math and another boy who looked kind of emo-stylish just like me. These two boys could be the ending for my lonely life. I wouldn't count on that thought, since math boy hadn't looked at me and the other one hadn't noticed me either. It looked like my life was for ever doomed to loneliness.

The bell called for lunch and I got out of my seat the fastest I could, in the cafeteria I looked after an empty table but they were all full. Suddenly I saw a table with two free seats, I went over there.

"Want a seat?" it was the boy with glasses from math class.

"Sure" I answered.

"Gerard move your fat ass so the girl can have a seat" the emo boy who didn't look at me before was now speaking.

I blushed, the curse of being pale skinned, and sat down. Just as I sat down one of the guys from the football team dumped his trash on the last seat at the table. No one of the boys bothered to care so neither did I.

"So are you new here?" the boy named Gerard suddenly said.

"Uh huh" suddenly I felt very shy and looked down into my plate.

"ALEX!!!" Bobs voice cut through the noise in the cafeteria. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" My head popped up in surprise and before I had a chance to say anything my brother had dragged me out of the cafeteria…

To be continued, I promise ^^


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I still (sadly) don't own any of the characters (I promise it will happen some day but not yet).

Carro you are the best, cutest and most fun ever ^^

Bobs POV.

I walked into the cafeteria and headed down to our regular table when I saw a familiar face among the guys. I love my baby sister and therefore I want to protect her from the life of an outcast. "ALEX!!! What the hell do you think you are doing?" I saw my sister's head popping up, her eyes looking at me in surprise. Before she could explain I had dragged her out of the cafeteria.

"What the fuck?" She looked at me with anger in her eyes. "I was just about to eat my lunch. You are fucking crazy, dude." I took a deep breath. "Just let me explain…" I looked right at her and I could see her eyes go from mad to curious.

Alex POV.

My brother was obviously crazy but his action had made me curious. "Come on, I'm hungry, explain." "These guys are my best friends, we are the outcasts of the school and… I… um…" he stopped for a second. "I don't want you to hang out with us, the freaks. You'll be just like us, it is not a good thing, you know." He stopped talking and looked at me to gauge my reaction. "You don't want me around your friends just to protect me from bullies??" I felt the anger rise again. "And I don't know what the hell you mean, man." He hesitated for a second then spoke again. "You can have a fresh start, now here today, you said you wanted to… and if you hang around us you'll just end up in Gee's and Mikey's basement getting drunk and picked on at school. Why would you want your life to bee like that? It could be so much better" I felt tears burning in my eyes. "You are fucking crazy, I rather be with the outcasts than without friends again. Or have to hang out with the bimbos, I rather die than do that. Anyhow you don't know what I have been through the last couple of years since the divorce. You never bothered to care" My words were hard but true. I could now feel the tears running down my cheeks, I wiped them off, too embarrassed to look at Bob. People had started to look at us, they wanted some drama. "Okay, I haven't got a fucking clue, but you stopped talking to me, we have both fucked this up. Sorry sis." Seconds passed by with neither of us talking. "Getting drunk is kind of nice" I tried to smile. "Okay, it's your life, don't come to me and complain if it sucks, remember that I warned you" Bob mumbled more to himself than to me. We walked back into the cafeteria in silence.

"Bob what the fuck?" four pairs of eyes were staring at me and Bob when we walked to the table. "Ehm, guys this is my sister Alex… She just moved here from our mother's place in New York." The guys kept staring at me, Bob hadn't told them about me, I felt another sting in my heart. "Awesome" It was a guy with an afro talking, I hadn't notice him before. "I'm Ray" he introduced himself. "Gerard" one of the other boys was talking. "And that's my younger brother Mikey" he pointed at math boy. "And I'm Frank" it was the last emo boy talking. "Hey everyone" I smiled but felt extremely uncountable since they kept staring at me and Bob. I hate being the center of attention. "You never told us you had a sister" Gerard was talking to Bob. "Well, 'cause you are stupid and don't understand that Alex is short for Alexandra" A big smile spread over Bobs face. "Is it okay if she um, like hangs out with us until she find some friends of her own?" All of the boys nodded and smiled at me.

The afternoon went by without any more surprises, Frank and Mikey kept talking about good and bad teachers, this week's homework and kids I should avoid. It was surprisingly nice to have people to hang with and talk to. I wasn't used to the luxury of friends.

After the last class I was heading home, when I suddenly heard Frank yelling after me. I turned around and looked into his cute face.

"Hey Alex, where do you think 'ya going??" he sounded quite upset. "Ehm home?" I answered him. "Not alone, too dangerous" he paused for a second. "You can't go outside alone as a girl; I thought Bob had told you. I'll walk you home." My first thought was to argue with him but I realized it probably wouldn't help. So I let him walk me home, during the walk we did some small talking about nothing at all really. "Okay see you tonight, then." Frank said with a smile and gave me a hug. "Tonight?" I didn't understand anything. "Yeah, half past seven at the Way Residence. Just hang out a little, it will be fun. Bye" "Bye" I looked after him when he walked down the street to his home.

To be continued, promise!

Hope you liked this chapter; please let me know what you think!!


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: Well still, i know it sucks :(, i don't own the characters in this story... (working at a plan to kidnap them ^^)

Carro, jag höll på att missa disclaimern igen xD tack för hjälpen du är bäst ^^

The afternoon passed by, I did some homework and was surprisingly not bored out of my mind. Bob came home about an hour after me and he went straight to his room. Music was heard through the closed door of his bedroom only minutes after the front door had been slammed shut. I recognized the tunes of Iron Maiden, a good choice in my opinion. Alice came home and made us dinner.

"So, pumpkin, how was first day at school" our father was asking. "DAD! Don't call me that!! I have a name, use it!" I could tell my cheeks went from pale to red again. "Okay, Alex how was school?" our father once again asked me the question. "It was okay, I um found some guys to hang out with, well Bob's friends really, but two of them are in my class. They seem to bee awesome" I smiled at my father and he smiled back but I could see that he wasn't to happy about my new found friends. "Oh, is it Mikey and Frank?" Alice asked "They seem like such lovely boys." "Don't let a nice outside fool you" My father answered her. I didn't understand what he was talking about but I got a feeling that he didn't like that I hung out with them…

…and he looked into her dark eyes. "You know I love you, but I have to let you go, my spirit…"

My door opened, I looked up from my book, and I could see Bobs face in the door. "Come on sis' we have to go!" "Bro', I don't know them, it will suck." I didn't feel like going to the way brothers' house. "Of course it won't suck." He threw my jacket at me. "Let's go, NOW." He ordered me to go, and I was a bit curious so I got up from the bed and took my jacket and bag. We got out and headed to an unknown destination, well at least for me.

"Well, I can tell you some stuff 'bout the guys; everyone loves comic books, they are geeky but humble. Frank is a fucking genius at playing guitar, he's got so much energy and he is one of the best friends you can get, well anyone of them are, really." Bob looked at me and smiled proudly. "Gerard can be complicated, he have been let down too many times, just never let him down… And he draws like a god, just wait and see. Ray is the mysterious man with the brain. That's all I can say 'bout him." He smiled again. "And Mikey?" I was excited to know more. "Wait and see, just wait and see. We are here, the Way residence."

Gerard opened the door, it was the first time I really looked at him and he was good looking, but he had something dark over him, maybe it was the fact that he had been let down too many times. I don't know. "Hey dude." He and Bob was doing some pretty gay handshakes, I just shook my head and tried to get into the house, but before I got in someone was giving me a big hug. "WHAT THE…" I screamed out loud but before I had finished the sentence I saw the one who had attacked me, it was Frank of course. "Calm down Alex. No need to be aggressive" He was smiling big and I got the feeling he liked me a little too much, nothing bad with that except for the fact I didn't look for a boyfriend. "Are they finally here?" a voice came from the basement and I recognized it as Mikey. "Yeah" Bob answered him and signed for me to follow him downstairs. A smell of coffee and old cigarette smoke hit me as I climbed down the stairs. I didn't know what to expect, but it was noting like what I had imagined. There were amazing drawings on the walls, cd's and comic books were lying on every available surface. It looked like a place where I really could get used to hang out.

Mikey was lying on a sofa looking at some cartoon show, it looked like family guy, one of my personal favorites.

Suddenly someone turned off the TV and Mikey looked around the room with murder in his eyes. "Hey I was watching that!! Stupid fucker!" "Shut up" Ray said talking a corner of the room, he had been hidden from my view until now. "Tell us 'bout yourself, cutie" Frank looked at me. "Ehm what do you wanna know?" I was embarrassed, not used to be called stuff like that. "Everything" Gerard said and gave me a friendly smile. I took a deep breath, I had always hated to be the centre of anything and I felt the panic come crawling over me. "Ehm well, when mum and dad divorced, mum decided she wanted me. She took me to New York and…" I stopped and found five pair of eyes starring at me, it got harder to breath and I tried to calm myself down to stop my self from starting to hyperventilate. Then I tried to continue the story with my eyes on my brother's face, but suddenly I felt dizzy and cold. I recognized the symptoms, it was a panic attack and I felt trapped. The faces kept staring me with worried eyes. I got up from the chair I was sitting in with an urge to get out before the panic was all over me, and then everything went blank.

OH MY GOD ;) please let me know if you like it ^^ it will continue!!


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the wounderful boys from one of the best bands ever My Chemical Romance... and it sucks!!and btw happy birtday Mikey... one day too late xD

Japp Carro ingen fattar vad vi säger mahahahahahh ;) gött att du är frisk igen ^^ men du har gjort ett mycket bra jobb igen ^^

"OH MY GOD!! Is she breathing?" Someone gasped. "What the hell happened?" I could hear someone talking far, far away and then I felt someone lifting me up. The boys were in panic; well it wasn't strange that I had had gotten a panic attack. None of them knew that I couldn't bear people staring at me, I was about to leave the room when I had passed out.

Suddenly I felt fresh air in my face, witch always made me feel much better. I managed to open my eyes only to find myself in my brother's arms, he gently put me down on the grass.

"Alex, what in hell happened to you?" The worry he felt was evident in his voice. I looked and saw the guys standing around me. "Just leave me alone for a second…" I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate again. "I'll…be fine…"

The boys looked at each other and one by one they went indoors. I closed my eyes, concentrating on getting my breathing back to normal. I don't know for how long I sat there before I heard the front door open.

"I thought you might want some water." I looked up, and stared right into Gerard's hazel eyes. "Thanks." "Tell me what happened in there, no lying, I hate lies." He looked at me with his beautiful eyes. I took a deep breath and a sip from the glass. "Panic attack, can't stand it when people are staring at me… and other things like that. It sucks." I felt warmer again, the attack was starting to substend and I took of my hoodie. Gerard grabbed my hand. "You should have told us Alex, I'm so sorry. Are you okay now?" "Yeah, still a little bit dizzy but give me something to eat and I will be fit for fight again." I smiled at him. He leaded me into the house again and pointed down the stairs. I walked down, feeling nervous as hell.

They weren't staring; they were busy with tickling Frank. He was begging for mercy but no one listened. Since Frank was the smallest guy in the gang, Mikey could hold him as the others tickled.

"Nooooooo, no more I'm begging you, I can't stand it." Frank gasped for breath and I couldn't help but to giggle, it felt like I was starting to find my way home, this could be my family. I didn't care about this morning's conversation with Bob, this was my new start.

The guys stopped the fight as they heard me giggle and looked at me with worried eyes. It felt uncomfortable but still okay. "I'm fine, I promise! I'll explain another time." Then I walked up to Frank and join in on the tickling.

The evening passed by, we talked and had a lot of fun; I felt more and more comfortable with these guys, but for how long?

To be to countinued ^^

Like it?? :) let me know what you thinks :)


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: I *sob* do not own the characters in this story… (well not yet, got a great plan ^^)

Maha måste tacka dig Carro ^^ jag har fått besatta fans nu  det känns bra :D

The next morning I got up from my comfortable bed and I decided to wear a black tank top with skulls on and a black pair of jeans. I got into the bathroom and put on my makeup, then I walked downstairs into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee down my throat before Bob and I left for school.

"What happened to you last night? I won't tell the guys but as your brother I want to know." Once again I had to tell the story. "I can't stand to be in the centre of people's attention, I had a panic attack. That's why I didn't want to go last night."

"Sorry, but you should have told me."

"It's okay, I'm fine" I smiled at him but the truth was I was terrified that it would happen again. Outside the school gates we found the gang waiting for us. Gerard and Frank were smoking and Gerard threw his cigarette pack to Bob. He took one for himself and threw it back. I gave him a killer look; I didn't like the idea of my older brother, whom should be a role model for me, smoking. But I guess he gave up that role five years ago.

"Frank, Mikey; we should leave, we will be late…" I told them and we headed into the school building.

The midmorning passed by slowly, it was boring and I couldn't wait for the lunch hour to come. When lunch finally came Frank went outside to get a smoke together with Gerard and Bob while Mikey took me to the cafeteria, and Ray had disappeared. As we sat down at the table some of the football players went by and dumped their trash on our table, I had a hard time to just ignoring but I did like Mikey did.

"Why do you put up with this?" I had to ask.

"What can we do? If we try to do something they will just kick our asses and it will just get worse. It sucks, I would know. You just have to stop bothering."

As we talked Bob, Gerard and Frank came. "Fuck these idiots." Gerard mumbled as he cleaned up the seats. "Where is Ray?" Mikey asked. "He didn't tell me, but I bet he's with Sofi." Gerard answered him. "His girlfriend, he is a fucking lucky son of a bitch." he continued when he saw the look on my confused face.

"Six o'clock tonight?" Frank asked Gerard. "Why not? Bryar, are you coming?" Everyone looked at us. "Probably." Bob answered. Then we all separated and went on to our different classes.

**Gerard**** Pov.**

When we had split up with the younger ones after lunch Bob went on to the math class.I decided to ditch the class since I had a lot on my mind.

I left the school area, smoking a cigarette and just walked around for a while before I ended up outside StarBucks. I went inside, ordered a cup of coffee and walked into a dark corner, to my favorite table. I took a sip from my coffee and then I surrendered to my thoughts.

Yesterday's meeting with Alex outside my house after she had passed out had brought some old memories back to life. I had taken her hand and the scars on her thin wrists had brought old feelings back to me. The first time it was Rebecca. I had been fourteen years and had a crush on her. I told her and she said she loved me but she still she ended up making out with one of the popular boys. It crushed me and I had started to hurt myself. My parents had freaked out when they realized but I had slipped into a deep depression and I didn't give a damn. Then there was Em. She was the girl who together with my friends got me out of that depression. We had a great relation for eight months but then she fell in love with some other guy and left me and I felt worse than ever. I don't know how I got out from that depression, I guess I never really did… my friends don't know but sometimes I still cut myself. Anyhow, right now I have a crush on this girl called Barbara, she is Sofi's friend and it hurts like hell knowing she doesn't like me back.

"Beep. Beep." I was roughly woken out of my thinking. It was my cell phone; I had gotten a text message from Bob. **Dude, come on! English class in 15 minutes, don't let me down.**

I got up from the chair, poured down the last of the coffee down my throat and hurried back to school.

**Alex**** Pov.**

"Tick-tack. Tick-tack." I tried hard not to fall asleep. Usually I really enjoyed history class but not today, I had never been so bored in my entire life. I can promise you that. Mikey and I were drawing pictures on different ways to kill ourselves. Frank on the other hand had fallen asleep.

"Please read pages 105 to 123 until Friday. Have a nice evening." Mr. Green told us when the bell rang and we headed out of the classroom.

Just like the day before Frank escorted me home to my door, but unlike yesterday I didn't study, instead I went straight to my bed and fell asleep. The next thing I knew I felt a pair of soft lips on my own.

LOVE ME :D or something, I will continue the story….tomorrow ^^


	7. Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the caracters in this story (not today but someday I will!! ^^)

Carro^^ tack så mkt du äger på att redigera ^^

I opened my eyes slowly not knowing who to expect seeing. Surprised I looked into the eyes of Frank Iero. I returned the kiss and then I slowly pulled my lips away from his lips. Still shocked by his action I looked at Frank's face, which slowly turned red in front of my eyes. "I'm so sorry… Bob send me to wake you up and… I just felt like kissing you. You looked so pretty…" Frank started to explain the reason behind his action but after a while he stopped and just looked at me. "Ehm, it's okay, really." I didn't know what to say to him. We just looked at each other. "I should get out of here so you could get yourself ready for going to Gerard and Mikey." That's all he said before leaving me all by myself in my room. I didn't know what to do but after a few minutes I got up from the bed and into the bathroom where I fixed my make-up before going down into the kitchen where I found Bob and Frank smoking and drinking coffee. I helped myself to a cup just before we left the house. I walked in silence behind the two boys, they where taking about some horror movie they wanted to see at the cinema this weekend. One time Frank turned around and looked at me and I could tell he was still a little red on his cheeks; I on the other hand didn't know what to feel.

"Hi guys." Mikey opened the door. "Everyone are downstairs, Sofi and Barb too." Mikey winked at Frank and Bob, I didn't understand what he meant but I was all about to figure that out. Smoke was rising from downstairs and we climbed down. I saw Gerard sitting next to a cute chick in the sofa, he was drawing and they talked a little. Ray was making out with a black haired chick in the back of the room.

"Suckers, the rest are here." Mikey called out. Everyone looked up and their eyes fell on me. I stepped forward to introduce myself. "Hey… I'm Alex, Bob's sister." I told them and then I backed away and sat down in the other sofa. Mikey went straight to Gerard's other side and turned the television on.

Bob went up to Gerard and looked at the drawing. Frank looked nervously around the room for a seat that wasn't next to me. Finally he gave up and sat down beside me.

"Hi, I'm, Barbara but you can call me Barb." The girl next to Gerard spoke to me and she smiled a little. "How old are you?" She ignored Gerard and started to talk to me instead. "16. Just like Mikey and Frank." I answered her. It turned out she was as old as me but she had skipped a class and she was in the same classed as my brother, Gerard and Ray. She also told me she was Sofi's, Ray's girlfriends, best friend. That's why she chose to hang out with these guys very often.

"May I see the drawing?" I asked Gerard. He looked up as if he had forgotten I was there, and then he passed me his sketch book and lit up a cigarette. It was an amazing portrait of Barb, not finished but it still looked amazingly alike her. "Beautiful. You should be an artist." I told him and smiled. "Really? Do you think it's good?" I could the doubt in his voice so therefore I nodded.

The evening passed by, Mikey, Frank and I had a calm night, we kept our eyes on the TV, Gerard and Mikey had what seemed to be thousands of recorded cartoon shows. The silence was nice, no one noticed the fact that Frank and I tried to ignore each other.

As we kept staring at the TV, the older ones sat in a dark corner smoking and talking. After a couple of hours Gerard went to a small fridge and grabbed a couple of bear cans and a bottle of vodka.

I started to realize what Bob had meant with his talk the other day. Frank lit a cigarette and turned around and looked at me for the first time that evening since the kiss. "Want something?" I thought for a second. "Yeah some vodka would be nice!" Frank stepped up from the sofa then turned to Mikey. "Beer?" Mikey nodded, and then Frank went over to Gerard and grabbed the drinks. Frank returned and we drank in silence as we continued to look at the recorded show. Frank grabbed a bottle for us and we kept pouring the alcohol down over throats. After a while Mikey joined the others and left Frank and me in the sofa.

"I'm sorry for what I did before… I hope I didn't ruin, like any friendship." Frank looked sad. I felt so calm; it must have been the drinks. "It's okay. I didn't mind, I just got a little surprised." I moved in the sofa and sat next to him, he looked at me in surprise and I hugged him and he hugged me back.

"DING DONG!" The doorbell rang. Gerard stepped up, and opened the door.

"Where the HELL is SHE??"

Well what do you think? ^^ to be countined :)


	8. Chapter 8

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this amazing story xD

"Where the HELL is SHE??" We heard an angry, male voice screaming from upstairs. "Hey dude, you really schoould …" Gerard tried to calm the owner of the voice down, but he was a bit drunk and not in the best condition to calm someone down.

I looked at Frank who just shook his head, I was in some kind of shock and all I could do was to look around the room, my eyes stopped at Barbs face. She was pale, no not pale, she was practically white.

BONK!! An angry football player, I recognized him as one of the bullies from our school, came storming down the stairs. "BARBARA! What the hell do you think you are doing?" All surprised eyes turned away from the guy and now went to Barb and she looked as if she wanted to disappear though the floor. "David, I'm just hanging out with my friends." "You shouldn't hang out with freaks, honey. You are with me now."

"Don't you honey her! She isn't your honey!" It seemed like the alcohol had made Gerard brave. "And we are not freaks." He continued talking to the guy named David, which wasn't the best thing to do since David turned around. He looked at Gerard and gave him a look that could have killed anyone, and then he threw a punch at Gerard.

"OH MY GOD!" I gasped out loud as Gerard fell down, holding his hands over his nose. Bob ran over to him and dragged him away to the sofa. Frank who also had a little bit too much to drink wobbled up to Barb and David. "You realllly scchould leave, both of you." David looked as if he wanted to hit Frank too, but apparently changed his mind. Then Frank wobbled back to the sofa and looked at the wounded Gerard. Barb walked up to us, everyone who were standing around the sofa, she looked down and then she whispered that she was sorry before she left. She had tears running down her cheeks and her boyfriend was holding her around her waist.

It was quiet, no one moved and no one said a word.

"Fuck, that hurts." Gerard was the first person to break the silence. I wasn't sure if he meant the nose or the fact that Barb had a boyfriend, who had kicked his ass pretty brutally, Gerard had no chance against him. He lit up a cigarette and looked at us.

"Maybe I should take a look at your nose…" I sat down next to Gerard, not waiting for him to agree, and started to exam his nose. It was quite swollen and had an interesting color but it was not broken, at least not from what I could tell. Sofi was standing in the back looking nervous and uncomfortable.

"I should go home, I…" she mumbled to Ray, I couldn't hear the last thing she said. "Dude, take care." Ray told Gerard before the two of them left.

"Well your nose looks okay to me." I told Gerard. "It will just hurt like hell tomorrow!" "It hurts like hell today to." He smiled a little. "Sis', we should get home to, Alice send me a text message, telling us to get out lazy asses home again." Bob looked at me, then said bye to the guys and went upstairs. I gave Gerard and Mikey a hug. Then I realized I had no idea what to do with Frank. He wobbled, still not sober, up to me and gave me a big comfortable hug. Then I climbed upstairs to my brother and we walked home in silence. I had a lot on my mind…

To be continued ^^

Hope you still love the story :) because I love you ^^


	9. Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER: Still I don't own the beautiful boys of My Chemical Romnace :( xD

Carro: tack för kapitlet ^^ har ju något att göra nu när jag sitter i bilen till örebro xD

The next morning passed by without any drama. Frank wasn't in school that day; he was probably sic witch sucked hard since I really needed to talk to him. Mikey and I walked to the lunchroom together where we met Bob and Gerard. Gerard's face still looked pretty brutal from the fight some nights ago, but his eyes were still so beautiful. He still looked good even though his nose had an interesting color…

I was tired and I didn't want to talk to anyone; I had slept badly ever since the kiss Frank had given me. I had been awake all night thinking about Frank and me and what I should do. All I did was keeping my eyes down at my tray.

"Where is Frankieboy?" Gerard smiled at his brother.

"I don't know, Alex do you know?" I shook my head then answered.

"Nope, haven't got a clue." I continued staring down at my tray.

"Hey sis', how ya doing?" I finally tore my eyes from the tray.

"I fucking need coffee!!" I moaned.

"HAHAHA!!" Gerard was laughing out loud, and I did the only right thing, I hit his arm, hard, really hard. He stopped laughing, and he looked a little bit humiliated and then he walked away and bought me a cup of coffee. I poured it down my throat before Mikey and I left for math class.

When I got home from school alone I decided to put my jogging outfit on, then I left for a run. I always think better while working out and Frank hadn't left my mind ever since the kiss. 40 minutes later I started to see little black stars dancing in front of my eyes, I felt nauseas and a little faint, but now I finally knew what I should do. When I got home again I went into the bathroom, still feeling nauseas, and took a long hot shower.

"Hey, Alex where are you going?" My dad stopped me as I was heading out the front door. "Um, to a friend's house… to do some homework…" I didn't look him in the eyes.

"I don't like you hanging around those boys." He looked serious and I was ready to listen to his words but I wasn't in the mood to hear that my father hated my friends.

"Why not, they are my friends!!"

"The older one, Gerard, he was suicidal, tried to kill himself about a year ago… He could take you down to. And he introduced Bob to smoking; he is just bad for you." My father paused and looked at me again.

"And the other ones are not a good for you." He continued.

"Well they are my friends and I'm going now. If you got a problem with that, you can go fuck yourself!!! I fucking hate you!" I stormed out of the house and slammed the front door shut, and then angry I started to walk away from my home.

When I finally had found the right house about a half an hour later, I felt nervous as hell and I started to doubt if it really was a good idea. I walked up to the door and rang the bell. Frank opened the door and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. "Hi…"

"Alex what are you doing here?" He asked and he looked confused.

"I needed to talk to you, but you weren't in school today, are you sick or why weren't you there?" I stopped talking, feeling a little bit embarrassed.

"Come in!!" He laughed at my nervous blabbering as I walked past him into the house. He gave me a hug and then he showed me the way to his bedroom. There were band posters covering most of the walls and comic books lying all over the floor but somehow it felt very cozy. Frank sat down on the bed and so did I.

"You wanted to talk to me…?" He looked confused again and that was very cute and charming and once again I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.

"What… oh yes." Then for a long silent second I didn't know what to say, every single word was gone.

"I need to know, what did that kiss mean?" I didn't dare to look at his beautiful face.

"Do you care for me or was it just something you did? I need to know, I can't sleep, I can't even eat!!" Then I held my breath.

"Well…" He said.

**Well hope you like this chapeter ^^ I'm really sorry that I don't update very often :( but you still love me? ^^ xD**


	10. A message from me

**_Hello, all of my beautiful readers, I know that a lot of you are waiting for the next chapter in this story, can't find my way home, and I promise you that I haven't died, stop writing or something. I have so much to do in school right now, that I don't have the time to breathe nor sit down. This sucks because I have some new ideas for the story, but I don't have the time. Just be patient and have faith in that I will survive the next couple of weeks and I will post a new amazing chapter as fast as possible. ^^_**

**_//WeAreAllABuchOfLiars  
_**


	11. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: I don't own my chemical romance, I just borrow the characters to my story.

Well here you go people, another chapter for you ^^

"Well…" Frank looked nervous; he took a deep breath before he once again spoke. "I like you, no I don't like you I probably love you, but I'm not sure since we haven't known each other very long and I can't stand to be near you if you reject me, if I love you witch I'm not sure about. I'm not like Gerard, I can't take that pain and…" Once again he stopped and glanced at me just to se my reaction.

At first I was staring at his walls, he wasn't kidding… He sure as hell wasn't kidding!! My hands were shaking and I couldn't do anything about it. One second passed by, then two and three.

"Alex, would you please say something? Just something!! Please?" Frank sounded like he didn't know what to do, the same way I felt.

"Do you really, really like me? Or is this a joke?" It was to bizarre that a boy, this cute and sweet really could like, maybe love me, I couldn't accept it, hello bad self-confident. No one had ever liked me, or told me at least, this wasn't reality to me.

"Close your eyes." That was the only answer I got from him and the second I closed my eyes I felt his soft lips against mine. I returned his kiss and this time I didn't push him away. I don't know for how long we just sat there kissing, but after a while he let go. I opened my eyes and looked into his hazel eyes. "Now, what do you think, is that a joke? And more interesting what are your feelings about me?" His cheeks were slowly turning red and all I could do was to smile before I kissed him. "Am I supposed take that as a yes? I am actually a bit confused!!" I looked shocked into Frank's eyes and when I realized he was just joking I hit his tummy hard, Bob and I used to fight a lot as kids I still react like that when someone is stupid. "Hey!!" Frank gasped for breath after my punching. "Yes, darling that was a yes." I smiled at him and kissed him again.

"Frank, turn the music down please!!" Someone was banging the door, and Frank opened it. A woman walked into the room, she was all about starting to yell at Frank when she saw me.

"Oh… hi, I'm Alex Bryar, Frank and…" I tried to introduce myself and she smiled at me, then she returned her attention to her son. "Would you please turn the music down Frank? Or at least change it?"

Frank sighed, and then he turned around to look at me. "Alex, what do you want to listen at? My records are over there." He pointed at his messy bookshelf and as his mother left the room I walked over there. I went trough his records for a while until I found an old Green Day record. "I haven't heard this for like two or three years, think Bob steal it one time when I visited dad." I told him as he put it in the CD player. He turned the volume down a bit and then we sang in the old familiar tunes together. When the last song ended I looked at my mobile phone and realized my dad would be furious, it was late and I had a very strong memory telling him to go and fuck himself. It wasn't probably a good thing to tell your father and I realized I would probably get grounded for like the rest of my life.

"Frankie, my darling, I really have to go, my dad will probably kill me… It is late and I kind of told him to fuck himself earlier today…" I had some problems being serious when I told Frank the story. "HAHA, I can really se your father fucking himself." Frank laughed out loud and followed me to the door where he put his jacket on. "Mum, I follow Alex home." He said to his mother and then he closed the door and took my hand. I didn't expect him to do that and after years of cutting myself I didn't like people to hold my hand so I pulled it away. Frank looked hurt. "Sorry, is it too soon?" "No, I just… It's nothing; would you just drop it please? I'm sorry." I told him, and then I overcame my childish fear by taking his hand. I wasn't sure of what he knew of my past, if he knew anything but as we walked to my house I realized I didn't know anything about him either, really just his name and where he lived and that I really liked him and he liked me.

We walked in silence, just holding hands. When we were close to my home Frank pulled me close to him, he just held me in his arms for a minute then he let go. I looked into his beautiful eyes and then I kissed him. "Can we wait a while to tell the guys?" I asked him. "Yeah baby, if that's your wish we will wait." He whispered in my ear. He kissed me and then I walked home the last meters alone.

To be countinued... ^^

Well hope you liked it, I have like I said had a lot to do in school, that's why it took for ever to make some new chapters. Well my friend hasn't read throught this chapter, that's why the grammar may suck, I am seriously sorry!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters, Frank Iero, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Bob Bryar and Ray Toro, I have said it before but you can't point it out enough. :)**

**Hope you will like this chapter, because I really like it ^^**

_**I must warn you; this chapter is getting darker, blood and stuff. The **__**story will probably continue like this at least for a while. If you have some kind of problem with that please don't read, I am the one telling the story. You decide if you will read it. **_

"Young girl, it is after 10 pm, you are not allowed out this late." My father told me the second I walked through the front door. "Fuck you!" I mumbled to him, I wasn't in the mood for a fight, I was happy, tonight I was in love.

"Don't you use that tone with me." Dad yelled at me. "I use what fucking tone I want." I yelled back. "I fucking hate you!!"

"Why are you so aggressive? I just care about you Alexandra! He sounded calm but I could tell he still was angry with me. "Now you maybe you care, you have to, but not before!!" I ran upstairs and slammed the door shut and then I threw on an old The Used record in the CD player and I turned up the volume.

It shouldn't feel like this, shouldn't bee like this, I should be flying on clouds but all I could think of was the things I had told my father and everything he had said to me. Out of old habits I walked to the place where I had hidden my razors I didn't think I just acted and that was me cut deep cuts into my wrist. It hurt but for some reason I got calm, like the old days. I just stared at the blood pouring down over my wrist before I realized what I had done.

**Franks POV.**

This had been a great day, at least for me, I had skipped school since I couldn't stand being near Alex without knowing her feelings and I had spent the day in my room just listening to music and smoking, not healthy at all but nice as hell. When the night came around Alex had come over to talk and we kind of ended up together.

I didn't walk home I was flying on little pink fluffy clouds.

When I got home I got ready for bed but just before I fell asleep I send a text to Alex.

**Night baby****! 3 **

**Alex POV.**

"Beep." My phone sounded and I got up from my bed, I had still blood on my wrist, it was still bleeding and I saw myself in the mirror when I walked to the floor picking up my phone, I looked miserable. How on earth could Frank like me?

I had got a text message from Frank, I read it and I felt the tears running down over my cheeks. I don't know for how long I sat there just crying my eyes out.

"Bonk." I looked up and saw Bob entering the room; he held a sandwich in his right hand and a cup of tea in the other. I had still tears in my eyes and he just looked at me, concerned. "How are you doing honey?" I sobbed. "Not well… Dad told me not to hang out with the gang, I got mad and left the house and then we got in a fight again when I got back." I shut up for a second then, I talked again. "And that sucks."

Bob put the food down and then he gave me a big hug before we just sat down on the floor. After a couple of minutes he talked. "That's the reason you…" he looked at my wrist. I nodded answering him; I couldn't find the strength to talk. He left the room but came back two minutes later with some bandage to stop the blood. He started to whip the blood of but his hands were shaking and I took over, I had been doing this so many times I didn't remember how many anymore.

"You should eat that." Bob nodded at the plate. "Do you want me to leave?" He continued. I thought for a second. "Could you? I rather bee alone right now…" He hugged me again then left the room. Just before he got out I spoke again. "Hey, would you…like not tell dad or Alice, about this? Please?" He slowly nodded and left me alone with my thoughts.

I was hungry but I couldn't allow myself to eat from the sandwich Bob had brought for me. I still just wanted to cry, but I had no tears left. I took a sip from the tea and I felt nauseas again, this time I had no idea why. I dragged myself to the bed. But once again someone opened my closed door before I could fall asleep. Alice was standing in the door and she looked concerned.

"Can I come in?" I didn't want to talk to her but I didn't want to hurt her feelings either. "Yeah, why not come in." I sat under my blanket and she sat down on my bed. "Your father doesn't mean something mean, he just cares about you. He shouldn't have said those things about your friends, but I don't think this family can handle another fight… Could you try not to care when or if he says things about them? I know they are good guys." "I could do that…" I shut up again. Alice looked at me again. "How are you doing, honey?" I thought for an answer for a second. "I guess its okay, everything is just so…new… and I am tired, I have had a lot in school, since it's the middle of the semester…" She nodded but she didn't look like she had bought my lie. Not that I could care less right now. She kissed me on my forehead and then she left my room.

I looked at my phone and read the message from Frank again, it was so cute. Then I crawled back into the bed. I couldn't sleep because I felt too guilty for what I did before; it had been a month since I had touched my razors. I had thought I could handle the abstinence but just like before when I lived with mum I had given in when something got to hard to handle. After a while my exhausted body said no thanks and I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

**To be continued. Was it too dark? I dunno, please let me know ^^**


	13. Chapter 13

**Well another chapter, hope you still reading this shit, because i got some great stuff in my computer... mabye another chapter for you today. I dunno have you been naugthy or nice ;)**

Next morning I dragged myself out of the bed, I didn't feel like school today but I knew that Bob wouldn't let me stay home knowing what I did to my self yesterday. I threw on a red tank top, a pair of skinny black jeans and then I looked for my old wrist warmers. I found them lying in the back of my wardrobe and I put them on before Alice came in to see if I was waken. When I was done with my make-up I climbed downstairs. Bob handed me a cup of coffee and we left for school. Half the way over there I felt faint and had to sit down at the side walk.

"How are you doing Alex?" I saw little black stars dancing in front of my eyes and I didn't bother to answer my brother. I shocked my head and realized I hadn't to eat something since, like for ever, I had to eat something at lunch today. "Yeah, I'm um okay." I said and got up on my feet, I felt dizzy again but ignored that and the two of us continued walking. We met the Way brothers outside the school gates and Frank was standing alone smoking a cigarette outside the school building.

Damn he was hot I thought to myself and when that thought hit me I realized that he was mine, my boyfriend. I felt the urge to run over to him and then kiss him but I stopped myself. When we reached his destination he gave me a big hug and smiled.

"You look really cute today, Alex! Love that outfit and the make-up." Gerard told me and smiled. I blushed and smiled back at him. I didn't look at Frank but I could tell that he gave me and especially Gerard a killing look.

**Gerard's POV.**

Fuck! Did I just really say that? What is happening to me, yesterday I was head over heals in love with Barb, today I make Alex blush and I really starting to like her. And that was not in the friend liking way…

"Ehm… Bob we got math now, let's go!" I started to walk away but after a few meters I stopped and waited for him to tell Alex to take care of herself.

"Do you know if Alex ehm has a boyfriend? At your mothers place…?" I really didn't plane to ask Bob, but I did before I realized what I had said. "WHAT THE FUCK DUDE??!! She is my baby sister for crying out loud…" Bob freaked, just like I had done if my best friend asked to go out with my brother. "No I don't mean it like that… I'm just curious! Calm down dude!" He looked at me with an accusing look, but then he dropped it. "No I don't think so…" He told me. "You are sounding far away dude?" I asked Bob. "Yeah, I am worried about Alex… She had two huge fights with dad yesterday and I found her… No I have said too much…" He looked down at his shoes as we walked to class. "Come on dude, I have seen the most, and have done pretty much all bad things you could think of."

He hesitated for a second, I think that he was about to tell me when Ray came toward us and he shout his mouth again. He really didn't have to tell me, I think I knew what Alex had done thinking of the old scars on her wrists.

**Alex POV. **

Mikey walked with Frank and me to the classroom and we had no chance to really speak to each other. Or kiss. The midmorning passed by, Frank and I glanced at each other nervous if our feelings would be shown at lunchtime. I didn't listen to the teacher that; I couldn't get my self to listen. My wrist hurt, I hadn't slept well for days, I was dizzy and I hadn't talked to my father yet.

The teacher told me to get up to the black board to get a paper, when I stood up, the whole world was spinning. I could feel my legs collapsing under me, I heard Frank ask me what was wrong before everything went black in front of my eyes.

**oh yes another cliffhanger xD still liking me? ^^**


	14. Chapter 14

**Well, you know I love cliffies but here is the next chapter, part 12 accualy ^^ I'm pround over myself ^^ *whipes tears away from my eyes* the chapter is sooo short but it is one at least xD**

The air was heavy, hard to breath, it was somehow suffocating me. Somewhere far away I could hear Mikey slowly trying to calm the panicking Frank down. Every breath I took was painful.

"Honey…" I'm pretty sure it was the history teacher speaking to me. "Alexandra, wake up… come on girl!"

It was really hard to open my eyes but I forced myself to wake up. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was about 30 heads leaning over me, staring at me, trying to figure out what had happened. I have to tell you that I myself had no idea. As I saw the heads I felt faint again and I was just a few seconds away from hyperventilate.

"Back up people! Noting to fucking se here." I had never heard this tone in Mikey's voice before. But it worked; the kids backed up and left me some space.

I sat up, as the teacher sent a kid away to get me something to eat. When the world stopped spinning I looked at Frank, he looked worried but at least he was calm again. He and Mikey sat down next to me until the kid with the food came. I ate two bites of the sandwich, I almost threw up and the teacher told Mikey and Frank to walk with me to the school nurses office.

When we got there the world had started to spin again and I got to meet the nurse right away.

"And what happened to you?" She stared down into her papers. "I think I missed a meal last night and I passed out in history class. I skipped to tell her the fact I hadn't ate since the day before yesterday… She started to exam me; she made me take of my hoodie and my wrist warmers. She looked at my scars, the ignored them. I hope she wouldn't call my father, if she did I would be screwed, even more than before. Dad kind of made me promise when I moved to his place that I wouldn't hurt myself anymore and he probably wouldn't kill me, but ground me for life. She didn't find something wrong with me but made me stay and rest in there, she let in Frank and Mikey and I almost was busted, but I'm pretty sure they didn't notice the brutal scars.

"You gotta take care of yourself darling!" Frank told me. "Bob will kill you…" As he spoke the door flew open and in came Bob, Gerard and Ray.

Bob ran up to my side, and pulled me into a tight hug, I didn't want to let go, it felt so secure in his arms. When he finally let go I could feel the tears running down my pale cheeks.

**Like it or not? ^^ **


	15. Chapter 15

**ATTENTION!! I have some very crappy naked scenes in this chapter, not much but children DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE THE SENSITIVE TYPE ^^ well hope you survive ^^  
**

I'm going to skip a couple of weeks now because you aren't interesting in what happened in those weeks. Nothing fun happened, I was grounded because I was rude to my father, I didn't understand what Alice and dad was speaking about. In school I put on my happy face, I smiled when my friends talked to me and when Frank and I had a moment alone, we made out as crazy, for our defense we were a new couple. When I got home I did my homework and in the evening I hurt myself, I cut deep cuts into my wrists and waited for dad or Alice to find out, and for them to threw me out on the street. They never did. Well I had been let out for the first time since the fuck you incident and I was going to spend the evening at Franks, "studying".

"Hello my beloved girlfriend!" Frank said with a smile as he opened the door and gave me a kiss. He led me to his room, he sat down at his bed started to play his old guitar. I sat down next to him and closed my eyes, just listening to the amazing music he created. After a while I could hear him stop and lit up as cigarette. I slowly opened my eyes looking at my beautiful boyfriend, slowly blowing smoke out from his half open sexy lips. I kissed him, again and again. He slowly and gentle pushed me down at the bed, his kissing getting harder and deeper. I have never felt happier. His hands where gentle touching my body, my face. He slowly started to unbutton my shirt, I kissed him harder. He pulled out of the kiss and whispered in my ear. "Are you okay?" I just nodded and pulled him closer. He took of his tee and took of my shirt, but when he leaned down to kiss me again he stopped. He looked as he was made of stone. He didn't move he just stared at my arms, my fucking scared arms. Then he slowly crawled out of the bed. He lit up a cigarette. He didn't look at me, didn't speak.

"Frank…darling. Please speak to me, I'm sorry…" I tried to speak normally but tears where stuck in my throat. "Frank…" That's all I had to say, he just looked at me though sad eyes before he lit another cigarette. I dressed and got ready to leave. When I was about to leave the room Frank pulled me into a tight hug. And he didn't let go. When he did he lit another cigarette and he sat down at his bed. I too lit a cigarette and he looked at me with his beautiful eyes. I could feel the nicotine kick in and I relaxed.

"I thought you were happy, I thought you had stopped." Frank said to me almost accusing me. I searched through my mind to find the power to answer. "Frank…. With you I'm happy. I promise. But you can't understand." I answered him. "WHAT?!" He was starting to freak out I knew it, I should just have left, but now it's too late, now I have to explain. "Don't freak out, darling please." "Then you should fucking tell me!!" I took a deep breath before speaking.

"Frank, I tried to stop but I hadn't the power to resist, it is an addiction. It is a drug to me, the blood pouring down my wrist, it take away my other pain." I took another deep breath then I once again spoke. "I can't stop just like that; I got to many demons in my head. I need a break from that pain, it makes me hurt myself." I glanced at Frank and I took another smoke on the cigarette in my hand. I continued. "I'm sorry baby, but I never intended to drag you down that's why I hid it from you. "

Frank was silence, a long moment then he asked.

"How long…?"

"That night when I fought with dad…"

We sat still not talking, just smoking for almost half an hour, Frank let my words sink into his mind. "Fuck!!" my head popped up. "What?!" The nervous spread through my body…

"Well we are out of cigarettes and now it seems like we have to talk!" He said that with a smile. I took another smoke from my cigarette then I kissed my boyfriend.

"I understand what you addiction is like…!" Frank pointed at the empty cigarette package. I just laughed at him and crawled up into his arms. "I'm really sorry, but I can't promise not to do it again." I whispered into his ear. He kissed me. "It's okay." But I could tell it was another fucking lie. Just another lie.

**Franks POV.**

Totally fucking fantastic, my girlfriend slit her wrists since the day we got together. I truly believed she had stopped, I had seen the scars the day we met, but they were old; Bob had said that she was better, that she had stopped. I wanted to cry, for her sake. But I couldn't.

"Honey, I need you to know something…" I looked at her as she took her eyes from the wall and into mine. "What?" She looked curious. "I'm not good for you… you should stay away from me…" Alex looked at me. "Have you read twilight???" I felt very confused…"Ehm… what??" She kissed me and said. "That's what Edward tells Bella in twilight." Alex laughed at me again. "No, but seriously, remember the night Gerard was beaten?" She nodded. Oh fuck what this hurt, but she needed to know, I didn't want to be a reason she hurt herself.

"Those parties's aren't that innocent if you understand…"

**OH NO another cliffhanger... dumdumdum duuuuuuum ^^ you know you love me anyway. And i hope you like the chapter. Do you? **


	16. Chapter 16

**Here is the next part, fuck i really need to stop writing this shit now and do my history project instead... *waving godbye to my good grades* but this is so much fun ^^ i really like you, hope you like me ^^ and it's not a cliffhanger this time ;) **

"What?" She didn't understand… fuck I didn't want to explain but felt like I owned her to tell what we were up to sometimes, it was her choice if she wanted to join or stay out of it. My heart was split…

"Hun." I looked at her. "We are not just drinking…." I didn't want to say it, I'm not proud over it. She broke our eye contact, now it was her time to let my words sink into her mind.

"Are…you…" She shut up again. "Are you doing drugs?" When she said it, it sounded so innocent, like there was no danger at all…

I nodded; it seemed liked tonight was going to be confession night. I was deep into my own mind when I heard Alex talk again.

"Why?" She asked without given me bad conscience.

Why, yeah. That's a hell of a good question; I never gave that a thought before. Oh I maybe should answer…

"Ehm… Gerard tried to kill himself about a year ago, a long story, and when he got out of the hospital to be able live with the shame of the failure, that's what he said to us at least, he started to smoke stuff and taking pills. And we joined him. We won't go down by our self, but we'll go down with our friends." I told her about our life philosophy with a smile.

We sat in silence for a moment. "Is that okay with you?" She sat still, looking through my window. Then she nodded.

**Alex POV.**

I just found out that my perfect boyfriend, my brother and my other friends are drug addicts. After a second of thinking I realized that Frank still was a perfect boyfriend, he didn't freak as much as I had thought when he realized my self harm. He was cute, could kiss amazingly and cared about me. Could it be better??

We talked more that evening, about parent, divorces I found out that he was too a divorce child and that his father was a drummer, we talked about friends and school. We got to know each other, it was truly amazing.

Alice picked me up that evening.

"Hello pumpkin. Did you enjoy your evening?"

"Hell yeah." I laughed and gave her a big hug.

"You seem to bee in a good mood?" Alice turned to me when we had to stop for a red light. "What did you study…?? Your good mood tells me biology." She laughed at me when my cheeks turned red.

"Alice, I'll clean my room tonight, and I'll pick the dishes out of the dishwasher for the whole week if you don't tell dad, or Bob…" She laughed.

"The first crushes are the best honey. It is Frank?" I nodded as she continued. "I won't tell 'em. I promise. And you don't have to be my slave, I can keep secrets anyway."

"Thanks, really!!" I smiled at her but I don't think she noticed it.

We ate a late dinner, it was quite nice.

"What did you do at Ieros place?" Dad looked accusing at me. "Dad, we had a thing in the biology class, and he helped me since I suck at biology." That's the truth, I do suck at it, and we had done biology, kissing and stuff, but not the things dad would mean with biology.

When the dinner was over Bob and I decided it was time to spend some quality time together. And with that means hanging out in Bob's room and listen to music, and talk a little.

I headed for bed, but that night I didn't have the urge to slice my wrist opened, instead I fall asleep instantly.

**I can write without cliffhangers, i told you so, no one believed me xD hope you like this one!! :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Another chapter... love me? **

**The same evening, at the Way house. **

**Gerard****s POV.**

Alex… I don't understand that girl, and I can't describe her… I took another sip from my bottle of cheap whiskey, it tastes as hell but alcohol as alcohol it still does the thing. Well Alex seems to be happy but she never let us in, and she never let us se her wrists. Bob said something a couple of weeks ago… I'm sure of that she hurts herself and I don't understand why. She is a pretty girl I would have dated her if it wasn't for Bob.

A sip from the bottle again, I could feel the alcohol hit my head it numbed me… what an amazing feeling… I love when I don't feel a thing, no pain, no bad feelings… Just numbed.

And that fucking Barb… I whish she had told me she was going out with that sucker, that had crushed me so bad, but this hurt even worse.

"Bonk" Someone was knocking at my door. Fuck… hope it's not Mikey, I shouldn't hurt him like this. And for god's sake don't let it be my parents, fuck they would kill me. They would send me to a shrink and take away my poisons, my dearest friends. I know they would do that, if they found out I would kill myself, and this time I wouldn't fail, not like last time.

"Bonk" Another knocking. I stood up and wobbled to the door.

"Wazzup, dude?" It was my innocent brother standing there and smiling at me. I didn't answer his question and I wobbled back to the bed. I could feel Mikey stare at me, he had hate in his glance I could tell without looking at him. I know he never would admit it, but he hated my drink alone nights, which the last couple of months have become almost every night…

"Tough day, huh? He asked and nodded at my bottle.

"Kinda…" I lit up a cigarette as I spoke. I sat down and drank again.

"You know it doesn't really solve anything, it doesn't make any pain go away… drinking your head into pieces." Mikey said calmly.

"Fuck off." I mumbled at him, I didn't want to hurt him but it was the alcohol talking. I lay down at my bed; I searched at my bed table after my bottle of pills, Xanax. I popped three at the same time when I found them. I swallowed them with a mouth full of whiskey. Now I could fall asleep. Ahh... I felt so calm… Noting, and I mean NOTHING can beat this fucking perfect feeling…

I could see Mikey shake his head before leaving my room.

**Mikeys POV. **

Sometimes I hate him, even thought I love him deeply. Today is a day when I hate my brother, Gerard. He drinks and pops his fucking pills don't think anyone will notice that no one will know. Know that he drinks too much, that he hurt himself, that he is deeply depressed. And there is noting I can do for him, he doesn't ask after my help and I don't think that I could even if he had…

I could feel tears running down my cheeks, I whipped them off and put on a smashing pumpkin record and I fell asleep to the familiar tunes.

**Gerard****s POV.**

I woke up, hang over from yesterday, I poured coffee down my throat and dragged myself to school. I caught a look at myself in the mirror, I looked tired as usual. I am often hangover until lunch hour. Urg… I understand that I had scared Barb away. I truly looked like hell.

I met Bob outside school, no one of us had a lighter and I needed a smoke. Mikey had gone straight to his class, I believed that he was still mad about yesterday. We saw Frank standing smoking with some girl, some of them had probably a lighter I thought and I started walking over to him.

Frank was standing together with… Alex. He leaned forward and kissed her… WHAT?? That was ehm news to me…

Bob had seen the same thing as I had and I could hear him mumble, fan-FUCKING-tastic. He didn't seem to be too happy about the thing he just had seen...

**And what will Bob do?? :o **

**What do you think?? I know... because I'm making this story :P hope you'll like it ^^**

**Oh btw, i have i twilight story... will you read it if i post it here? i need to know because i need to translate it from swedish and its a biiiig job if you wont read it...  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**A short one today _ hope you'll like it... **

**Alex POV.**

It was an early cold morning with no one in sight, no one important at least and that made me I stay behind with Frank as he took another cigarette before the first class.

He dragged me into a kiss and I kissed him back. But suddenly I felt someone grabbing my arm, hard.

**Bob POV. **

I ran up to the two of them and I grabbed my sister's arm as hard i could and I with all my strength I dragged her away from that filthy traitor. Far away I could hear Gerard yell at me but I didn't listen I was too mad.

"Bob!! YOU ARE HURTING ME!!" I looked at my sister who now was crying. "Let me go!!" She screamed. There was so much pain in her voice, so much despair. But I couldn't let go. I had to protect her…

Gerard was talking to someone on the phone but after a couple of seconds he hanged up. He released my fingers from Alex arm as Mikey and Ray came running towards us. Alex fell down at the ground crying.

Then I threw the punch at Franks face, then another punch. I hit the hardest I could as many times I was able to. Frank hit back, trying to protect his fucking beautiful perfect face. I could feel the blood pouring down my face.

"FUCK YOU!!" I screamed. I wanted to kill him, I really did.

I felt someone trying to drag me away from Frank, I tried to get back to be able to hit him again but someone pulled Frank away, protecting him.

**Alex POV.**

The two most important men in my life were fighting over me. Bob seemed to be capable of killing Frank. I just sat on the ground seeing Ray and Gerard pulling Bob away from my boyfriend and Mikey taking care of Frank. Tears were running over my cheeks. I felt sic. This was my fault, I wanted to die… If…

Ray was now trying to calm Bob down and Gerard was heading towards me. I saw some teachers running and the school nurse was close behind them.

"Honey, let's go, you don't need to get involved in this piece of… shit…" Gerard lifted me up and he helped me to walk away from the school. A couple of minutes later he offered me a cigarette and he lit one for himself.

I took the cigarette trying to calm myself down, but tears came into my eyes again and I fell down at the sidewalk. Gerard sat down behind me and I was sobbing into his shoulder.

"It's gonna be alright honey, I promise!" He told me and still sobbing I looked up at him.

"How can you say so?" I asked him. "If it wasn't for me life would be so much… easier for all of you… Maybe I should just die or go away or..." I looked into his hazel eyes.

"Alex, you are a fantastic girl, and we all love you. But I would too have been mad if one of my best friends would date my sister, if I had one, without telling me." He said then he continued. "Just give him some time to let this… news sink in!!"

And there were the tears again, we sat there for a while, smoking crying, really not knowing what to do with ourselves.

**Well, like a said a short one. **

**Still wondering if you would like to read that twilight story...? it is really different, and it is not for children.. ;)  
**


	19. Chapter 19

**Well here is the next chapter hope you'll like it... i don´t own the caracters nor the lyrics that you might find in the story, just as you know ^^ **

As I sat next to Gerard with my head resting on his shoulder, crying, thoughts started to spin around in my head once again. I never had tried to kill myself before, but now seemed to be a good day for suicide, as good as any day really. I knew no one would really miss me, probably not even Frank, I had just meant trouble for him ever since we became a couple. Slowly I started to go through my shoulder bag after my poison, well a razorblade. I found one and before Gerard had understood what I was about to do I had reviled my arm and I had a cut a deep cut into it again.

"Fuck" he mumbled, and he was looking obsessed at the razorblade. I cut once time more even deeper this time, that really hurt. Gerard slowly reached out for the razor with a shaking hand, he took it from me. Then he reviled his wrist and I saw for the first time his scars. I had thought my arm had been bad, but his was just… more, worse. There were older scars, older than mine at least, but some newer too. He cut quickly, I could tell he had done this thousand of times before and eventually his hand stopped shaking, he cut some more staring obsessed at the blood which now was pouring out from the scars.

The he gave the razor back to me and I started to cut once again, five, ten, fifteen then I stopped counting.

**Gerard's POV. **

Fuck I was doing great. I hadn't touched the razors in a month. I had struggled, I had fought. And I thought I had won. But one thing I had learnt over the years, you can't win… and you never win no matter how hard you fight, there will always be the fucking addiction. I looked at my new scars and I felt so… calm. My addiction had won once again.

I looked at Alex and I realized she would kill herself; her blood was painting the ground red, red from the blood that was pouring down from her wrists. And she was laughing.

Aint life just a joke, then why are we laughing, I whispered to myself as I took the razor from her. Then I tried to stop the bleeding. I found a bandage in her bag and I succeeded to stop the bleeding after a while. She was looking pale, like a vampire.

"Hun, let's go to Starbucks…" I led her to my favorite coffee shop, some blocks away.

I ordered two sandwiches and two coffees and led her to a table in the back of the shop.

"You could have fucking killed yourself!!" I said more to myself than to Alex. "That was my intention." She answered more calm than I ever had heard her before.

Fuck this was worse than I ever could imagined…

I sat in silence for a minute or maybe two. I knew what I had to do, but I needed a drink before I could make myself tell the darkest story in my life. I found a little bottle of some kind of booze in my bag; I really couldn't care what kind of alcohol it was, I just needed the drink.

**At the school nurses office.**** Franks POV.**

The nurse had to sew three stitches on my eyebrow and two in my lip. My face wasn't pretty, but I could really understand Bob. I would have killed him if Alex had been my sister. Fuck I didn't want to let go either if them. I knew Alex was in good hands, taken care of by Gerard. I just hoped this wasn't going to bee the end of Alex and me… I wasn't sure of what would happen when I had walked out in to the waiting room… and I hadn't any energy left for concern about that right now. I saw the picture of Alex crying on the grass in front of my eyes time after time.

**Well?? I need to know some thoughts, like it, hate it? ^^ **


	20. Chapter 20

**This is for the pepole out in the world reading my story ^^ **

**I'm uploading this instead of reading a very complicaded text ****from 1658**** written in old swedish, i hate school!! :( I love fanfiction :)  
**

**Gerard's POV.**

I took a deep breath.

"This is the story about how I nearly killed myself about a year ago." I told Alex. She stared at me with interest in her eyes. Then I started telling her my story.

"Well like I said before, this was about a year ago, in the middle of September, I was depressed and I hadn't got a reason to keep living but I had for some reason dragged myself out of the bed that morning anyways. I cut some deep cuts into my wrist before I even got out of the room. I left for school with Mikey and we walked in silence. When I got to the school one teacher yelled at me because I hadn't done some kind of project. I answered her with: What's the point? We are all dead soon.

I continued to the next class, and once again I hadn't done what I was supposed to do. And the teacher flipped, she yelled at me for a couple of minutes. I couldn't care less. I was so fucking numbed I didn't care about anything anymore.

In the art class the teacher told me that I was doing a good job and my reaction was the same, like I care.

I met the guys at lunch in the cafeteria, we talked a little, the guys were joking, but I wasn't amused, it was so painful. I skipped the rest of that day; I couldn't be around people who weren't depressed.

Instead of staying in the school I went to this guy, Bert, he provides us with alcohol and now days with other kinds of stuff, and from him I bought three cheep bottles of whiskey. Then I went to the drugstore and I bought some pills. When I got home I wrote some letters, I hugged Mikey and told him I loved him, no matter what. Then I looked my door and I started to swallow both the pills and the alcohol, but it wasn't going fast enough so started to cut, the more pain the better I thought. Just when I started to lose my consciousness I felt so satisfied, it was crazy. But Mikey had understood that something was wrong, that I was about to do something. He somehow got into my room, he found me half dead and he called 911.

He sat there with me in his arms until the ambulance came, he got with me into the hospital, and he became the reason I stayed alive. I was not in a good condition when I came in. A couple of more minutes and I had been dead…"

I stopped talking because I heard someone crying… it took me a while to realise that it was me who cried, hot tears was pouring down my cheeks…

**Sorry about the short chapter... :( i don't have the time for longer ones, like i said, i hate school :(**


	21. Chapter 21

**Here you go... hope you can enjoy this ^^**

**Later on, around lunch time. Alex POV. **

I walked home, I still had a feeling of being useless, I couldn't get rid of it, and the feeling followed my every step I took. I was just trouble for everyone but Gerard had at least stopped me from killing myself earlier today.

I was planning of going to bed and sleep for a couple of hours, I was so tired.

I opened the front door and I could hear upset voices from the kitchen. Fuck I mumbled.

"Is it you, Alex? It was Alice asking.

"Ehm… yes, I was feeling sic so I got home…" My dad interrupted my lie. "Into the kitchen… NOW!! He said to me.

I took a deep breath then I walked into the room.

"Fantastic, just fantastic." My father said to himself, he was smoking something I haven't seen since the divorce.

"My son is a drug addict, a fucking smoker, he drinks like four times a week, he skips school and he gets into fights. Today I found out that my daughter is almost the same, she skips school, smokes, she hangs out with people I told her to stay away from and she drinks. I thought I had learnt them better…" He raised and walked up to me, he looked at me for a second then he rolled up my sleeve and reviled my scared wrists. "And she fucking hurt herself." Then he walked back to his seat, Alice gasped when she saw my arm.

"And you still don't care." I said calmly to him. "What are you gonna do? Stop me from hurt myself? Take away my poisons and give me happy pills? Or are you just gonna close your eyes, pretending nothing happened 'cause that's the easy way to do? Don't pretend that you care when your not!!!" Then I simply walked out of the room and up to my own room.

I sat on the floor behind my closed door, I could feel the tears burning behind my eyelid, I sobbed.

"Alex, please don't cry…" I looked up; Bob was sitting on my bed. His face was swollen, he didn't look pretty and I wondered what Franks beautiful face looks like after Bob's treatment earlier that morning.

"What…" I started but I was interrupted by Bob.

"No listen to me… I'm sorry about this morning, I saw him kiss you and I saw you as five year old again, remembering Brittney?" I nodded. "It was like she was bulling you and that I needed to protect you… Frank became Brittney…" He took a deep breath, and then he looked at my naked arm. "You did that?" I nodded; I didn't have any power left to talk. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I should never have done that, I feel so bad…"

**Bobs POV.**

It was my fault that she had hurt herself that much. I wanted to hurt myself, but that wouldn't make the situation any better. Alex raised and she gave me a big hug. We sat like that for a while.

"Does this mean that me and Frank have your blessings?" She smiled a little at me and I didn't know what to answer…

"Ehm… I guess so…" I told her, she kissed me on the cheek. "Then you should call Frank and tell him that." She said as she handed me my phone.

**Gerard's POV.**

Fuck this life, Alex and I had talked like for ever, she's the cutest, most fun, and deepest and she is probably the most beautiful girl I have seen for a long time.

I walked home; Mikey was already there with Frank who looked like hell.

"Mum and dad won't be home tonight." Mikey told me.

"Wanna get pissed?" Frank asked, and I nodded for an answer.

**Later on…**

**Franks POV.**

Mikey had gone up upstairs, he needed to do some homework shit, I didn't feel like it so I ignored the fact that I would fail. School never had been anything for me anyways. I always skip more than I should, I never do my homework, instead I usually sit around in my room, playing the guitar, and smoking or just hang around the Way brother's place.

"Gee, how is she… how did she take it?" I could tell my voice was about to crack, I felt the tears burning behind my eyes. I could sense that something was wrong, so fucking wrong.

"Oh Frankie… I don't think she is doing great, she… I couldn't stop her… She cut so much, there was so much blood. She hurt herself so much because of the guilt she felt… I think. She almost killed herself…" Gerard whispered to me, he said it so silence as he didn't want to realize the truth.

I gasped when I heard the words. "You are fucking lying!! She…" Then I could not speak anymore because the tears that was suffocating my voice.

I just sat on the sofa crying until there were no tears left; Gee was holding his arms around me, trying to ease the pain I felt. I don't know for how long we sat there, but when I was just sobbing he gave me a cigarette. He looked at me with sad eyes. Then I saw his arms, I could tell that those scars where new ones, newly made today. And my world collapsed again.

"You couldn't stop her you said… I guess you where to busy thinking of your own fucking pain!!" Then I stormed out of the room, I ran as fast I could, I needed to just get away from everything…

**Hope you like this shit, let me know your thougths!!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Here is the next amazing chapter... from me to you!!  
**

**Alex POV. **

I sat in school, we had math class but I couldn't concentrate on the numbers. Frank wasn't there, he hadn't talked to me for some days and I had the feeling that he was mad about something. Instead of math I took my pencil and without thinking I wrote some words.

Ten truths about Alexandra Bryar:

I'm madly in love with Frank Iero

I whish my parents would care about me

I think I'm fat even thought I wear a size 4

Bob Bryar is the only person I truly trust

I don't trust myself

I'm not sure about my feelings for Gerard Way

I'm deadly afraid of living but I'm afraid of dying to

My self harm was never meant to hurt anyone but myself

I'm addicted to razorblades, I can't stop hurting myself no matter how hard I'm trying

**I DO NOT WANT TO DIE,** I NEVER WANTED

The math teacher walked up to me and he started to read over my shoulder.

"Miss Bryar, what is this?" He asked.

"Ehm, Mr Carlzon… this is just a note… I was just thinking…" I answered him slowly.

Mikey who sat next to me during that lesson was now interested in what was happening and he started to read over my shoulder. I tried to hide the note to avoid any uncomfortable situations later, but Mr Carlzon took it from me.

"Alexandra, we will have a little chat after the lesson." He told me. I nodded and then he continued to some football player who needed help.

"What did you write? Tell me!! A looove letter to Fraaankiiee??" Mikey asked the minute the teacher was out of hearing, he looked like a five-year-old child, extremely curious, he teased me a second but when he saw my face he stopped.

"Oh nothing… I was just thinking a little, I maybe wrote some inappropriate things. No need to worry about that Mikey-boy, I'm fine!!"

We sat in silence after the short conversation; we both looked at the numbers until the lesson was over.

I told Mikey to go to the cafeteria and meet the guys as I waited for the chat with Mr Carlzon.

"Yes Alexandra, please sit down." He pointed at a chair and I did like I was told. "What is this?" He continued as he gave me my note back.

"Per… I mean Mr Carlzon… This is a note telling ten truths about me..."

"I can see that, but… but why? Why are you afraid and for what? Why don't your parents care? And do you hurt yourself; you know I have to report that to the school psychologist if that's the case…" He stared at me.

"I don't know what I'm afraid of… I have no fucking clue why my parents don't give a damn about me." I didn't look at him, and I didn't answer his last question that would hopefully spare me tons of problems. I whished that was the truth.

"I take that as a no… I can't prove anything… I still would like you to go to the shrink to talk about your problems…"

"I haven't got any problems!" I told him, I was getting mad, and I thought this wasn't any of his business.

"Don't make this harder for me or yourself… please?"

"I don't want you, and I don't need you to fucking fix me!! I'M FUCKING FINE!!!"

"Alex, shut up!" He stopped and took a deep breath, and then he leaned over the table and put his mouth against mine…

***GASP* what do you think?? let me know^^ **


	23. Chapter 23

**Weeeeeeeell, here is the next chapter ^^ hope you will enjoy it ^^**

I pushed the teacher away, and instinctively I slapped his face, the hardest I ever slapped a man before. Mr. Carlzon reached his hand to his face and looked at me in shock. After that I stormed out of the room and ran into Gerard who waited for me outside the classroom I threw myself into his arms; I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes.

"Alex… WHAT THE FUCK??!!" He asked almost screaming.

"He… he…" I said then I took a deep breath. I didn't know what to say, should I dare to tell the truth? I didn't trust him enough. "I… I can't tell you…"

"Don't be silly sweetheart!! Tell me…" He looked at me with concerned eyes. "He didn't hurt you, did he??"

"No…" As I lied to him Mr. Carlzon came out from the classroom, he looked quite mad and he stepped up to me.

"Alexandra, I think you really should see that shrink…" He told me and smiled, and then he leaned forward to me and whispered into my ear. "You little psycho freak!" Then he walked away from the two of us.

"Alex, talk to me!!" Gerard and I had walked away from the classroom and sat now in the cafeteria together with Mikey, Bob and Ray and I must have stared in front of me, ignoring them. I ignored Gerard's exhortation and said.

"Anyone know where Frankie is?? He hasn't talked to me ever since the 'accident'." I could feel how the blood came rushing to my face, painting it red.

"No… he left pretty fast yesterday, didn't he Gerard…?" We all looked at Gerard.

"Yeah… he got upset because of… something; I think he drank a little too much. I did too… I had such a bad hangover today!!" He looked guilty, but I had more problems than that.

**Bob POV. **

Something was wrong with Alex, I know it, something in her face told me that, and Gerard said that she should talk to him… I don't understand anything anymore. We left the cafeteria and I touched her shoulder. She stopped walking and the rest of the guys walked away from us.

"Is something wrong with you Alex?" She turned around and looked into my eyes. She gave me a note, I read it, and then I looked at her. "Talk to me? Please!!" I begged her.

"Mr. Carlzon found that note… and then he pretended to care, like they always does, and then he did like moms boyfriends used to do…" She stopped talking.

"WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO??!!" I could feel the blood come to my face. "Calm down Bob!! Don't freak out! He kissed me, but it's nothing, I'm okay, he told me I was a freak when I rejected him, and then he left…"

THAT FUCKER DID HURT MY KID SISTER ALEX??!! I walked to the wall and kicked it as hard as I could. I knew it wouldn't do anything better to hurt Mr. Carlzon. I would just be kicked out of the school and be locked in for a long future.

"Bob, I slapped him… I don't need you to kill him!!" Alex said to me.

"No, but he hurt you!!" A thought hit me. "Alex, you need to promise that you won't hurt yourself because of this!! This isn't your fault; don't give him that fucking satisfaction!!"

"I…I can't promise anything… not to you, not to dad and not to Frank… I don't want to give you a promise… I know I can't hold it. I will just let you down."

"I don't give a fuck about that… I need you to not hurt yourself, this time only. Because if you do… I will kill him!!"

She walked away from me, ignoring me. She picked up her phone, and put it to her ear.

"Frankie, why aren't you picking up your phone? Answer me baby!! Call me when you hear this!! Love you!!"

Then she walked away to her classroom, leaving me confused and angry.

**Lets go back to yesterday, Frank did ran away from Gerard and Mikeys house, here is what happened next: **

**Franks POV.**

I ran until I was so tired I couldn't stand up, I sat down at the ground and looked around me. A thought hit me when I realized where I was. When I caught my breath I stood up and walked two blocks away. I climbed three stairs up and I hit the door bell. Then I waited.

A familiar, good-looking but pale guy, a couple of years older than me answered the door.

"Wazup Frank… What can I do for you today?? Come inside please…" He stepped aside and let me in to the apartment. It was filthy as always, cigarette butts everywhere and empty bear cans were lying all over the floor.

"Hi Bert…" We chatted for a couple of minutes and then he went back into the bedroom to get me some stuff.

"Well here it is, that's the stuff Gerard ordererd, and that's the thing you wanted… Anything else you need or want?" Bert handed over some bags and some bottles to me.

"No… I don't think so… is it good stuff?"

"Have you ever got bad stuff from your old buddy McCracken??" He smiled at me, his smile is always freaking me out, but I didn't care less at this moment, I just wanted to get home.

"Nope… don't think so… well I gotta go." I paid Bert and left his place; I took the nearest bus and got home twenty minutes later.

"Frank? Is it you? I want to see you in the kitchen a second." What did the stupid bitch want now??

"Yeah mum, it's me, I'm just gonna leave some stuff in my room…" I climbed upstairs and hid the new bought stuff in my secret stuff in the back of my wardrobe. Then I climbed downstairs again.

"The school called me. They told me you where in some fight!! What have you done now??" My mother always assume that's it is my fault when I get into trouble… most of the time she is right but not all the time… and that is freaking me out!!

"Bob hit me because I'm going out with his sister and I kinda forgot to tell him, it's not all fucking times my fault!! Don't blame me!!" I left my mother red in her face in the kitchen, she could kill me right now, and I walked away.

In my room again I started some music, I locked the door, then I started to smoke, first weed and cigarettes and then I took some heavier stuff. It had been a rough couple of months, I needed to… get… high…

**Well a beautiful christmas present to you!! ^^ Now i would like everyone reading my story to update their own stories, or else santa wont give you any presents... ;) **

**I wish you all a merry christmas ^^  
**


	24. Chapter 24

**Well, here is the next chapter, just a warning: this chapter contains a cliffhanger :'D **

**Hope you'll like it ^^  
**

**Around 2, at the night:**

When I'm high I always get the funny feeling that everything is all right, even thought I know it isn't. Alex, Gerard, the rest of the guys, school, mom, the guitar and everything else feels so easy, like I never had any problem with that. This is my escape, Alex does her cutting and Gerard too, but he escapes with alcohol to, as the rest of the guys, this is my escape

I was lying on my bed, having the feeling that I was floating, I love that feeling.

Someone was hitting my door, it was probably my mother wanting me to turn off the music but I ignored her, instead I sat up and took some more cocaine, it was a new drug to me, I had seen Gerard and Bert doing it sometimes but had never tried it myself before. It burned inside my nose but I ignored the pain.

Nothing happened.

I did some more.

I was starting to feel sic, maybe I had done something wrong or maybe I had took a little bit too much. I got up from the floor and was about to open the window to get some fresh air into the room, but my legs collapsed underneath me. I sat there on the floor for a second then I tried to get up again, I felt really sic now and I sat down again.

About half an hour later I tried to get up again and this time I could stand up and I opened the window; I got to the bed and lit up a cigarette. The world was spinning and I had trouble focusing my eyes on something. I took another smoke from my cigarette, I was feeling tired, so tired. I lay down for a second, then I closed my eyes and I slowly fell into sleep.

**3 person.**

_Frank__ Iero was lying on his bed, sleeping deeply as it seemed, suddenly he was shivering in his sleep. It looked just like he was cold but the night air was pretty warm this night. On a second look it looked more like someone had stroke his chin to take away his soul, just like if death had decided that Frank's time had come. Franks room was a mess and there was lying a white powder all over the floor. His telephone received text after text but nothing seemed to be able to wake sleeping beauty… It was a tragic sight…_

**Alex POV. **

I know that Frank is able to take care of himself but something had told me that I should check if he really was okay. I waited for Bob after school had ended.

"I'm going to check on Frank… Are you coming with me??" I started to slowly walk towards Franks home.

"Yeah sure, I wanna tell him that I'm sorry about… well you know." My brother stopped talking and looked at me. "Are you sure that you are okay?"

"Yeah… why wouldn't I be okay??" I didn't even believe my own lies anymore, how could I expect Bob to believe them?? "Could you stop talking about that? I want to forget that today ever happened, and yesterday to."

"Sorry Sis… I won't bring it up again. But please Alex, why can't you just promise me that you won't slit you fucking wrist?" He still looked at me and I broke our eye contact and started to walk faster.

"I can't fucking promise you I had told you that!!" I stopped and looked him straight into his eyes. "I can't stop, it's an addiction, and don't look so fucking surprised. If you one time have started to silt your fucking wrist, you never will be able to stop, because you have found a fucking way to deal with the pain you are having… Then where is the point in stopping if your pain I eased? Tell me that and I will try, I really will try to stop one last time."

I walked away, I could feel people who have heard me talking stare at me and so did Bob, I had actually thought he would understand, Frank had understood, but maybe I was way too naive…

**At Franks house. **

After a very silent walk, no one had said a word after my little explanation.

"Well… we are here now…"

"I know Bob…"

I walked up to the door, and ringed at the bell, no one answered the door, I called once again but still nothing happened. I could see that Franks window was open so he probably was home.

"What is it?" Bob asked.

"None is answering the fucking door." Well I was getting frustrated.

"I'll go and get the stairs, his windows is open." Bob disappeared but came back a few minutes later with a stair, he put it under the window and I started to climb up. I got into Franks room, and I slowly looked around me. Then I screamed…

Frank was lying lifeless on his bed; the room smelled of drugs and smoke, there was white powder all over the place.

I ran over to the bed and I tried to wake him up as Bob climbed into the room.

"Call the fucking 911!!" I yelled to Bob and I looked back at Frank again.

"Please Frank baby, wake up!! Frankie my darling I need you to fucking wake up!!" I whispered into his ear.

At the same time I could hear Bob calling 911;

"A friend of mine… he is lifeless… I think he has got an overdose…" I stopped listen and stroke my boyfriends face as the tears started to pour from my eyes…


	25. Chapter 25

**Here you go people a new amazing chapter, maby the last one this year xD **

**Bobs POV.**

I was yelling the address into the cell phone, and the woman I talked to asked me to calm down, I told her to fuck herself after she had told me an ambulance was on its way. Then I sat down next to Frank's bed, holding one arm around my sister and I hold Franks hand into mine.

"Come on dude, wake up, wake up, we need you to wake up!!" I whispered to him, like words would make him live…

Nothing happened and I couldn't bear to stare at his lifeless face instead I unlocked the door to his room and got downstairs and opened the looked front door; I got out and waited for the ambulance. It came after a few minutes and I showed the crew the way.

I dragged Alex away from the bed and hugged her tightly.

"Shhh… don't cry… please don't cry!!" I whispered into her hair. But she was shaking in my arms.

"Son… do you know what happened?" A younger man from the ambulance crew asked me.

"No, I think he took an overdose… it looks and smells that way at least…"

The man looked at me in a strange way but asked no more. The men carried Frank downstairs and into the ambulance.

"Are you two coming with us?" The man asked us, we nodded and got into the car.

We sat in silence until we reached the hospital. They took Frank away and we sat down into the waiting room, and did all we could do… wait.

I called Gerard and Ray and together with Mikey they hurried to the hospital.

**Gerards POV.**

"Can anyone explain what the hell is happening??" I was really upset. I looked at poor Alex; she just sat there and cried into her brother's shoulder, she had been through so much the last couple of days, no more like the last hours.

No one answered my question and I buried my head into my hands, I didn't know what to do, where to go. Was this my fault? Thoughts were spinning really hard inside my head.

"I need a fucking smoke… anyone to join me??" I didn't except everyone to rise and get out, Mikey never smokes. He must be really upset now, well we all are!!

We smoke in silence, and then we got back into the waiting room again, this time Alex sat next to me and I was holding her hand. Her shirt didn't cover all her scars, I felt bad about that I didn't stop her.

Mikey did some homework, Bob was reading a magazine and Ray looked at something on the wall. Alex started to revile my own scars, she dragged up my sleeve and reviled the new made I did yesterday… I had slit for hours yesterday, I hoped that no one would notice, but sure as hell Alex found out, I wanted to be strong, but no, two little cuts and I was back again…

**Alex POV.**

I don't know why I pulled up his sleeve, I just did. I didn't expect to find that brutal scars, I didn't know what to find really.

"Why are you keep doing that?" I whispered to him.

"You know why… I can't stop, just like you I assume…" He looked at me and I nodded slowly.

I sat in silence, if I had more tears I would cry, but I couldn't. I waited for the moment someone would tell us that Frank was okay… if he was okay. Oh no he can't die!! I wouldn't let him die. I hugged Gerard to get some comfort but he was distracted as me.

A blond nurse came into the waiting room.

"The family of Frank Iero?" We all got up. "Would you please come?" I only had the power to nod, and then we followed the nurse. "He is in here." She showed us the door. "The doctor will soon come." Then she left.

We all looked at each other and we all took a deep breath and we slowly walked into the room. I gasped when I saw Frank lying on the bed hooked into apparatus, but he was alive. I slowly walked up to his side.

"Frankie my darling, would you please wake up?" I asked through my tears. Bob was holding my shoulder for support.

A man came into the room, he looked in his papers and then he introduced him self.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Smith, well… Mr. Iero came in with an overdose from cocaine…" As he talked a woman walked into the room, I recognized her as Frank's mother.

"Excuse me; I'm his mother, what has happened to my son??"

"Well, Mrs. Iero, your son came in with a cocaine overdose, he is stabile now and we are waiting for him to wake up…"

We all was relieved, Frank would live!! We cheered and hugged each other, and Franks mum went outside to talk to the doctor.

I looked at Frank's peaceful face and I saw his eyes slowly open.

"Frank!!" I said out loud. "You are awake!!"

"Why shouldn't I be awake??" He looked around the room and saw our worried faces.

"Frank" I said. "You took an overdose of cocaine… don't you remember??" I told him.

He sat in silence and then he nodded. "I did…"

We talked until the doctor and his mother came back.

"Would you kids leave? I need a chat with my son…"

The guys told him to get better and patted him on the shoulder and left the room, I instead kissed his lips goodbye.

"Love you, darling!!"

Then I left him.


	26. Chapter 26

**I WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY NEW AMAZING YEAR!! ^^ **

**I hope your heads dosen't hurt to much, that you celebrated the new year with someone that you love and care for, that you are really tired and that you don't like Miley Cirus... Someone told me that we should hurt her inasted of poor Frankie... well hope you will love the new chapter ^^  
**

We all went home, I was happy about the fact that Frank would survive, but not at the point that he nearly killed himself. I was too distracted to be able to do my homework's, instead I looked at the TV, I chanced the channels but I couldn't find anything to watch. I ended up at some news show.

"And we are going to end this show with a rapport that the young singer and actress Miley Cyrus died from an overdose earlier today. It is very tragic when young boys and girls are getting famous to quickly, they can't handle the fame and…"

HAHAHA, I laughed a little and then I turned off the TV and went into the kitchen where I found Alice and Bob talking.

"….well he will be alright, but it was scary as hell…" Bob stopped talking and looked at me.

"I understand, glad he will be okay. But Bob, be careful!!" Alice said to him. "And you too sweetheart…"

"Miley Cyrus died from an overdose today…" I have no idea why I just said that… I think I'm mentally ill.

"You say what??" Bob asked and looked confused.

"I thought you wanted to know… where is dad by the way?"

"He is working late today. Well kids get up from your lazy asses and help me prepare some dinner." We helped her, ate and then I hit the bed, I was tired and needed to get some sleep.

But before I fell asleep a thought hit me, I will stop be so unsecure, I'm gonna learn to be strong, I promise. I'm gonna say what's on my mind, I need to get tougher and not always start to fucking cry.

**Next morning. **

**Bobs POV.**

It was a regular morning, I got up, I drank my coffee and I waited for Alex to come down and have her coffee, it was when I saw Alex climbing downstairs the drama from yesterday came back to me. Alex looked okay now at least, I gave her coffee and then we started to walk to the school.

"Are you okay?" I asked her as I offered her a cigarette, she took one and answered.

"Yeah, kinda… Frank is okay at least." She smoked in silence.

"That really doesn't answer the question…" Bob was sounding quite mad at me.

"Yeah, I'm okay, back off!! I'm capable of taking care of myself…" I nearly started to laugh when I had said it.

"Yeah I can see that…" Bob mumbled and walked faster, we came to the school where we met Mikey and Gerard. And they asked me the very same question.

"Yes I'm o-fucking-kay, would you understand some time? Gerard are you okay??" Everybody turned around and looked at me with choked eyes and I could see that Gerard froze in the position. "Oh I just thought this was the right moment to ask everybody if they were okay." I said sarcastically right to Gerard.

"No you don't, you don't fucking dare!!" Gerard mumbled to me.

"I dare… why does everybody think I'm not okay?? Have you seen your best friend and brother here?? Have you seen Gerard's fucking arms lately, Mikey??" I looked at him and he shake his head, I looked at Bob, he stared at me. Gerard was looking at me; he could have killed me with his eyes, if looks could kill…

I took a step closer to Gerard, he backed off.

"Don't you dare to touch me!!" He looked at me, but he couldn't scare me.

"Why are you tiptoeing around him?? It's not like you don't know about his 'issues'." I was getting mad, I didn't care if they would hate me after this, I hate when people just assume that I'm not okay. "It's not normal to get to school with a hangover like three maybe four days a week, it's not!!"

Ray had joined us during my accusations and he spoke to me.

"And you are a saint, Alex? Never cut yourself, in your life huh? Never drinks? Stop pretending that you are a fucking saint!!"

"I never did Ray, and this is why I hate you Gerard…" And everyone gasped!

"You say what??" Bob asked me.

"That's why I hate Gerard!! Because we are all the same him and me, we are to proud to take the fucking help when it is given to us, to proud to say: Hey, I got a problem, I have an addiction, please help me!!"

Under the time I walked closer to Gerard and reviled his arm, he looked at me but he didn't do anything to stop me showing his secret. But when I was about to show his arm Mr. Carlzon came.

"And why aren't we in the classroom?"

"We didn't care for the stupid lessons Mr!" Gerard told him with a huge smile.

"Detention, 4 o'clock, my classroom!!" He said to us, he was mad as hell but I didn't care and we all laughed at him. We didn't hurry to the classroom, but the guys stared strangely at me.

**Gerard's POV. **

Okay, I deserved that a little… but I still felt betrayed by Alex… But that's right, I never made her promise she wouldn't tell anyone.

We met outside Mr. Carlzons classroom, 15 past 4, just to bother him some extra, we are fuckers we know and we are proud over it.

He let us go pretty easy but after the detention Per told Alex he wanted to talk to her again, well sure, she told him. We all staid in the room.

"Are you sure you want your little friends to know this?"

"Why not? You don't want them to know you kissed me yesterday, or the fact you wanted me to se a shrink or the fact you called me a freak? They already know that!! Was there something more?" She smiled with a perfect smile against the teacher who looked red as blood in his face. "Boys, we are leaving, he didn't want to tell me anything after all." And then we left.

"He did WHAT??!!" Mikey screamed when we got out from the school.

"He kissed me, no big deal… Shall we visit Frank now?" She pointed at a bus who would take us to the hospital.


	27. Chapter 27

**Okay, here is the next one, i know it have been a while, i haven't been able to write, i'm sorry about that... **

**Hope you will like this one. I't is a lame one, but I it will happen more stuff soon, promise :)  
**

**At the hospital.**

**Alex POV.**

"Wazzup… dude?"

"Ehm Mikey, I'm lying on the hospital bed with nothing fun to do at all, and you are asking me wazzup??!! You stupid fucker!!" Then they hugged each other.

It is now official I thought to myself… I WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND BOYS!!!

Gerard hugged Frank and Bob just stood still next to the bed, what it seemed not really comfortable with the situation and he wasn't sure what to do.

"Frank… I'm sorry, about the punching…" he started but he was interrupted by Frank.

"Don't be so nervous bro, I'm not sending the police on you, and what I have understood you and Alex found me and called the ambulance and without you I never would have survived.... and I should have told you, I realize that now, but that one." He pointed at me. "Made me wait a while."

Everybody turned around to look at me, I walked up to Frank and I kissed him gentle at his lips.

"How are you doing?" I asked him and looked into his beautiful hazel eyes.

"I'm okay, no need to worry about me sweetie. I promised." He said when he looked into my probably very worried eyes.

I nodded and stayed at his side holding his hand.

"Your mother didn't seem to be too happy about your overdose? What happened after we left?" Mikey looked at Frank and laughed.

"Well she yelled at me for like 2 and a half hour's straight, then she bought coffee for herself that bitch, she came back and she yelled for about another hour, I don't think she like me." He smiled and but when he saw my serious face it faded away. "She made me promise I never will do anything like that again… I hope I can keep that promise… Hey why are you all so quiet, and why are you looking so strangely at each other? Anything happened in school??" He chanced the subject and we all got nervous, what should we tell him?

**Gerard.**

I was still quite mad about what had happened in the morning, but was it really okay to tell Frank about Mr. Carlzon, just for revenge? And the other stuff, I wasn't sure he could take this right now but on the other hand he is one of my best friends. I was having some fight inside of me about what I should do.

"Yes you have missed a lot… but you better talk to Alex about that…"

Alex looked at me like she would like to kill me.

"Okay, guys leave us alone would you?" She tried to smile but she just looked really tried. We left the two of them in the room and went outside.

It was all quiet for minutes before Bob spoke.

"Dude… have you stared slitting again? Is that the truth?" I took a deep breath. I wanted to run away but there was no place to run to. The air was heavy to breath and I could feel the eyes of my friends staring at me, undressing my arms, and I felt guiltier than ever. I had to tell them

"Yes… no, no that's not the truth, not really, I never stopped… and I thought I had won over my addiction until the day before yesterday but I was wrong, when the accident happened Alex got upset and she didn't know what to do and before I had understood what happened she had sliced… many times. And I couldn't resist, I cut like two ones. In the evening Frank found out." I could see that Mikey wanted to say something, but I needed to tell my story until the end. "No shut up Mikey. Well Frank found out that Alex nearly had killed herself earlier that day and he ran away, probably to Bert. And after he left I found some old razors, you don't know how much damage you can do with some razors…"

"Why didn't you stop? I thought you where okay?" Mikey looked at me like a hurt five year old child with tears in his hazel eyes, I understood him; I had hurt him so bad. I had promised I would stop and I had broken that promise. I looked down into the floor, before I answered him.

"I never where okay, well in the beginning after my failure I was pretty okay but then… something happened. And I didn't have it in my heart to tell you, and time went by and I found other ways to ease the pain I felt, alcohol drugs… stuff…" I stared at the floor and waited for someone to say something, something at all.

"Gerard… I think you need help… seriously help, and I think Alex needs the help too…" Bob told me, but when he had finished we heard Frank shout;

"No big deal??!!I'M GONNA KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER!!"


	28. Chapter 28

**Okay, here is the next one, I hope you will like it. I promise there will be more action soon... xD**

**Frank. Inside his "room"**

I was nervous, what had happened during the days I had been away from the school? Alex seemed to be really uncomfortable with the situation and I didn't want to push her too much.

"Gerard said you weren't okay… that you had hurt yourself bad. How bad is it? Let me see, please darling?" I asked her.

"No, I feel so silly… I have…. I, I don't know…" She sounded as she was about to cry when she stopped talking.

"Alex, honey I need you to shove me if you want me to help you, I need to know what I'm up to if you want my help." I tried to convince her to shove me. She looked confused but then she lifted up her sleeve and shoved me. "I'm okay….I… I… I promise…" She told me but she couldn't fool me with her lies.

"Anything else?" This couldn't bee all, could it?

"Well today I think I ruined my friendship with Gerard… I told Mikey and Bob that he is still slitting and I told them he is just like me, and that's why I hate him…"

"I knew he did, I saw it the night of the accident… what happened?"

"What happened was I got mad when everyone asked if I was okay but none seemed to care about the fact that Gerard is still suicidal. So I flipped and told them to care about Gerard instead of me, I can take care of myself…"

"Ehm honey, no you can't… that's why you…" Alex looked at me with anger in her eyes.

"I'm just kidding. I know you can." She leaned over to kiss me but instead she hit me hard in my tummy, I wasn't excepting her to hit me and I almost threw up. Then she kissed me. And then she laughed hard so she almost fell down at the floor.

"Hey why did you do that??" I tried to swallow my nauseas and looked at my darling. "You are so mean. AND childish." I tried not to laugh myself.

"HA-HA." She whipped tears out of her eyes. "Sorry, that's my revenge." She said through her laughing.

"This couldn't be all that happened? Why would you be so nervous, if this was all?" I said to her and wondered if she was going to answer me.

"No… something happened in math class… but you have to promise me not to freak out…"

I could feel myself getting angry; when someone tells me not to freak out it is usually a sign to do the opposite thing and freak out.

"You won't tell me otherwise, will you?" There was not really a point in asking, I knew the answer already and Alex nodded to confirm. "Okay I won't freak out." I sighed and looked at her.

"Okay… It's no big deal but Mr. Carlzon found a note telling some things about me, and then he asked me to stay behind and then Mr. Carlzon kissed me. Oh no don't freak out darling, you promised me!! It is not a big deal…" And that's about when I freaked out.

"No big deal!! I'M GONNA KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER!!"

"Shh… stop screaming darling!! Please?" She tried to calm me down when the guys stormed into my room.

"FRANK!! SHUT THE HELL UP, OR THE NICE MEN IN THE WITH COATS WILL TAKE YOU AWAY!!" Mikey screamed to me and I did as I was told. I still wanted to kill the motherfucker but… I couldn't se the point of getting arrested for murder, at least not right now. Alex needed me…

They spend half an hour to calm me down before a nurse came and checked if everything was okay.

"Okay Mr. Iero, you will be able to go home tonight, when your mother can take you home." She said and looked at my friends as they would kidnap me and then kill me, or something in that way.

My friends left the room, it was dinner time and they had to get home, Alex kissed me and then she left me to my thinking. I realized why Alex and Gerard hurt themselves, it would be a easy way out from this psychic pain….

**Later on: **

My mother picked me up at the hospital and we had a painful silent ride home. We ate a dinner then my mother looked at me for the first time in ages, I mean she has looked at me but this time she actually saw me… Do you understand me?

"Frank, I'm not going to ask you when you started doing drugs, or if you are depressed or suicidal. I want you to listen at me, and I want you do what I'm telling you to do. You see when I look at you I see your father, when I fell in love with him, before he chose the wrong path." She took a deep breath. "He started to use stuff and…" She looked at me. "I'm not going to let you do the same fucking mistake as him. And that's why I'm sending you to rehab, and you are going to break up with that girlfriend of yours, she is nothing but trouble for you.

"I'm not going away!! Alex and Gerard need me." I screamed to my mother. "And I will never break up with Alex. I love her!!" I wanted to run away, but I guess that wouldn't solve anything, last time I had ran away from my problems I ended up in a hospital bed.

"OH yes you are!! And a silly high school crush will never hold, stop bee so damn naive!!" My mother couldn't expect me to just go away from my friends and the love of my life?! Or could she??

"Just because you got a fucking kid with the first guy you fell in love with in high school doesn't mean that me and Alex. Oh just forget it. I WON'T GO AWAY!! I don't need a fucking rehab!! I'm not…" I didn't have any chance to end my sentence before my mother yelled back at me.

"I guess that's why you came in to the hospital half dead from a cocaine overdose…"

An hour later we hadn't reached a decision, we had yelled, we had called each other names but none seemed to give in for the other ones wish.

"Okay… I will go to the fucking rehab." I was too tired to fight anymore.

"You leave the day after tomorrow!!" My mother told me and got out of the kitchen.

I made some coffee for myself and poured it down my throat as I seeded a text message to my friends;

"_Trouble in paradise, I have to see you tomorrow… you want to skip school and see me at the Way house or are we meeting in the evening?" _

After sending the text I got to bed and fell asleep I was exhausted.


	29. Chapter 29

**Okay, here is a short one, but it is awsome... well i dedicate this chapter to You Put The Hate In My Heart... you will hate me so much... :'D**

**Gerard. **

I sat down on my bed and I kissed the familiar girl sitting next to me, she was smoking hot, as always. I wanted to rip her clothes off but I stopped myself in the last second. Instead I slowly pushed her down on the bed as I kissed her deeper and deeper. She returned my kisses, and a thought went trough my mind; this is so wrong, but at the same time it felt so right.

"Oh…Gerard!!" She moaned under me. "I want you so badly!!"

This was so sexy I thought to myself as I kissed her. I slowly started to undress her, and she moaned once again.

"What is it darling? Why don't you say my name, I love the way you say it… I want you to tell me that you love me."

I hesitated for one second but then I moaned her name.

"Alex… I love you!! And that with all my heart!" Then I kissed her on her neck and slowly I kissed her on her cheek and then her mouth. But then I stopped, I felt bad.

"What is it Gee my dear?" She touched my stomach and gently she stroke my scarred arms before she gently stroked my face. "You know that I love you!!"

"I love you to…" I slowly moaned. "But this isn't right. Not too Frankie…"

She gently bit me on my neck and whispered into my ear. "Frank isn't here is he? He will not know anything…" Then she started to draw off my tee. She pushed me down into the bed, I realized that she wouldn't take no for an answer, I was surprised over how strong this almost anorexic girl was. She sat over me and she gentle stroke her hands all over my body.

She pulled me closer to her and she touched my… well my private areas. It felt so good and I moaned out loud out of the pleasure.

"Do you want me?" She asked as she unzipped my pants and looked at me. "I guess you want…" She whispered in my ear in that sexy way… I didn't bother to answer instead I kissed her. Again and again.

I started to take off the last of her clothes as I stroked her over the body, she was so damn hot and all of my past doubts were gone, I wanted her and that now.

"Take me, NOW!!" She moaned. "Oh Gerard!"

We tumbled around in the bed, she bite me, we touched each others bodies and…

* * *

I opened my eyes with a gasp, I looked around in my room, there was no Alex, and I was all by myself. I closed my eyes again and I took a sip from my water glass.

"FUCK!!" I mumbled to myself when I opened my eyes again, I was having the same dream over and over again, but I didn't know what it meant. I just knew that I wanted Alex more and more every time I had the dream. I lay in my bed unable to sleep, after a few minutes I got up and took out a bottle of vodka from my wardrobe and I took a sip and swallowed my precious pills, then another sip. Then I was ready for sleeping again, this time I hoped I didn't have to dream strange dreams.

**Well are you happy now? ^^ tell me what you think people!!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Okay here it is a new one**

**Frank.**

I got up from my bed, the first thought coming into my mind was; today I'm gonna skip school… then I remembered. I remembered the disaster, the fight and the names.

A long time ago, 4 or 5 years ago, my mother and I had a pretty good connection, but then she realized I had too much of my father, the user, in me, and she didn't have the power to fight against it. And now I'm going to some fucking rehab.

I got into the kitchen and I didn't expect my mother to sit there sipping coffee.

"Today we are going to the school and inform them about your rehab, and then you are going to pack your things." She told me.

"And I have nothing to say about anything??" I looked at her and she shakes her head. "After I have packed my stuff I'm going to Gerard and Mikeys house and say goodbye to my friends."

"And breaking up with that girl!!" She said to me.

"Stupid bitch!!" I mumbled to myself. She ignored me and instead of continuing this useless conversation I got a cup of coffee and got out from the house to get a cigarette.

**Gerard. **

This morning I didn't have a hangover, instead I had thousands of thoughts spinning around in my head, I don't know which one I prefer…

I was thinking about the dream I had last night, what had happened to me? I sure as hell wasn't in love; there were no point in falling in love with one of your best friends' girlfriend.

And there was that text message I got from Frankie last night, what did "trouble in paradise" mean??

Mikey had already left the house when I was ready to leave, shit I thought to myself, I needed to hear his happy voice telling me about the new Simpson episode or something. Halfway to the school I got another text from Frank.

"_Mother is being a bitch, I need to see you after school, I want everyone to get there, I have some fucking bad news :(" _

I answered him and took a cigarette; I found Alex and Bob standing outside the school, both smoking. I could feel myself blushing when I saw her.

"Hi Gerard!" She said to me, and I could hear how she had moaned my name in the fucking dream.

"Hi dudes!" I said, trying to calm myself down.

"I'm so worried about him, he never sends text like this his mother is up to something, I promise!!" Alex turned around and said to Bob.

"She is probably sending Frank to his father or something, anything seems to be better than living with that bitch…" Bob answered her.

They continued their conversation about what Frank might wanted to tell us until we needed to go to our classes. Every word Alex spoke was a pain to me, it was so sexy and I... NO!! I HAVE TO STOP THIS FUCKING NONSENSE!! NOW!! Alex and Frank are the perfect couple and it is going to stay that way!!

Bob and I talked in art class until the teacher threatened to throw us out if we didn't behave. And since art class is one of the classes I actually enjoy we shut up and draw instead.

**Alex. **

I stared at the watch through the midmorning, I didn't hear a word of what the teachers said, I wrote poems and draw pictures to get the time go faster, I didn't succeed and the teachers only got mad at me for not paying attention.

Lunch came.

More time to kill came with more boring lessons.  
And with more boring lessons came more poems and more yelling from the teachers.

After school the guys and I met and slowly walked towards the home of Gerard and Mikey, Gerard was looking at me with strange glares sometimes, I think desire is the right word to describe his looks at me. The looks was creeping me out, I didn't want a lover boy hanging after me all the time I had Frank now, and he was all I needed.

"I have waited for you." A familiar voice told us when we reached the house, I got a huge smile on my lips and I rushed toward Frank to kiss him.

"Hello lover." I whispered in his ear when we ended the kiss, and Frank smiled as a moron. "Happy to se me?" I asked him and he nodded, giving me a sad glance.

We got into the house and climbed downstairs, it hit me I never seen anything of the house apart from the basement and the kitchen. When everyone got down and found somewhere to sit I could see Frank become more and more nervous.

"Okay, this thing you need to tell us… Do we need alcohol?" Gerard asked, and before Frank had answered Gerard had took out a few bottles with different kinds of liquid in.

"Yes, a lot of alcohol." Frank said suddenly looking very tired.

We drank in silence, after maybe half an hour than Frank stood up.

"Okay… I have something to say… ehm… everyone in here knows my mother is a bitch… but… I don't know how to say this… but she is making me go into some fucking rehab thingy…" I could feel myself gasp out loud.

"No, no you can't go Frank, you can't go!! I need you, I need you so much." I could hear my own voice tell him. I could feel the tears running down over my cheeks, I couldn't barley stay away from him one day, and he would leave me here? In this fucking hell!?!

"I hope you said no…" Someone said. I don't know who, everything was like a blur to me. I wanted to hurt myself, I wanted him to see how much I needed him.

"I said no, over and over again, but I realized I would have ended out on the street if I refused, she had kicked me out." Frank simply said.

I got up from the sofa where I had been sitting during the all the mess, I took a bottle of something, I grabbed my shoulder bag then I climbed upstairs. I didn't realize Frank had followed me until I was standing in the kitchen.

"But the worst part is that my mother is making me breaking up with you…"

I drank some deep gulps feeling the alcohol making me dizzy but brave to.

"WHAT?" This couldn't be fucking happening? "Oh no Mr. you can't get rid of me that essssyy!!" Damn I was spluttering.

"Alex, calm down, I don't want to but I have to do as she says…" He tried to stroke his hand over my hair but…

"You slittle pussy cat!! Maaaamas boy!!" This is why I never should drink alcohol.

"Alex, do you think I want to split up with you? Is that what you are thinking??" He yelled at me. "I love you!! Would you please understand that?"

"Then why are you leaving me??" I took up a razorblade from my bag, and I started to move it across my arm. I silted deep, hoping that none would stop me; I wanted to die, this time for real…

"ALEX, STOP IT!!" Frank shouted to me, I didn't care. I stopped one time, to drink from the bottle, and then Frank took the razor from my hand.

"This is how I feel when you are cutting!!" He yelled at me and he moved the razor over his undamaged skin.

Until this moment everything happened in a blur, the second Frank had cut I was consciousness again.

I fell down to the floor, into my own blood and warm tears where running over my cheeks.

Frank sat down he was holding me in his arms; all I could do was whispering I'm sorry over and over again.


	31. Chapter 31

**Okay... here you go... hope you like it ^^ **

**Mikey.**

We could hear the screams from upstairs, but no one reacted, we slowly tried to understand the fact that Frank was leaving us.

"_ALEX STOP IT!!" _I could hear Frank yelling to Alex and I decided I needed to check if they were okay, I ran upstairs as fast I could, I wasn't drunk but wobbly. I got into the kitchen and saw Frank and Alex sitting in a pool of blood coming mostly from Alex arms. She was crying and I didn't know what to do.

"Frank… Are you okay?" I asked Frank and he didn't answer me. "Do we need an ambulance?" Still no answer and I walked downstairs instead. I usually don't cry but now I could feel warm tears burning in my eyes.

"Bob, Alex are not okay, you should see her." I told him then I gulped from a bottle. Being drunk was actually a pretty good solution on all my problems. I would hate myself tomorrow when the hangover strikes back, but until then…

**Bob.**

Mikey came down from upstairs and he told me to check on Alex, I found her in a pool of blood, her blood in the kitchen, it was all a mess but I only cared about making Alex okay again. Frank was sitting holding her in his arms.

"Frank WHAT THE HELL??? She will bleed to death!! HELP ME FOR FUCKS SAKE!!" I yelled, and Frank seemed to wake up from some kind of dream, realizing that the blood was pouring from not only from his own arm bur also from his girlfriend's arms. We succeeded to stop the bleeding after a while, but Alex was paler than usual, and that's really pale. I carried her downstairs and laid her on one of the sofas.

Gerard stared at her, but I didn't care about him, he was drunk and so was Mikey.

"I hate drama…" I could hear Gerard mumble.

"Shut up bro!" I told him.

"You need to loosen up booy!! Drrriink some more!!" Gerard told me. I didn't care to comment nor answer.

Frank had stopped his own bleeding and sat down next to Alex, I didn't know what to do, I sipped from a bottle of vodka and smoked until Frank raised and told me to sit in his place, holding her hand.

He disappeared for five minutes and then he came back with a letter which he gave to me.

"Would you please give this to Alex? When she is ready to read it? And would you make sure she is okay?" I nodded and gave him a big hug, so did the rest of the guys. Then he leaned forward to whisper something into Alex ear, he kissed her on the forehead and then he left the room with one bottle of well… something in one hand and with his bag in the other hand.

-----------------------------------------------------Later------------------------------------------------------

"Hey… where have you two been?" Our dad stopped us the second we walked into the front door, as he had stranded there and waited for us… well he probably had. "And is that the smell of alcohol??" I was extremely happy about the fact that Alex was okay now or at least better, she was still pale, but she could stand up straight and talk.

"We have just been out on a little walk daddy, I was feeling a little bit dizzy." She said and smiled and looked innocent.

"No you haven't, and that's defiantly the smell of alcohol!!" He stared at us.

"No, I lied but does it sound better if we told you we have been drinking our heads into pieces, that we have been destroying our lungs with smoking and that I have slit my arms until I almost went unconsciousness? Isn't it better if we just pretend that we all are a happy family??" She looked at him with disgust.

"I warned you about those boys!! Didn't I??" He stared at Alex.

"Yeah, but I slit long before I came here, remember? And those are the best friends a girl like me can have… and what are you gonna do? Ground us forever??" She walked into the kitchen leaving our father who was gaping in the hallway and she made herself a cup of coffee and one for me.


	32. Chapter 32

**Okay, if there is any strange things in this capter, like names, or other stuff.... please don't blame me.. blame my friend Freddie, and if you don't like the chapter, blame him... :'D **

**And i want to thank Caroline for the amazing sneezing thing (you will understand when you have read the chapter...)  
**

**Frank. **

I was lying in bed I was tried but I couldn't go to sleep instead I was thinking about solutions how I could avoid going away, I had thought of running away but it wasn't a solution…. It was a long time ago I had seen Gerard so drunk, he hadn't even cared about that Alex almost had bled to death…

And Alex she was a mess, really, I wasn't sure if Bob could keep her alive. I love her with all my heart but… ARHGH... I didn't know what to do.

I got out of my bed, lit up a cigarette and thought of the first time I saw her. A nervous girl, but still so pretty and with attitude that came into the classroom, I had felt myself staring, but I had succeeded too keep my eyes off her, better to ignore someone than be rated as a pervert… Anyhow I think I fell in love with her the first time she stepped into the classroom.

I sucked in the smoke into my mouth and kept it inside my lungs until it felt like them was blowing up. I opened my mouth and I slowly blew the smoke out through my lips.

I looked at my arm, I heard Alex screams over and over again inside my head, and I could feel the wound burn like a fire, reminding me of everything.

To help me stop thinking about everything I unpacked my guitar from its case, I couldn't leave her home now when I was going away. I started to play, without thinking, it had been my father's old guitar, and she had helped me trough many rough times. I know it sounds silly…

-------------------- **----------In the morning**----------------------------------------

When I got up in the morning I took a look at myself in the mirror, I looked worn out, tired. But nothing a cup of coffee and a cigarette couldn't fix… hopefully…

I slowly started to put some clothes on, I didn't know what to wear but finally I deiced to wear a pair of skinny jeans and a plain black T-Shirt with a simple skull on. I ran downstairs; I got my morning coffee from the machine and stared at my mother. She was sitting at the table with a photograph album in her hands; she had tears running down her cheeks.

"Frank, I don't want to lose you…." She said.

"No… no… you aren't going to lose me… I promise! Not like you lost him…" I was referring to my father, if we were talking about him we usually simply call him 'him'. I could feel the tears burning. I walked over to her and looked at the old pictures. There were photos of me and her, of me, and of me, my mother and him. The photos of me and her were before we lost our connection, I looked at one picture, I was about 12 maybe 11 and not very alternative, but we both smiled into the camera and we both looked happy. We had been on a road trip that summer, and we had so much fun. And my mother looked so beautiful.

I chanced the sides, and I found pictures from the summer after that. I had dyed black hair, dark clothes and I gave the one taking the photo the middle finger… I wondered what had happened.

I chanced the side again, a photo of me at 15 stared back at me. I had a cigarette in my hand and a piercing in my lip, I was smirking into the camera but I didn't look very happy. On the next side a picture of my mother stared at me, she looked so tired, worn out and her beauty had disappeared…

I lit up a cigarette for myself, trying to hold my tears back.

"I just want the best for you, Frank. I don't want to bury you…"

"I know mother." We looked at each other a while before the doorbell rang.

"The car is her." She simply said and went to answer the door.

I swallowed the last of my coffee, went upstairs, I got my things and took a last look at my room. I climbed downstairs, and I glared at my mother, gave her a hug and without looking back I left her.

* * *

I sat in silence in the taxi. How much could she care if she didn't even drive me to the fucking place? Suddenly I sneezed and hit my head into the driver's seat.

"FUCK!!" I screamed out loud.

"No son, not in my car." The driver said and stared at me with strange eyes.

"No… I just hit my head…" I mumbled. Instead of continuing the conversation I put in my ear phones and listened to Taking Back Sunday.

50 minutes later the car stopped in front of a high red building made of stone.

"There you go." The driver said and got out of the car, he put my stuff on the side way and drove away as fast as I got out of the car. It was just like a crappy American film.

I picked up my bag and the guitar case and walked up to the door, if I just had walked past the building I never had thought it was a rehab clinic, well when I got in I found a young alternative guy sitting at a desk.

"Yes?" he looked up at me.

"Hi… I'm Frank Iero… I'm going to live here for a while… well my mother has decided that at least…" I looked around in the room.

"Oh, good, would you please fill in these papers?" He gave me some papers and a pen.

"Done?" I nodded. "Come here. I'm Brad Trent Chad Philips by the way. But you can call me Trent…" I smiled at him and followed Trent into a little room; there was just a bed and a desk.

"Well, this is your room, put your stuff here and come out to my desk again…" He walked out of the room and I sat down on the bed, fighting against the tears…


	33. Chapter 33

**OMG the wery first chapter with Frank away from the rest of the boys from My Chem and away from poor Alex... well he will come back... mabye ;) but if you want to know, please countinue to read my story ;) BAHAHAH *evil laugh and glares evil at you* well hope you like it ^^**

**Bob.**

I sat on my bed I didn't want to face the chaos downstairs. Frank had left today, and Alex had spent the day walking around like a zombie and had looked like she was hating the world… just like me and the guys had done.

Dad was now yelling at Alex, Alex stared in front of her, ignoring him and Alice was yelling at dad, well at least it had been that way when I went upstairs. And upset voices still was heard up to me. I lit up a cigarette, I had been about to quit it before Alex came… but what the heck. Life isn't long enough anyways…

Then I maybe did the stupidest thing I could do in this situation I opened my door and walked out from my room and climbed downstairs, I had still my cigarette in my right hand.

"Ey, Alex, want one?" I threw the package to her.

"Thanks bro." She said to me, smirking at our father as she lit it up and took a deep smoke.

"Oh no missy, not in my fucking house." He screamed to the both of us, well the missy was for Alex, but I still had my cigarette in my hand, and just because to irritate him some more I took another smoke on it.

"DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH AN ASSHOLE!?!" It was Alice who now seemed to be seriously mad… I remembered this from another marriage, from another wife and other fights…

"Alice, these are my children, I raise them the way I want…" He had now turned around to his wife. "….and if you have some kind of problem with that, you better leave. You to!!"

"No smoking in this fucking house? Okay Bob, if we aren't welcome here, let us leave!!!"

"Don't you dare to walk away from here!!" He yelled in panic but his words didn't stop us, we just left the fucking place.

"Did we just do that?" I asked her I shock.

"I guess we did." She laughed at me, but then she became seriously. "What are we gonna do now? I mean we got nowhere to stay right now and nowhere to go… well this sucks…" she took another smoke on the cigarette in her hand.

"A Friday night… we could find some party to crash… or we could go home to Gee and Mikey… they probably have some alcohol at least…." I grinned and started to walk towards the home of the Way brothers without thinking about what Alex wanted. '

"No I don't want to get drunk…. I wanna see Frank… I hate this!! HATE IT!!" She screamed out into the night.

"No, I know but we can't stay here at least… we can go home to them and se what they are up to… Come on. I hate this as much as you do!!" She stood still for a second but then she followed me. But she was looking like a unhappy child.

**Alex. **

I walked at the side of my brother, I was mad at the world, at everyone and no one at the same time… confusing? YES!! On one hand I wanted to be constantly drunk or high just to be able to ignore the pain I felt because Frank had left me, yes I know it is only temporary… On the other hand I wanted to feel the pain, to remind me of my loss. Oh yes, I sound just like a drama queen, I know, but have you ever felt that kind of pain you will understand me!!

And I didn't want to be just like Gerard, he is just like me… he choose the alcohol side… and he have made me unsure of what I'm gonna choose…

"Is this really so bad?" My brother looked at me.

"No I guess not…. But I miss him so darn much!!" I mumbled and blushed.

We continued walking and it was painfully silence. We reached the Ways house and hit the doorbell. A woman opened the door, she looked just like Gerard and Mikey, and she was probably their mother.

"Hello, !!" Bob said and smiled at the woman.

"Bob… How many times do I need to tell you to call me Donna??"

"Well at least one more time…" He said and stepped into the house.

How many times had I been into the house without ever seeing Gees and Mikeys parents?? This was the first time…

"And you must be Alex?" Donna said and smiled at me.

"Yes… nice to finally meet you Donna." I smirked at my brother as I said that.

"Ahhh… a girl that obeys my whishes… Nice to meet you too, Gerard and Mikey hasn't stopped talking about you ever since you moved here. I'm so glad they met a nice girl to hang out with." She was still smiling at me and I felt quite uncomfortable.

"Mikey and Gerard is in the kitchen…"

We walked into the room and found both Gee and Mikey sitting at the kitchen table and doing some homework. I could barley help myself from gasping when I saw them. I hadn't excepted them to do that!!

"Hii!!" Mikey looked up from the book. "What are you doing here??"

"Oh, our dear daddy kicked us out of the house and now we have nowhere to go…." I answered him.

"For what??" Gees head popped up and he looked at us both.

Bob looked at me before he answered him. "Well for smoking, drinking, slicing and for the fact that we are in his face 24/7… I guess…"

"Well boys…. And girl… I'm going to get my husband from his work and then he and I are going to the Smiths and we are going to spend the night there at their dinner party… Bob and Alex you could sleep here if you whish… bye!!"

Donna told us and then she left us all alone in the house, making us stare at each other.

"So what do you wanna to do?" Gerard asked and looked at every single one in the room…


	34. Chapter 34

**WOHO I was looking at LOTMS while writing this :D:D i'm so happy right now :D hope u like it was much as i do, and there is a suprise 4 u in the end ^^ enjoy people :D**

**Bob. **

I could feel Gerard staring at me; I know what he wanted me to answer. That we should go downstairs and to get drunk… but I knew Alex didn't want to get drunk and I on the other hand was confused, not knowing what I wanted.

"I dunno…" I answered as I put my hand into my jacket pocket where I found a piece of paper; I took it out and saw my sister's name on it. I hesitated for a second then I handed over the note to Alex.

"Frank gave me this…"

"What is it?" She looked at it.

"He gave me that yesterday and it is a note..."

"Yeah I got that you idiot, but what does it say??" She cut me off with her new question.

"I dunno." I shrugged my shoulders as she unfolded the note.

"What does it says??" Mikey asked.

"I…I…I think I should read this alone…." Alex answered nervously and she left the kitchen.

**Alex. **

I left the kitchen and walked into a corridor and I found a room which I walked into. I sat down at the bed, reading his words.

"_**Alex my darling!!**_

_**I hate to leave you like this; well I hate to leave you at all!! NO I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!!! There is no need for panic!! You don't have to slit, there is no need, I promise. You have your brother, Gee and Mikey, they will help you and it isn't something I just say, I know it. Talk to them, and let them help you to take care of yourself!!**_

_**I love you until the day I die, but I don't know how long I will be gone or even where I will end up, so I'm asking you to break up with me. If you find someone you fall in love with, or someone that can make you happy or something, go out with them, let yourself be happy!! **_

_**ALEXANDRA BRYAR I LOVE U SO MUCH**__**, I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU!!**_

_**xoxo your Frank**__"_

I couldn't believe my eyes, and not the words I had been reading, I felt tears burning behind my eyes, but I didn't want to cry. I read the words over and over again before I took a look around in the room, it was filled with drawings and I was guessing it was Gees room.

I sighed and got up from the bed and walked back into the kitchen.

"Hey guys, anyone have a lighter??" Everyone turned around and looked at me. "Hello?? Anyone?? Come on!!" I stared at Gerard and he looked back at me, I didn't cry, I didn't scream, I wasn't panicking, I was calm and asked for a lighter. I guess they had expected some kind of reaction from my side.

"Oh My God!!! Would you please hand me a lighter you stupid fuckers??" Gerard dug through his pockets and he gave me a lighter.

"Here you go!! No need to be nasty missy!!" He said and smirked at me.

"Thanks. You know I have to be nasty darling." I rolled my eyes and hold the note from Frank over the flame from the lighter.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING??" Mikey yelled at me.

"Come on, it's my fucking note, and now you can't read the fucking thing!!" I said to him and then I continued with: "So what do you wanna do?" I stopped talking. "I wanna get drunk!! Let's go downstairs!!" I could hear Gerard mumble a simple yes behind me when we climbed downstairs.

"I thought you didn't want to get drunk and that you pity the one who gets drunk every evening…" I could hear the bitterness in my brother's voice.

"Sorry Bob, the note chanced my fucking mind and I do pity them, can't I pity myself, can I??" I could hear the hardness in my voice, but I didn't care right now. "And that's what you said, that first day, didn't you say that you always end up drunk in this basement… so why chance the traditions??"

"Okay... sorry…" He said to me and looked a little hurt, but he didn't seem to judge me.

We ironic just sat downstairs, barley talking to each other and we looked at Simpsons. Gerard wasn't only drinking, he popped a lot of pills and after a hour or so he got up and he climbed upstairs, he was a bit wobbly, but he was looking great, I never have thought of him like a hot, no a really hot guy before….

He came back a couple of minutes later with a brown paper bag, it was so… cliché. You know, the outcasts are sitting in a basement and getting drunk and high all by themselves.

We smoke….well stuff… and we drank a lot and had a lot of fun until someone came up with the great idea that we should find a party to crash… it could have been me, but I really don't remember anymore…

Wasted, high and happy we stumbled out into the chilly Friday night, and after a while we found a party and we got into the house. I didn't know a single person there, but the guys saw some people from school.

**Gerard. **

It had been a long time ago since I had this much fun. Alex and I sat down into a sofa, Bob was talking to some of his friends and Mikey had disappeared away with this chic I know he really like, I think her name is Caroline, a pretty one, but nothing like the angle who sat next to me.  
WHAT THE FUCK??!! Did I just call Alex an angle?? I'm so falling in love with Alex… I'm so fucking screwed!!

"Wait here a minute…" I said to her and she nodded sipping more booze from her bottle.

I walked over to Bob and started to talk to some dudes.

"Well Heeeelllllloooooo!!!" I heard a voice belonging to a boy, but sounded like a girl… I turned around and saw a guy, he wasn't good looking, if I should be nice… he had a pink shirt and his hair had way to much wax in it. It was a horrible sight!!

"Ehm… hi dude…" I answered him, and thought to myself that I should get away from him as fast as possible…

"I'm Jacob. And I gotta tell you, that you are a very handsome man!!"

"Gerard, and thanks… I guess…"

The guy called Jacob continued talking to me, and I think he came on to me… HARD!! I wasn't interested of him at all, or that he just had been dumped and that he was looking for a new one.

"Sorry Jacob, I have to get back to that pretty girl over there." I told him and started to get away, and he followed me.

"She is SOOOO not your type darling!!!" he looked at me saying this.

"And what the heck is my type then??"

"Someone like me!! can't you see it??"

I just walked away from him and sat next to Alex in the sofa. I bend over and whispered into her ear. Then she bended over and kissed me on my lips. I couldn't help myself from kiss her back, deeper and deeper…


	35. Chapter 35

**Here is the next one... hope you like it ^^**

**BTW!! I have to stop making fun of my friends when they are drunk.... Caroline this is whats happening when you are begging me to use you in my story, and i love you very much ^^ i promise :) i guess i dedicate this one to Caroline-yes and to my other classmates who have been lauhing me during mathclass today becuse of this chapter ^^  
**

After a while we broke apart and I could feel the taste of her, she tasted of alcohol, cigarettes and something sweet, I'm not sure of what.

She bended over to me again and whispered into my ear:

"And that's the way to get rid of a gay that is coming on to you, make out with someone of the other sex and they will run awaaaaay as fast as they can…" She stopped talking and looked around herself in the room. I hadn't got a clue of what she was looking at; I had only eyes for her!!

"This was a boring party!! I wanna go some where else, don't you wanna leave?!! I'm gonna go and se where Mikey is and see if he wanna come to another paaaartaaaay!!" She said out loud, and then she kissed me on the cheek before wobbling away and leaving me with that dude Jacob. Alex kiss hadn't scared him away, aw fuck that…!! I lit up a cigarette and tried to ignore him the best I could…

**Mikey.**

I looked at the pretty Caroline who was standing in front of me. Her blonde hair was fluffy, she was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a red tank top and she was looking stunning, she was way to pretty for me. A girl with her standards shouldn't choose a boyfriend like me…

"Hiii Miikey, sooo niche to seh you!!" She was drunk, she was spluttering and she threw herself around my neck giving me the biggest hug of my life.

"Hi sweetie!! You look great!!" I said to her when she let go of me.

"Mikey… I loooveeee youu!! I wanna kiss you!!"

WHAT??!! She must be really drunk, I thought to myself. I mean I have heard that she liked me, but she had told Sofi that I really wasn't her type…

"Give me a kiss would youuuuu?" She asked and put her lower lip in front of the over pouting like a child.

"You really want it??" She closed her eyes and nodded; I leaned down but before I could kiss her she opened her eyes again…

"BUT YOU DON'T HAVE HERPES?? HAVE YOU GOT HERPES?? 'CAUSE THAT IS A HELL OF A PROBLEM 'CAUSE MY MOTHER HAS IT IN…" She started to scream all over the place but I cut her off.

"No I don't have herpes!! Shut your eyes again so I can kiss you woman!!" And she did as she was told and I leaned forward again and this time I actually kissed her gently on her lips. She returned my kiss and when she let go she smiled at me…

"I like you!!" She said to me.

"I kinda like you to!!" I told her, kissing her again, after a while she let go and whispered into my ear.

"I have no parents at home…. and I live fiivee noo seveeen houses awaaay… want some alone time??"

She took my hand when Alex walked up to me, she had a bottle of something in her hand and she smirked at me.

"HIIII MIKEY!! Me and Gerard is goi… MIKEY IS GONNA SCORE TONIGHT!!" She said out loud and gave me a big hug. I could feel my cheeks burning but I didn't care.

"Yeah something wrong with the fact that I'm attractive and people want to fuck with me…" I smirked back at her.

"Ouch!! That almost hurt!! But I forgive you!!"

"What did you say 'bout Gee and..?" She cut me off; she is always like this when she is drunk, well if she's not slicing her wrists open, it is pretty charming… but sometimes it is quite annoying…

"We are just gonna find a new partaayyy!! No need to worry 'bout us, you have othhhher plans!!" Caroline pulled in my hand she was inpatient to leave and we slowly walked away from Alex.

"MIKEY!!! DON'T FORGET TO USE PROTECTION DARLING!!!" I could hear her laughing at me as we left the house.

**Alex. **

When I saw Mikey and that girl my heart started to ace again, my thoughts disappeared to Frank, where was he? Was he okay? I thought of his beautiful face and his cute smile…

I walked back to Gerard who still was sitting in the sofa with this guy who didn't seem to get the message… I recognized him from the cafeteria, he usually sat with the more popular girls and gave them advices on which mascara they should buy…

"Where is Bobert??" I asked Gerard.

Gerard pointed at my brother who had stuck his tongue down some girl's throat… I looked back at Gerard with judging eyes.

"What?? Don't judge him. He has neeeeeds! He is a man!!"

I just shake my head and walked up to Bob, I tapped him on the shoulder which made him turn around and looked at me.

"Mikey is with some chick…. And I'm bored…. Me and Gee is leaving… Have FUUUUN!! I yelled at him and me and Gerard left the party. As we walked out from the party I could hear how Bob yelling to me:

"Don't wait up mommy!!"

We walked a little bit down the street, suddenly Gerard stopped and looked over the shoulder and I did the same thing. After us came a drunken guy dressed in a pink shirt.

"She will break your heart!! I will never hurt you!!" He screamed to Gerard.

"OH would you please leave my BOYFRIEND alone for fucks sake!!" I screamed to the boy… "Come on Gerard, lets go home!" I continued saying to him.

**Gerard. **

We walked in silence, and I felt that I was sobering up… and that's not okay!! When we came home to my place I stared at her, I wanted to kiss her, but she was still Frank's girlfriend, for one second I hated him with all my heart…

"Why are you looking at me like that??" She asked me.

"You look very pretty and why in hell did you call me your boyfriend??!!" I lit up a cigarette.

"Come on Gerard, you are a boy and my friend, which makes a boyfriend, don't it?? She told me as she was giggling, and then she kissed me on my cheek and I could feel myself blush.

"Uhghr… I'm almost sober… I need more adult juice…" I said out loud and I started to walk to my room, Alex came after me and she sat down at my floor while I reviled my secret stash of alcohol. I took out some bottles and sat down next to her at the floor.

**3 hours later. **

**Alex. **

I fought to keep my eyes open, I had drunk way too much, and that wasn't only tonight I had been drinking… some days this week… I'm not sure of how many… and my body was telling me to stop drinking and to get some sleep. It was only Gerard and me in the house and he kept looking at me with overprotective but still so beautiful eyes.

"Are you tired honey?" Gerard asked.

"Yeah!!" I nodded.

"You shouldn't drink so much… you will end up like one of those pathetic alcoholic chicks that everybody just role their eyes over…. And I love you to much to let that happen…"

"You sholdunt drink so much either….!!" I mumbled to him. "Gerard…?"

"Uh-uhn?" He answered me.

"We are not okay…" Then my eyes fell down and I slowly fell asleep at his shoulder.


	36. Chapter 36

**Okay, if you think this one sucks... blame someone else... **

What a horrible headache was the first thought that came through my mind when I opened my eyes. What did I do last night? The second thing I noticed was I wasn't in my room, not even at my house. I sat up and looked around me. The walls were covered with drawings and posters.

"Are you okay?" A familiar face stared back at me from a desk.

"Uhrgh…" I made some kind of sound. "Headache… needs water!! NOW!!"

"HAHAHA!!" Gerard was laughing at me and didn't move a millimetre from his desk.

"FUCK YOU!!" I mumbled.

"Someone is a bit hangover?? Come here and you will get some water!!" He told me.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate you Gerard Arthur Way?" I glared at him as I stood up.

"Hmm, yes this one time in school…" He started to say.

"Oh yeah that time, now I hate you even more!!" I walked up to him and reached out to get the glass of water that stood in front of him. I grabbed the glass and drank it all. When I put it back Gerard grabbed my wrist and looked into my eyes. His eyes were red and he had bags under them, I wondered if he had got some sleep during the night… I stared into his eyes thinking that he would let go, but when he still held my wrist I could feel the panic coming over me.

"Why are you destroying yourself with this kind of shit??" He moved his fingernails over my not yet fully healed scars. I tried to make him let go but he was holding to hard.

"I could ask you the same fucking thing… Come on let go of my fucking arm." I hate being questioned and my slitting is something I hate to talk about…

"Come on!! You are so pretty and Frank loves you so much. What are you have to be depressed about?? It's not like my life… I have no fucking girlfriend; I'm an alcoholic, a drug abuser without any plans for the future. I hate my fucking life…"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE, OR ABOUT FRANK OR OR ANYTHING!!!" I dragged back my arm from his grip and stared at him, I was so mad I could kill him.

"ALEX CALM DOWN FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!"

**Gerard. **

I had started to question Alex and all the suddenly she got so mad at me, she was yelling and I yelled back telling her to calm down. She didn't listen and she stared at me as she wanted to kill me. I know I should freak out, I should run away but instead I dragged her into a hug. I was holding her tight refusing to let go, she was trying to punch me but I have been into to many fights, I didn't bother.

"Are you gonna calm down now?" I whispered into her hair.

"No…" she mumbled back, she was just like a mad child.

"You are really not mad at me, are you?" I asked her.

"No." She mumbled again.

"Then why are you freaking out?" I asked her another question.

"Because I can?" She said and I let her go, she had a little smile on her lips.

"Honey… do you want to tell me something?" I looked at her and she shakes her head, refusing to tell me; I could feel how I needed a cigarette.

"Hey I need some coffee and a cigarette, need one to?" She nodded again and we walked to the kitchen.

I made the coffee as Alex sat down at the table.

"How much do you drink? You really have a problem??" She looked at me.

"Too much…." I told her and looked into the wall.

"Fuck!" She mumbled.

"What??" I stared at her.

"No... No… nothing really…"

"I know I'm strange but I usually don't mumble fuck if there isn't something wrong with me or something else?"

"It is eating me up from the inside, the addiction, I want to stop the pain inside my soul… and I can't resist it… I want to see the blood pouring out of my veins…"

I could feel myself staring at her.

"I whish I could help… but… I can't I just can't… what's the problem honey?"

"The problem is that I can't turn the time back 2 weeks… if I could Frank would be here and…" And here I cut her off.

"And you would all been so happy and I wouldn't stand here slowly falling in love with you!!"

"YOU SAY WHAT??!!" She stared at me.


	37. Chapter 37

**Okay here you go people ^^ btw kent and vinternoll2 is a great band and song to listen to this chapter, u wont understand the lyrcis but my swedish readers (carro!!!) should obey me and listen to it... everyone else could if they wanna ^^**

**Alex.**

DID HE JUST FUCKING TELL ME THAT? DID HE SAY THAT? OR AM I STILL DREAMING?? My head was screaming, trying to find an explanation for his words.

"No." I said.

"Yeah, and that's the fucking truth!!" He stared into my eyes. "And it is killing me… To fall in love with one of my best friends little sister and another of my best friend's girlfriend… it beaks my heart…"

"No…No!!" I whispered over and over again, I felt uncomfortable with Gerard being so truthful and telling me this shit. "No… You are one of… NO!!" I tried to say something but I couldn't get the right words.

"Alex I know it is so wrong. And I know you are "Frankies girl"…" He said and made air speaks makers. "But I can't help it…"

I took a deep breath trying to figure out what to tell this amazing guy. I can admit that I have been attracted to him… no not have been, I am. I can also admit that kissing him yesterday night had been nice… and I had felt alive… But I love Frank, and not like those bimbo girls who say that they love their boyfriends and then leave them for the next guy kind of love, it is with all my little black heart I love him.

"Gerard this is absurd… you don't love me… you just feel lonely… and…" I didn't know how to continue so I shut up for a second, hoping I didn't need to speak more.

"And??" FUCK NOW I NEEDED SOMETHING MORE TO SAY!!! Then I figured out something….

"Remember when you were a kid and Mikey had a toy he played with… and you wanted to play with the same fucking toy just because he was playing with it… You two got into a fight, and maybe you won, just because you were the stronger one and then the toy wasn't interesting anymore when you finally got to play with it…"

Gerard was staring at me for a second then he opened his mouth to say something.

"Come on Alex, what has toys to do with me falling in love with you?? You are crazy girl…!!"

"Oh are you really that stupid??" I looked at him, and then I continued. "Frank is playing with his toy… ME. And you want the toy…!! How hard can it be to understand??"

"No… this is for real... I have never met a girl I like so much before…." He stared at me.

"Okay can you still tell me that you want me, when you hear this?? Frankie dumped me through that fucking letter yesterday!!! He told me that I should find someone that would make me happy! And he told me he would break up with me the night before he left. And that's the fucking reason I sliced my wrists open that night…" I stared at him and he looked into my eyes, trying to understand the words I just told him. "Well do you still think I'm that extra special??"

I broke our eye contact and waited for him to answer.

"Well for the first, Frank is a fucking idiot…. And second of all OF COURSE I STILL BELIEVE YOU ARE SPECIAL!!!" He glared at me.

"Fine, congrats you have a crush on me, get over it!!" I mumbled and tried to sink through the floor… if you ever have tried that you know it isn't a very easy thing to do, it is more or less impossible… I glared at him; I needed an excuse to get away from this conversation and this uncomfortable situation. "I need to take a shower… Can I use yours?" Gerard nodded and he pointed down the hall.

I undressed and let the steaming hot water gentle touch my body, I felt filthy, but it was nothing I could do about it, no water could clean of this dirtiness… Well there was one thing I could do…

"_Come on Alex, it will feel so much better__ if you do it." _A voice in my head told me.

"No… it won't…!" I was trying to convince myself…

"_Yes it will!! You will feel the blood pouring out of your pale skin, and you will feel great!! Trust me; have I ever been wrong before??" _

"Yeah…." Be strong, I remembered what Frank had told me.

"_No I haven't, come on you want to hurt yourself… you have been a bad bad girl!! Y__ou kissed another man…" _

"SHUT THE FUCK UP WILL YOU!!" I screamed out loud to the voice.

"_I will shut up… you know what you have to do… cut, I wanna see blood, I want to hear you scream from the pain!!" _From this moment I couldn't resist it any more, I jumped out of the shower and went through my pockets until I found my sweetest friend, I dragged the razor over my wrist a couple of times, the voice faded away more and more every time I cut.

"Alex?? Are you okay??" Gerard knocked at the door.

"Yeah… I guess…." I answered, trying to sound normal.

He stood outside the door for a second.

"Alex could open the door please?"

"Give me a second, I'm gonna get dressed first…"

Five minutes later I opened the door, and I found Gerard standing outside, looking at me. I smirked at him.

"What are you so happy…" He didn't end the sentence before he realized why. "Alex for crying out loud why??"

"I told you I had abstinence…" then I walked out into the kitchen finding my brother and Mikey looking hangover.

The telephone was ringing and Mikey answered, he covered the phone and said Alice, then he asked if we wanted to be here or not.

"We are here, let me talk to her" I said.

After a while I hang up and looked at the two of them, Gerard hadn't joined us again after he found out my little "side-step".

Bob was staring at me or more precisely my arm and Mikey tried to get a toast out of the toaster with a fork, and yes it was still plugged in…

"Dad has calmed down, well he is super hangover and Alice said it was okay for us to get home… if we still wanna…?"

"Are you gonna go there?" Mikey asked still concentrated at the toaster.

"Guess so… it will be easier that way… MIKEY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD TAKE THAT FORK OUT FROM THE TOASTER!!" I yelled at him and he turned around and looked at me.

"Alex… you are bleeding…" He simply said.


	38. Chapter 38

**Well we have been spending a lot of our time together with our favorite brothers and their friends, Bob and his sister Alex. I think now is the time to check on our favorite Frank. **

**Frank. **

I have been spending the last couple of days trying not to cooperate with the world; I had been playing the guitar and smoking a lot... People had been really nice to me but I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be with my awesome, beautiful girlfriend. No now she is my fucking ex girlfriend… fuck I had been so stupid… I banged my head into the wall; I concentrated on the pain instead.

I picked up my cigarettes and lit up one for me when Trent walked into my room and looked at me.

"Come on young man, you are gonna talk."

"Talk??" I stared at him and I could feel the panic rise.

"Yes, tell us who you are, where you come from and why the heck you are here, because you don't fit in here, you are a mysterious young man you know that?" He looked me into the eyes and took the cigarette package from me; he lit one cigarette up for himself. "People are curious… they wonder who you are and we only got your name...!! And that's why you are gonna talk, come here."

Trent walked out from the room and I couldn't do anything but to follow him into the living room where a lot of people sat and stared at me.

"Okay… People have been asking, you nosey bastards, about the new boy… and he is gonna talk a little about himself, and I hope we, both the personal and you guys here can help him."

I took a deep breath, I filled my lungs with oxygen and then I started to talk.

"Okay, so my name is Frank Anthony Iero, I'm fifteen or I will be sixteen next week… I'm in high school, I hate school and I like to play the guitar. I think that's all you need to know about me… Questions??" I hate him, Trent, I hate my mother, I hate myself, and I hate everyone that is staring at me right now. It felt like as I was back in middle school and I had just moved into the place and everyone was staring at me because I was the wired, new one…

"Why are you here?" A girl some years older than me asked me the question.

"Cocaine overdose, come on Trent, does I really need to say anything more?? This is painful!!"

"No you can sit down." I walked back into the room and ended up next to the girl who had asked me the question. She stared at me as Trent started to talk about some shit, I didn't care about what, and I assumed it was boring, it sounded just like school you know.

"Hi… I'm Julie." The girl next to me stuck out her hand to me and presented herself.

"Hi." I mumbled. "Nice to meet you…"

She started to chat a little with me and I tried to ignore her, I didn't succeed very well. She was talking about school, why she was here and stuff like that.

"Are you single?" The question hit me as a slap in my face. I didn't know what to answer; I moved my fingers over the scar that cut over my wrist before answer.

"No… Yes… she dumped me when she found out…" Hey, who said I need to tell the truth??

"Ouch… that gotta hurt…" I nodded to confirm the fact.

"Frank? Come here!!" Trent had ended his little talk and wanted me to follow him. I did as I was told; I learned fast that's the easier way to do it here, shut up and follow the orders... We walked under silence until we stopped outside a door saying psychologist.

"We are trying to find out everything about your problems… have fun…" he said and walked away from me.

I. HATE. THAT. GUY!

I stepped into the room and found a man in the late thirties sitting behind a desk looking at me.

"Frank? Sit down, please." I again did as I was told and sat down in a chair.

"Sooo…" He looked at me and I felt uncomfortable, there was something in his eyes that made me nervous. "Why does a young man like you start with drugs?"

I shrugged my shoulder and I didn't know what to answer him.

"Come on Frank, how was your childhood?" This guy really didn't back off…

"Horrible… my father left when I was five and my mother has been telling me that I'm her life's biggest mistake…"

"Okay… And that made you feel?" Are shrinks always this stupid??

"Kinda shitty… Then I met my best friends, and one of them tried to kill himself about a year ago… and he started with the drugs and so did I. And that's why I started…"

This went on and on, after an hour the shrink let me go and I hid in my room again, I hate it here.

I was lying on my bed and realized that I had a phone in my room; yes those bastards had taken my cell phone away… I jumped out of the bed and took a deep breath as I hit the right number. My hands were shaking.

"Hello?"

**well i hope you liked this one... ^^**


	39. Chapter 39

**Okay... This time i actually have a plan behind the cahpter, i'm so proud over myself... And since i got an amazin idea this story will be longer than i thought it would be. And that would make some of you very happy, at least i whish you to be happy!! ^^ **

**Alex.**

I was lying on my bed, still a little bit hangover from yesterday and I didn't dare to go downstairs, hell waited down there for me and I didn't have enough power to face it right now. My phone rang and I reached out to get it.

"Hello?" I said, waiting for the other one to answer. "Come on, hello?" Still no answer, suddenly the one calling hanged up on me. I took my phone away from my ear and I just stared at it, I didn't recognize the number.

The silence was ringing in my ears and I put on a CD, I sang along into the lyrics without listening.

Suddenly my phone rang again, I looked at the number, it was the same unfamiliar number as before.

"Hello?" No answer this time either but I could hear someone breathe. "Come dude… I can hear your breathing…" And again the one calling was hanging up on me. I threw my phone into the wall and I was hoping for it to break, it didn't. Fuck.

Irritated I turned up the music and someone was knocking on my door.

"Yes." I opened and stared angry at my father.

"Turn it down!" he said and stared at me. "Have you been doing it again?" He asked and looked at my newest scars.

"Yes, I have." That was all I said, the phone rang again as we spoke and I walked to it and answered.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME??" I yelled into the phone and I could hear someone slowly start to cry. Suddenly I got cold.

"Frank?" I whispered.

"Yes!!" Frank sobbed.

"_Frank you got a medical exam. Right now!!" _Someone said in the background.

"Shit, I gotta go… sorry…" Then he hanged up.

I stared at my phone, then at my father and then back at the phone again.

"I'm sorry about everything. Dad…" I took a deep breath. "I never meant to hurt you; it's not your fault. It is me I hate, I guess… I don't want to fight with you… So what about you let Bob and me be who we are and we won't get you into any trouble??" I thought it was easier to be nice to him. My life was hard enough…

My father nodded then he said.

"Alex, would you please turn the music down a little?" I nodded and did I was told.

An hour later Bob came into my room he smiled like a moron.

"So you scored last night? Congrats bro… Was it your first time." I giggled and smirked at him.

"I did, and for your information… NO!!!!" He smirked back.

"Dude!! TO MUCH INFORMATION!!!" I said and made sure he understood me. "So who was she??"

"No one…" He said and tried to avoid the question. "You had fun with Gee??"

"Kinda… I passed out on his bed… I had a little too much to drink I guess…" I blushed, I know it is a lie, but he don't need to know do he?

"Well Alice told me to try to get your lazy ass downstairs and eat some lunch!!" He said and opened my door and walked out.

Thank god!! I was dying for some food. I probably eat too little, but I don't care…

Dad and Alice were going out with some friends and Bob had to do some homework so he wouldn't fail in chemistry. I had no plans at all for the evening so I picked up my phone and called Mikey.

"Hi Mikey darling, what are you up to tonight?"

"Oh hi Alex… I'm gonna spend my evening with Caroline. You have any plans?"

"Nope, nothing to do… OH did you score?" I giggled but at the same time I felt more heartbroken than ever.

"Dude, I'm not telling ya!!" He simply said.

"Darling I take that as a yes, have fun tonight and don't forget to use protection!!!" I said with a giggle and hang up.

"So what are I gonna do??" I said to myself. I got an idea and picked up my phone again, this was something I would regret for a long time, an action that would make my life so much more complicated and in some ways more dark but in some ways so much more beautiful...

"Alex wazzup?

"Hi Gerard… I'm bored and I was thinking if you wanted to se Nightmare Before Christmas with me?" I can tell all the words they say, but I love the movie so much I can always se it one more time.

"Sure… are you coming here?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in half an hour I said and hang up.

I slipped into one of my nicer tank tops, with nicer I meant I almost looked sexy and I redid my makeup before telling Bob I would spend the evening with Gerard. When I was going out from the house I realized something.

"SHIT!!" I said out loud remembering it was ages ago I shaved my legs; I checked if it was okay, thank god I'm a blond then I hurried away.

I hit the doorbell when I arrived at Gerard's home, he opened the door and I kissed him on the cheek, he smelled a little of alcohol, but I was getting used to it. We went downstairs and Gerard put on the film, he sat down in the sofa in front of the TV and I crawled up into his arms, at first he got stiff then he relaxed.

I was whispering into the tellers words in the beginning, just like I always did. Gerard laughed at me.

"Oh come on I know all the words too, I don't need anyone to say them." He smirked at me and couldn't resist my urge so I leaned forward and kissed him on his lips.

"If I'm not allowed to talk, you aren't either." I said when we broke apart.

"If that's my punishment I will probably talk some more…" He couldn't end his sentence before I hit him friendly.

"Nope, that's your punishment!!" I said with a smirk. Then we shut up again and looked at the film.

The man talking in the beginning shut up and he was replaced with the intro song.

"Boys and girls of every age…" I slowly sang along before I shut up because so did Gerard and he had the most amazing voice I ever had heard and I just looked at him. After a while he stopped and stared at me.

"Sorry… I forgot…" he slowly said, apologizing for his behavior.

"Never ever say sorry again when you are singing… you have an amazing voice!!"

"I have??" He asked and looked at me. I nodded and looked at the film again.

We said one line each, we were pretending we were like an old couple and this wasn't an uncomfortable situation at all… Well it was.

"Do you want something to drink?" Gerard asked me.

"Yeah, a cup of coffee would be nice!!" I said and he went away to the kitchen, I crawled up in the sofa and looked at the table in front of me. I found a sketchbook, I started to go trough it. Suddenly I found a picture of me sleeping… it was so beautiful… The first thought that went through my mind was this doesn't look like me!!!

"Give me that?" Gerard came down with two cups of coffee in his hands.

"Sorry… I said before giving it to him. I drank my coffee under silence, glaring at Gerard; I had a warm fussy feeling inside of me, just by looking at him… it was the same fucking feeling I felt when I was spending time with Frank…

Again I crawled up into Gerard's arms and I could feel him staring at me.

"What is it?" I mumbled into his shoulder.

"Alex, are you okay?" He sounded worried.

"I'm lonely…" I said before kissing him on his lips.


	40. Chapter 40

**Okay... like i said i have a plan... :D do you like it? ^^**

**Gerard.**

Earlier today when Alex called me and asked if I wanted to se a movieI actually had believed she wanted to se the film, bit she seemed to be more interested in well… other stuff. When we broke apart from the kiss I slowly opened my eyes.

"I like you too." She said when I moaned a little. I smiled at her; I really liked having her in my arms.

**Alex. **

"Gerard?" We heard a voice belonging to a woman asking for him.

"Yeah? Downstairs!!" He yelled upstairs and a second later we heard someone walking downstairs.

"Hi Gee… And Alex!" His mother said. "Me and your father is home now and we were wondering if you wanted some cookies and a soda?"

"MOM!!" Gerard was yelling and he blushed. "We got coffee… leave us alone!!"

"Okay kids… we'll leave you two alone. Have fun and bee safe!!" She laughed and went upstairs. I blushed and looked at Gerard, he just shake his head.

**Gerard. **

That stupid bitch!! Is she really for one hundred percent trying to destroy my fucking life?!?

"Come on… that was kind of cute!! Alex said and giggled.

"No…" She hugged me and I was happy again… Damn you woman!!

"You wanna go to my room?" I asked and she followed me up.

**Alex. **

I sat down at his bed, slightly uncomfortable. Take deep breath I told myself when Gerard sat down next to me. I looked into his beautiful hazel eyes and I felt alive. Really alive!!

He leaned forward and whispered into my ear.

"This might sound wrong… But Alex I soooo totally want you right now."

I kissed him. Over and over again.

**Gerard. **

I wanted to rip her clothes off but I stopped myself in the last second, I didn't want to go to far... Instead I slowly pushed her down on the bed as I kissed her deeper and deeper. She returned my kisses, and a thought went trough my mind; this is so wrong, but at the same time it felt so right. Frank, I thought, is going to be so fucking mad at us… if he founds out… And Bob…

"Oh…Gerard!!" She moaned under me. "I want you so badly!!" I stopped thinking about how wrong this really was and instead I thought to myself that this is so damn sexy as I kissed her. I slowly started to undress her, and she moaned once again.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Afraid I would do anything she wasn't ready for.

"If I didn't wanted to do this… you really think I would be lying here about to rip your clothes off??" I asked and kissed him.

"No… but I gotta ask…" She gentle bites my neck, and I never felt so alive before. "Yes!!" I groaned.

"Is this feeling good??" She asked with a smirk as she ripped of my t-shirt and threw it on the floor. I could do nothing but to nod.

"What is it darling? Why don't you say my name, I love the way you say it… I want you to tell me that you love me."

I hesitated for one second but then I moaned her name.

"Alex… I love you!! And that with all my heart!" Then I kissed her on her neck and slowly I kissed her on her cheek and then her mouth. But then I stopped, I felt bad. She was Frankies… He left her, my brain told me, he doesn't deserve her. You love her, she is all yours!!

"I love you too, and I want you right now!!" She said and pushed me down into the bed and started to touch my body, my hair, my face, my arms and then my privet parts. I was so good.

I undressed her, unzipped her pants and touched her all over her perfect body. She unzipped my pants and kept on touching me.

"You have any protection?" She asked.

"No." I groaned out loud. "I never spend time with girls…"

"Doesn't matter!!" She said as I slowly took of her bra. She was sitting over me, biting me, kissing me, touching me.

-------------------------------------- Later--------------------------------------------------------------------

I was panting, it had been the best sex of my life no one had been so good before. I held Alex in my arms, snuggling. I didn't want to wreck the moment with talking, it was perfect.

I had almost fallen asleep when I could feel Alex sobbing in my arms.

"Darling what is it?" I whispered into her hair.

"The first time I did it when I had any feelings for the guy should have been with Frank… I'm sorry but I love the both of you…" She said through her sobbing.

"You have done it before… with someone you hadn't any feelings for??" I didn't really hear that did I?? "With who?"

"My mother used to go out with some real asses… Three of them liked young girls…"

"They raped you??"

"Mmm…" That was all she said, I didn't believe this!!

**Alex. **

"No one knows…" I said.

"I want to fucking kill them!!!" He said to no one really.

"It should have been Frank… I'm sorry darling…" I took a deep breath. "But I love you too."

I stepped up from the bed and dressed in his t-shirt, my hair was a mess. "I should go home…" I said, but then Gerard jumped out of the bed and wrapped his arms around me.

"You aren't going anywhere tonight!! I know I'm just your second choice but I'm not letting you leave when you are a mess!! I'm pretty sure you could do something very stupid tonight… and I could do some stupid things too… so you better stay honey!!"

"Thank you, really!!" I said and I walked back to the bed. I sat down and I wrapped the blanket around myself.

That night we speeded talking… it was uncomfortable, dude we just had sex and now we talked about my mothers ex boyfriends who raped me… I don't know when or how but sometime during the night I fell asleep in his arms, with only dressed his tee on and a pair of panties.

So why did you do that to yourself was the first thing I asked myself in the morning when I woke up in this amazing guys arms. I had told him my darkest secrets and I had sex with him, if my life wasn't complicated before it would bee now I thought but I never could have imagined what would happen next. I left a note next to him telling I love him but I needed to leave. I dressed and walked out of the house, I felt like a whore.


	41. Chapter 41

**Hello again ^^ i'm dedicating this chapter to my best friend Matilda, my wife (DON'T ASK!!! just don't!!), my brain brother... well still don't ask!! I love you sweetheart!!! i'll allways be there for you, i promise!! **

**Well if you want a song that will make this sad chapter even more sad, listen to All By Myself with Celine Dion... so many memories... :'D **

**Hope you'll like this one!! with a lot of love WeAreAllABuchOfLiars ^^  
**

**Thursday. **

The last week I had been spending most of my time in school and in my room. I had done surprisingly a lot of homework's. When the guys asked me why I didn't spend any time with them anymore I made up excuses about that I would fail in my classes if I didn't do anything about my life. They bought my lies, and thank god for that. It hadn't been too awkward between me and Gerard but it could be explained with the fact that we hadn't spent much time just the two of us.

"Come on Alex, can't you spend some time with us?" Mikey asked.

"No…" I said.

"Come on we miss you dude!" He said and used his puppy eyes and no one can resist THE PUPPY EYES!!! NO ONE!!

"Fuck… okay then. I just gotta chance clothes and then I'll be there." I said.

I walked home and I felt a little bit sic, I thought it was just because of the lack of food during the day so I decided to eat a little. I cooked some pasta and drank a cup of coffee and then I walked over to the Ways home.

"Hiiii Gerard!!" I said and jumped into his arms when I got there.

"You are happy to se me??" He smirked at me and kissed me on my lips, we broke apart just before Bob came up from the basement. We climbed down together and I sat down in the sofa next to Mikey and I threw myself into the conversation. It was about girls.

"Dude, your new one seems to be a nice one… was it Caroline?" Bob asked and Mikey nodded to confirm.

"And who was your one last Friday?" Gerard asked with a laugh.

"Dude what's making you thinks I stayed so long that I could catch her name?" He asked with a smirk.

"Bob you are a disgusting man pig!!" I said and stared at him.

"What's your problem sister??" He asked.

"No, no nothing…" I mumbled, bitter.

"Come on, don't bee so grumpy!!" Gerard told me as he threw himself over me to tickle me.

"!!!!!" I yelled as I tried to get him to stop, eventually he respected my whish and I stuck out my tongue.

"Yeah you are veeeery cute!!" He told me with sarcasm in his voice.

"Gerard, aren't you very happy? What happened to you dude? You aren't even drunk…!" Bob asked. "Have you met someone special??"

"Dude that was a blow below the belt!!! I don't need alcohol to be happy… look I'm almost sober and I have lots of fun!!" As he said so someone hit the doorbell and we all looked around in the room, we didn't miss someone, well except from Frank.

"Mikey open!!" Gerard gave the order.

"No way!! You open dude!!" The brothers kept on arguing and the doorbell rang again. The both brothers was attending a play fight and called each other names and their mother names… so mature I thought to myself as I climbed upstairs and opened the door.

"Hi… Alex…" A perfect smile, a cute face, this was too much at the same time. Frank stood outside the door and looked at me.

"Frank… what are you doing here?" I didn't know what to do; I waited for him to answer.

"Well that's the response I was looking for when I met my kind of girlfriend when I come home. Since you are asking I can tell you I got out of rehab today… they realized I wasn't a drug addict after all…"

"Alex darling, who is it??" Gerard asked from downstairs.

"Alex? Why is he calling you darling? Bitch!!" Frank mumbled to me, I ignored him and walked down again.

"Behold… The long lost son is home again!!!" Frank said as he climbed down.

Everyone stared at him and I felt that they sort of wanted no more expected me to kiss him, or at least us to touch.

"Dude, when, why and what??" Bob is so intelligent sometimes NOT. Then they all jumped up and hugged each other, I stood in a corner and felt uncomfortable.

"They did some tests, they made me talk to some shrink and did some more tests, and then they realized I was telling the truth… so I got out of there, they didn't have any place or time for me. And thank god for that!!"

**Frank. **

I had gone over to my favorite brothers home and I had been happy, happy to see everyone and I had been excited to meet Alex again, but she had been so cold against me, it hurt my feelings but I guess I had only myself to blame on this one…

We sat down and talked for a while; Alex just sat in the corner and sulked, smoking and drinking coffee. After an hour or so Gerard walked up to her and grabbed her by the wrist, he leaned forward and whispered into her ear. I whish I knew what he said… they had been looking at each other for the whole evening and I was dying to know what they had been up to when I had been gone…

**Gerard. **

"Alex baby, talk to the man, he is slowly dying inside, and you said you loved him last Saturday…" I told her, it was so hard to do but I owed Frank that much.

"Come on Frank we need to talk, now! Mikey can we use your room?" She asked.

"If you behave it will be okay." He said with a smirk as the two of them left.

Time went by, I was worried it had almost been half an hour when I decided it was time to "make some more coffee" and I left the basement to cheek on the two of them. I was just about to knock on the door but then I realized it was none of my business, instead I walked into the kitchen and made the coffee and swallowed some painkillers. Who would care? Alex had her Frank now and I was all by myself again. Then I took the coffee and got downstairs.

"Are you okay??" Bob looked at me.

"Yeah, I just got a horrible headache, I think I will hit the bed now…" I lied and suddenly I was standing in my room. It was aching so badly, not the head, Alex and Frank… my heart was in pain but except for that I was numb. I picked out the razors, my friends. They will never let me down, never ever, I thought to myself as I did the first cut. Pain and calm came over me, taking over my mind. I drank and cut. I must have been looking very miserable where I sat. I swallowed one of my pills, I wanted to sleep. I dragged myself to the bed where I must have passed out after a while with blood rushing out of my veins.

**Alex. **

I hated this, hate to have to choose between those two amazing guys I said to myself as I walked into Gerard's room, I found him sleeping in his bed with bloody wounds on his wrists and bloody razors lying on the floor. I didn't know what to do, at first I was just staring at him then I walked up to the bed and checked if he was still breathing. He did and I cleaned up some of the mess and then I gave him a kiss on the top of his head before I left.


	42. Chapter 42

**Enjoy.**

**Alex. **

Frank wasn't in school the next day; he should start on Monday according to Mikey. Gerard was a mess and so were I, he grabbed my wrist when I was about to leave the cafeteria after lunch, it burned like fire in my newest cuts, those from yesterday. But he couldn't know and I didn't blame him.

"Alex. I need a word with you, now!" He said with a worried look on his face.

"What is…?" He cut me off.

"Outside!" He answered me and leaded me outside, it was chilly in the corridor but I didn't mind.

"You and me…" He started but then he shut up when some students walked by, it was some of the popular girls, one of them had a soda in her hand, she looked at it then at us and then back again. She threw it toward us and thank god that she couldn't threw at all. I jumped out of the way and just got some liquid my shoes and on the bottom of my jeans. Gerard on the other hand wasn't so lucky; he got some liquid on his shirt. We glared at them and didn't move a muscle until they left us all alone in the hallway.

"Okay, where were we?" Gerard asked me.

"You and me…? Then bitches from hell came…" I said with a laugh.

"Well, you and me having sex… shall we keep that as our dirty little secret?" I nodded and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before going off to math class.

"And then you multiply x with…" I put my headphones into my ears; I didn't care for what the stupid Mr. Carlzon said. Instead I was drawing when I suddenly could feel someone staring at me, I looked up and all I could see was that perverted freak stared at me. I took my headphones out of my ear and asked.

"Did you want something?"

"Nah… but since you don't listen I guess you already know what to do, and you could show the class how you solve this problem?" He said with an evil smirk, I hated him so much.

I didn't answer I just walked up to the whiteboard and took the pencil out of his hand. I suck at math so I just stood there and watched the problem; I hadn't got a clue what to do and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks painting them red. I let the pencil fall down out of my hand to the floor and was about to go back to my seat when Carlzon stopped me and whispered into my ear:

"You are cute when you are blushing… beautiful as a red rose… did you know that?"

"You pervert freak, leave me alone, watch some porn instead of being in my face all the time!!" I whispered back to him, then I walked back to my seat and took my bag and books and then I left the classroom with everyone staring at me, two seconds later Mikey came after me.

"That bitch!! He just wants to humiliate me." That was all I could say before bursting into tears Mikey hugged me and I was just standing there in his arms until the class was walking out from the classroom. Some girls were whispering about me being a player, a whore and stuff, I didn't mind but Mikey seemed to do.

"Come on, let's go outside." Mikey told me as he dragged me outside. "Want a cigarette?" I nodded and tried to wipe the tears away without mess up my makeup to much. We met Gerard and Bob outside and they hugged me without asking what happened and they gave me a cigarette and continued their discussion of what they should buy to Frank for his birthday tomorrow. I smoked my cigarette and starting to feel calm again.

"Mikey!!" We all turned around when a girl called out his name and we saw Caroline walking up to us, she looked nervously around her before she kissed Mikey on his lips and we all made an "aaawwww" sound. They broke apart and Mikey said.

"Well this is Caroline, Caroline this is Gerard, my brother, Bob, a friend of mine and his kid sister Alex, she is together with another of my friends, Frank you know… Ray isn't here is he?" He pointed at us when he presented us.

"Hi…" Caroline said and looked shyly at us, and then she turned around and talked to Mikey.

"So… Gift, Frank, what to do??!!" Bob looked at us, wanting us to decide. I didn't have a clue and that sucked. "Alex are you giving him something special?" Bob continued saying. I'm soooooo screwed right now I thought to myself.

"I haven't given that much of thought into that…" I tried to escape the awkward situation.

"You have to give your boyfriend a birthday gift Alex!! Don't she Gerard??" I could see Gerard trying to figure an answer out, he knew the truth…

"Yeah, you should give him something at least." He said and glared at me.

"Let's go to the mall after school and se what we can find…" Bob decided.

"WOHO MALL TRIP!!!!" Mikey turned around and yelled that to us then he continued being cute, I hope Caroline can stand his… well weirdness…

"Okay mall trip after school then, we'll met here at 4, okay?" Bob is being the big brother of everyone right now and it is super annoying.

**Gerard.**

It ripped my heart apart to see Alex crying like that; it must have been Mr. Carlzon who had hurt her, I wanted to kill him, but I never believe in violence, not even for such a fucker like Carlzon.

The afternoon passed by, my shirt was soggy from the soda, fucking bitches; me and Bob worked under silence during art class until 4 when we met Mikey, Caroline and Alex.

"Caroline is going home with us… is that okay?" Mikey was so in love and it hurts, I wanted to hold Alex in my arms, just like Mikey held Caroline into his.

When we arrived to the mall we decided to go to the record store, he is a musician so he always enjoys records. After almost an hour in the store, yes we found some pretty good stuff for ourselves.

"Dude, we found the perfect one, a The Bouncing Souls record he doesn't have!!" Bob jumped in front of me and waved the record in front of my face over and over again.

"Yeah, that sounds great…" I told him but I was way too distant to even hear his words.

"Dude wazzup? Why are you so distant?" He asked me as we walked to the counter to pay for the record.

"No nothing really…" I answered him.

"Come on Alex we two can buy a gift for Frank if you boys want to go to Starbucks and wait for us there!" Caroline said and dragged Alex outside the shop.

**Alex. **

Okay so I didn't expect that to happen, Caroline kept going on about how much she liked Mikey and school stuff and yeah I stopped listen.

"So how long have you and Frank been together?"

"I dunno… a month and a half I guess." I said and looked at a little teddy bear, it was cute, and not to much I thought. "Is this okay, you think?" She took the bear out of my hand and looked at it for a second.

"You are really not with Frank anymore are you? Or are you cheating on him with Gerard? I can read those eyes you know, I'm a woman…" The question hit my face as a slap.

"Well Frank dumped me when he went away, and me and Gerard had a… thing together. And now I have to choose between him and Frank…" I answered her. "Please don't tell anyone…!!" I was begging her not to say anything to anyone else.

"Sure… I have been there to…" She said and gave me a quick hug. "That one is okay." She smiled at me and gave the teddy back to me, I paid for it and we chattered about nothing and everything at the same time as we met the guys at Starbucks.

**Well this was a kind of filling-in chapter, there will be more action later... promise ^^ well let me know what you think and i will be a very happy girl - WeAreAllABunchOfLiars ^^**


	43. Chapter 43

"We need booze!!" Gerard said as we left the mall behind us, he looked at me.

"If you and Alex are off to Bert, me and Caroline are going home and introduce her to our parents… Is that okay?" Mikey said as he held his arm around Caroline's waist, they are so perfect together.

"And I need to go home and lie to daddy about some homework shit." Bob said and we all went separated ways.

**Gerard. **

We jumped on a bus and we sat under silence, I needed to ask her about Frank I didn't want to mess up during the evening, but I didn't find the right words to say. Finally I dared to ask her.

"So are you and Frank together again?" She didn't move a muscle for a second.

"No… maybe… I'm not sure…"

"But you talked to him for like an hour yesterday…" I spat out my question.

"Yeah… we talked about rehab, stuff in school and other things… I can't decide who I'm going to be together with right now…"

I didn't know what to answer; I could feel my heart slowly breaking inside of me so I just shut up.

"Gerard… just give me some time… I can't choose between the two of you…" She said after a while. Then we went back to silence. "I feel so fat…" She mumbled more to herself than to me.

"Stop being so harsh on yourself, you aren't fat… you look way skinnier than when we first met." I told her as I let my eyes run over her slim body.

"But I FEEL fat… you don't get it… I will probably have my period soon…" She said as she counted on her fingers and she looked out through the window.

"Are you eating enough? I don't want you to turn out anorectic. I care about you too much…"

"Mind your own business!!" She mumbled back to me and I could see the anger rise inside of her.

"Sorry… no need to become angry… I will mind my own business if you do it!!!" I told her.

"Just forget it…" She kept staring out of the window.

Two minutes passed by and then we got off the bus and we wandered of to Bert's apartment, I hit the doorbell and someone yelled to us to stay where we were.

**Alex. **

"Duuuuuuuuuuuude… My best customer… And the girlfriend too?? Come in duuuuudes!!" A guy in his early twenties opened the door, he stood in only his underpants, he was quite fit but he a cigarette hanging in the side of his mouth and he had big bags under his bloodshot eyes so he looked well pretty shabby. Gerard stepped into the apartment, it was filled with cigarette smoke and beer cans and I took some skeptical steps after him.

"Well this is Alex, Alex Bert…" Bert looked at me, then he itched himself in the groin, I did tell you he was shabby, didn't I?

"Soo… what can we do for you today?" Bert asked as he headed into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

"Well, vodka, cider, some beer and something to smoke would be nice… We have a birthday boy today!!" I waited in the hall ten minutes Gerard came back to me with a couple of bags and told me it was time to leave.

We jumped on the bus and sat in silence during the ride and I could feel Gerard checking in on me every fifth second, it was annoying as hell but I didn't have the heart to tell him to knock it off.

"Hello Alex, how is it sweetie?" I love Donna.

"Could bee worse…" I told her with a smile as I entered her home.

"Your brother, Frank, Ray, Sofi, Mikey and his wonderful girlfriend is downstairs. My husband and I are going to visit my mother this weekend so you will have the house all to yourselves…" She told me.

"Well take care… bye!!" I said with a smile as I walked down to face the mess downstairs.

**Frank.**

I was telling the guys, and Caroline about Trent and that chick I met at rehab when SHE walked down, I could feel my heart skip a beat when I saw HER. It was just like another crappy American movie. It was like the first time she stepped into the classroom, I had to fight not to stare at her.

"Hi guys!!" She said, she headed for the sofa and the place next to me, she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, I could feel myself blushing as everyone stared at us, had she told them about our breakup or not? We heard Donna and Donald yelling goodbye to their sons before the door slammed shut. Only two minutes later Gerard came downstairs with some bags in his hands.

"BOYS AND GIRLS OF EVERY AGE…. NOW IT IS TIME TO PAAARTAAAAAY!!" He yelled, and yes he had probably started with the drinking before, we all laughed at him. He put up the many bottles of liquid on the table in front of Alex and me; there was something for every taste.

**Half an hour later:**

"Well we have been gathering here today to celebrate that our little Frank is becoming a big boy!!" Gerard begun. "This is for you bro!!!"

"TO FRANK!!" They all said before they started to sing. Alex put a party hat on my head and she giggled and looked really happy.

I kept away from Gerard and Alex in the beginning of the party, it felt so… I dunno awkward… instead I sat with Ray in a corner and talked about some music stuff.

"Dude, the presents!!" Mikey yelled to his brother who climbed upstairs, he came back with a bag which handed over to me. I opened the present from the guys, a CD. And we all started to hug; in a VERY manly way… anyhow I was happy. Then Alex gave me a little package and my heart started to beat faster, I unwrapped the gift and saw a little teddy bear. It was cute and I looked at it, then back at Alex and then I couldn't resist the urge to kiss her anymore so I did. At first she didn't respond to my kiss, but then she let her fingers run through my hair and she kissed me back. We kissed deeper and deeper before we broke apart.

"FINALLY!!!" Someone yelled to us and we both giggled when we looked into each others eyes.

**Gerard. **

They kissed, they fucking kissed, and I actually had thought I had a shot at Alex, but I had been so wrong. I took a bottle of beer and glugged it all down at once, then another one. It hit my head so fucking hard but couldn't care less. I didn't want to remember this day after all…

I sat in a corner, Frank held his hand into hers, and I drank, to much. Way too much…

Mikey was making out with Caroline for like an hour but then suddenly they broke apart and Caroline walked up to Alex and took her in her hand, then they grabbed a cider in their free hand before they headed upstairs.

After a while I grabbed a bottle of vodka and went away into my room. I glugged to much down until I felt like I was throwing up. I stopped drinking and looked at the world spinning around my head. I didn't deserve to feel good; I should hurt myself my brain told me, I took some pills then I made up my mind.

Blood, so beautiful blood painting the floor red. Then screams, arms holding me, someone making me throw up. That's all I remember.

**Helloooo... well hope you liked this one... first of all i want everyone to update their stories since i'm sic and bored... second, i want everyone reading thos telling me why u like it so much.. it is still a mystery to me.. haha **

**xoxo WeAreAllABunchOfLiars  
**


	44. Chapter 44

**Weeeellll heeeeelloooooooo!!! hope life is great for everyone :D:D **

When I wake up later everything was a blur, I blinked over and over again until I could see clear. Alex was sitting next to me resting her head on her brother's shoulder, Mikey held Caroline in his arms, she was sleeping. Sofi had probably left the building because Ray was sitting all alone. Frank was in the back of the room, he was staring at me where I was in the bed. I felt uncomfortable as hell.

"Are you okay?" Frank whispered to me when he realized I was awake.

"What happened? I don't remember much… just blood, screams and well someone making me throw up and then black…" I whispered as an answer, I didn't want to wake up the girls; Bob slowly lay down his sister at the floor without waking her up when he realized I was awake.

"You drank a lot… we don't know why… are you feeling okay?" He told me. "It was pretty nasty…" he continued saying.

"Yeah…. I guess I am. I'm hardly hang over…" I said and got up from the bed, not telling them the other, last thing I remembered, that I had been about to kill myself just a couple of hours ago because of Frank and Alex…

"Is he awake??" A familiar voice whispered to no one.

"Yes." I simply answered her. She jumped up from the floor and threw herself around my neck, holding on tightly. When she let go I looked into her eyes and I saw the tears pouring down her cheeks.

"It is okay sweetie, I'm alive. There is no need to worry about me, I'm strong honey!!"

"You scared me… so bad…!!!" She sobbed, I could barley hear her words through the sobbing.

"Shhhh…" Was all I said to her, I stood there for a while with Alex in my arms, I could see Frank glare at me jealously. After a while I let her go, she as still crying but I couldn't stand here anymore with everyone staring at me, so I left the room.

"Hey!!! Where are you going??" Frank yelled after me, now Caroline was awake too, great.

"I need to use the bathroom, okay??" I told him with anger in my tone.

I headed out to the bathroom and looked the door, I had a plan and that was I should finish what I had started yesterday night. I picked out some razors from my pocket and I started to cut, I guess I should be used to this fucking pain now, but it is still like hell if you do it sober, if you are drunk it is easier… Deep, deep ones into my arm with blood rushing over my pale skin.

**Frank.**

I walked up to Alex, she stood still and she let me wrap my arms around her, I tried my best to comfort her but I didn't make any progress, Mikey was sitting on the floor trying not to show the people around him his tears. We were all silent until Bob moaned.

"Dudes… I can't stand this fucking silence; everyone is awake so why don't we put some music on…?" He looked around the room and we all nodded.

"Green day!!" Alex mumbled into my shoulder.

"What?" Bob said and looked confused.

"Can you put on something with Green Day?" She spoke up and we all waited for Bob to find the right record.

**I declare I don't care no more  
I'm burning up and out and growing bored  
In my smoked out boring room  
My hair is shagging in my eyes  
Dragging my feet to hit the street tonight  
To drive along these shit town lights**

**I'm not growing up  
I'm just burning out  
And I stepped in line  
to walk amongst the dead**

**Apathy has rained on me  
Now I'm feeling like a soggy dream  
So close to drowning but I don't mind  
I've lived inside this mental cave  
Throw my emotions in the grave  
Hell, who needs them anyway**

**I'm not growing up  
I'm just burning out  
And I stepped in line  
to walk amongst the dead**

We all sat in silence until the first familiar song on the record ended, we all waited for Gerard to come back, and we all held our breath in silence when the next song started to play.

"No!!" Alex whispered as she started to cry harder in my arms. "He is gonna kill himself, you have to stop him!!" Was all she said before she collapsed into my arms, I let Caroline help her before we all rushed to the bathroom.

"GERARD!!! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!!!!" Bob hit the hardest he could, trying to get him to open.

"NO!!" He yelled back to us. "Just let me fucking die!!" He said calmly and then he shut up.

"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!!" I yelled into the room, what the hell had happened when I was away?

"No, you win, take her and live happily ever after!!"

"Alex?! She is a wreck, and you know she wouldn't survive if you would end this here and now!! Are you really that selfish??" I tried to convince him to open the door or at least stop the slicing.

"Fuck off… just let me die!!" He said to me and I could feel my world be torn apart. I walked away and I grabbed Alex by her wrist, she didn't respond so I lifted her up, she was really light so it wasn't a problem for me. I lifted her to the door and I whispered into her ear: "Talk to him, I think you can save him!!"

Mikey was sitting on the floor crying and Alex looked around herself at the disaster.

"Gerard, put the razor down, do it now." She said still sobbing, and then she dried the tears out of her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I know life sucks but there is no use in ending it… there are some things in life that are too good to just been thrown away, like your family, your friends who are more of brothers than friends to you. Your talent in art and singing and it would be such a waste and you know it…" She could barley hold her voice strong enough so he would hear her but she continued anyway.

"So put that razor, or whatever you have in there that you could hurt yourself with down, don't swallow anymore pills because if you are trying to end it here and now this world should bee so much more ugly and dark than it already is, because it will lose one of the sweetest guys ever alive." Now she was crying again, but she continued anyway. "No one is perfect, not me, I'm totally messed up, slicing and drinking and disobeys, Frank just got out of rehab. Bob is skipping school and smokes and drinks, Mikey knows everything about you and he is screaming in silence, this will be the death of him... And you…. You are slicing and, and drinking and we still love you. If we don't mean anything to you please continue, but if we do please put the razor and the pills down and get the hell out of there!!" She cried into Bobs shoulder and we all waited in silence, holding our breaths until the door slowly opened.

"Gerard!!" Mikey yelled and he hugged his brother. Gerard on the other hand just stood there, he was paler than usual and he looked like he had lost a lot of blood, it was still pouring out of his veins. Mikey let go and Gerard sat down at the floor, he looked dizzy and well not okay.

"Drink this!!" Caroline handed him a glass of water which he drank from thirstily.

"I need help with my wounds." He whispered, I didn't know what to do and we all looked at each others, after a second Alex let go of her brother, she whipped the tears away and ten she started to bandage his arms. I felt so little, not knowing what to do, you recognize the feeling?

**i just realized that this story is going to be a very loooong one, hope you like that ^^ **

**xoxo WeAreAllABunchOfLiars ^^  
**


	45. Chapter 45

**Well, here you go.. i've been spending the week at my parents place and thats why there haven't been chapters... xD well i'm blaming the cat *singing blame the cat song...* **

**Bob.**

When the chaos had gone back to normal Alex and I left and so did everyone else, Mikey looked tired and he kept his eyes on Gerard. I told Gerard not to do anything stupid while we were gone.

"So what is it between you and Gerard? Seriously?!?" I asked my sister when we walked home.

"He is just a very important person in my life…" She answered me, she looked uncomfortable.

"Yeah I get that… but is he like… in to you?" I slowed down and tried to look into her eyes but she didn't look at me and continued walking faster.

"I don't know, ask the man!!" She said. "And stop being so damn curious!!"

Okay one of my best friends nearly committed suicide once again, my sister is angry with me and I'm not sure of what's gonna happen when we get home, with clothes covered in blood and bags under our eyes… some days you just gotta love life…

"Hi… did you have fun last night?" Alice smiled at us when we came in through the door.

"Yeah... it was okay…" I said and Alex nodded.

We ate lunch together, all the family and it wasn't too painful.

"So what are you guys up to the rest of the weekend?" Dad asked with a smile.

"I'm going to hit the books… and maybe go out with some chick…" I said.

"And I'm gonna be home, reading some and be lying on the couch zapping through the channels… what are you up to?" Alex asked.

"Well I'm going to be home." Alice said with a smile.

"And I'm going to your grandparents place. Anyone wants to come?" Dad said and both I and Alex shock our heads, not that I don't love my grandparents… I just don't want to spend so much time with dad…

"Okay then I go later, I will say hi from you…" He said, not angry, just sad and disappointed.

After dinner I was heading for my room to get some sleep but Alex grabbed my writs.

"SOOOOOOOOO WHO IS THE GIRL??" She said and smiled.

"Just someone from school…. who send me a text yesterday asking me out!!" I said and I could feel myself blush.

"OOHH who? Who?? WHHOOOO I ASK YOU MAN!!!" She yelled and started to tickle me. I let her do that for a second, the she realized I wouldn't give in, so she let me walk away from her and I got into my room. After five minutes I could hear Alex open my door and she giggled. A NOT A VERY GOOD SIGN…

I looked up and I found myself staring right into a camera. I tried to hit it our of my sisters hand without success and she started to take pictures.

"YOU KNOW I HATE THIS SOOOO MUCH!!!" I yelled and tried to hide from the camera, I can say without any success.

"Tell me who she is?" She said with an evil, but still so cute smile.

"Nooooooooo!!" I said with a laugh, trying to hide under the blanket. She sat on me until I screamed it was enough.

"Are you giving up??" She asked me with a smirk.

"Uh-huh!!" I told her.

"Sooooooo whooooo issssss sheeeeeeee??" Is she drunk?? Well anyhow she kept taking pictures with her camera and it was annoying as hell!!

"Okay, it is a chick I know from when I was little… I kinda like her… A LOT!! Her name is Kaitlin… she is in my school…" I blushed but I hadn't even said everything before Alex jumped up from the floor and picked out my yearbook and starting to go through it.

"Is that her??" She looked at the pictures until she found her. I looked into the book and nodded.

"It is her." I said to confirm.

"Wow, she is really cute!!" She said then she jumped up, gave me a kiss on my cheek and then she left. She has serious mood swings that girl… thank god I'm not her boyfriend!!

I sat on the floor a minute then I tried to concentrate on the homework's, but I ended up on the bed, tired like hell, I was just closing my eyes for a second then I slowly fell asleep.

**Alex. **

I jumped down the stairs; I still hadn't got rid of the feeling of being fat… I tried to ignore it but I wanted to stick my finger down my throat, trying to throw up. Instead I threw myself into the sofa.

"Hello girl!!" Alice said with a smile. "How are you?"

"Pretty damn awesome… except for trouble with the boys… and that I feel fat…"

"What do you want to talk about, the boy thingy or the fat thingy??" I giggled, I love her!!

"Well… fat thingy, it's just my period being little bit late, I guess. Boy thingy is…. Well so much more complicated…" I said and took the remote control from the table.

"Something you wanna see?" Alice asked, I looked at the TV and we ended up watching Oprah. After an hour of laugh we both stared at the screen without anything to watch.

"I wanna dye my hair… RED!!" I said really just to myself, but Alice looked at me.

"Yeah? I got a friend who is a hairdresser, I think she could do it today if you like." She said.

"ALICE I LOVE YOU!!!!!" I yelled and jumped up and down in the sofa.

"I'll call her, then we can go to the mall to fix your hair and do some shopping… is that good??"

"Nope it is amazing!!" I said and hugged her before she went to the phone.

**I KNOOOOOOOOW NOTHING FUN HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER BUT I CANT JUMP TO MUCH.. THERE WILL HAPPEN STUFF... LATER...!!! PROMISE!!! **


	46. Chapter 46

**Well i was going to update yesterday.. but this side doesnt like me.. at all... so theupdate comes today instead^^ hope you enojoy it people :)**

Ten minutes later we both jumped into the car and Alice drove us to the mall. We went to the hairdresser where we met Alice's friend.

"Hii!! How are you doing??" A cute alternative woman asked us.

"Fine…" I said.

"Alex this is Sara, my friend. Sara this is Eric's daughter, Alex." Alice said and smiled.

"Ohh nice to met you Alex." She looked at me. "So what are we gonna do today?"

"Well first of all I want my hair red…" I started but Sara cut me off.

"Can I please cut it too; I know a hairstyle you will be even prettier in!! Short, emo-style and a little bit shaved on the side, and off course red as you whished!!"

I looked at Alice and she nodded.

"Let her do it honey, it will be great!!"

"Okay!!" I said with a laugh, then I sat down it the chair and Sara started to fix the hair.

A lot of gossip, a new hairstyle and another color on my hair and three hours later Alice and I went on to the shopping. She paid for a lot of clothes and other things. I felt very spoiled; she bought me everything I wanted. A couple of hours later we left the mall with a lot of bags.

When we got home we found Bob standing in front of the mirror, getting ready for his date.

"You look very handsome Bob!" I said and gave him a hug. Then I went to get the camera, he actually cooperated so much that I could take some pictures at him. He left an hour after we came home. Alice and I were lying in the sofa looking at Ghostbusters, such an amazing film. We laughed through to whole movie.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about the boy thingy??" Alice asked.

"It is complicated but if you really wanna know here it is." I started to tell her about the problems that I had. "Frank and I were together, but he broke up with me when he was off to rehab, and I started to like Gerard, more of a love than friendship thing. And we did some flirting, and we were almost a couple. But then Frank came back, and I had, no I have still feelings for him. And no other than me, Gerard and Frank know about the dumping thing." Here I stopped for a deep breath. "And at the party yesterday Gerard almost killed himself over the fact that I kissed Frank. And I don't know who to choose." I stared in front of me, waiting for Alice to do something.

"Wohoo…. Well that was complicated… I can not tell you who to chose, sorry sweetie. But you have to choose the one that feels right. I mean Frank dumped you will he do it again? And Gerard, he isn't very stabile, are you sure you can handle that with your own…"

"The cutting?? If I chose him, I gotta find a way…" I said simple. I felt the tiredness come over me like a wave. "Alice, sorry but I have to hit the bed, I'm seriously tired. But it has been a great day!! Thanks!!" I told her and threw myself around her neck, holding on tightly in the hug.

"Sleep tight sweetie!!" She smiled as I went upstairs.

**SUNDAY. **

Noting fun happened, nothing fun ever happens on Sundays. I spend the day in front of the TV, after a couple of hours Bob came down and told me he was in love with Kaitlin, the date had been a success.

I ate way to much chocolate and I felt sick because of that. I went to bed at nine and that's how that day passed by.

**MONDAY.**

In the first class I was feeling sick, I had for once had eaten breakfast, only god knows why and it came back to punish me, I had to tell the art teacher I had a headache and that I needed to go to the school nurse. Frank and Mikey stared at me as I was an idiot as I rushed out of the classroom to the bathroom. I sat down and suddenly I could feel my stomach turn upside down and I threw up. What was happening to me??

I needed a drink of water, but when I was about to stand up I threw up again. I fell down to the floor; it felt like someone had hit me in my stomach. After a couple of minutes I got a text from Frank asking if I was okay.

I wrote a simple yes and a smiley. I sat there for a second then I got up from the floor; I flushed and left the room. Then I cleaned myself up, had a drink of water and then I went back to the classroom. .

"That took a very long time just to get a pill?" Frank whispered to me when I walked into class again.

"Yeah, why not skip a little if you can?" I smiled at my friends, and then I continued with my drawing.

"Okay class, that was all for today… I'll see you next week boys and girls." The art teacher left the classroom with all his papers in his arms, he didn't come more than ten meters then he tripped over his own feet and fell down at the floor, with the papers all over the place.

"Yay…. Chemistry next… life is great…" Mikey mumbled as we left.

We got out for a smoke, I was still feeling nauseas but I ignored the fact. Gerard, Bob and Kaitlin was out when we got there, I hadn't seen Gerard since the party and my heart started to beat faster, and I blushed. OH MY GOD!! What is happening to me??

"Come here honey, I need a hug!!" Gerard told me and I did as I was told, it was nice to have someone wrapping their arms around you, giving love to you. "I love your hair, you are so pretty!!" he said when we let go of each other.

"Crap, dudes we have to leave now!! We don't want to be late do we??" Mikey laughed as he started to leave, both Frank and I took another smoke from out cigarettes, and then we threw them on the ground to follow our friend.

"And I have heard she is doing her boyfriend, his best friend and her brother… Shhhh here she comes…." Some of the bitches whispered in class when we stepped in. They looked at me in disgust and laughed, I walked by them one second later I could hear another girl saying:

"But I have heard that she's doing Mr. Carlzon…. But I don't get what he sees in her, a filthy little emokid who is spending her days cutting up her wrists!!" I slowly turned around to hit the girl in her face, but luckily for her the teacher came in to the classroom at that very second and started the lesson.

After half the lesson a note landed on my desk, I slowly unwrapped it.

_WHORE!! _It said and I looked up, the bitches in the front laughed and pointed at me.

"I'm gonna be right back… I'm just gonna kill some bitches!!!" I mumbled as I got up from the chair.

"No you are not gonna get yourself into any trouble!!" Frank said pushing me down to the chair again.

"But look at this..." I said and gave him the note.

"No sit down!!" He said and pushed me down again.

The rest of the lesson I sat not listening and I was drawing, my paper was filled with these small drawings when we were allowed to leave.

At lunch I was still mad and I was distracted by what had happened this morning, at first the guys tried to talk to me but I didn't listen so they ended up ignored me and they talked to each other instead.

The afternoon passed by and after school the guys tried to get me to hang out with them after school, but I wasn't interested, for once I felt like hanging out with a girl, so I took Caroline by the wrist when she had said goodbye to Mikey.

"Caroline… would you ehm… like to spend some time with me tonight??" I said and I think that I actually blushed a little.

"Sure… can we take your place? My kid sister is playing crappy music all over the house…"

"Yeah, come here!!"

In the evening when it was time to hit the bed I was happy, I had found a very good friend and it had been a great evening. I only whish that Gerard, FUCK, now my good mood was spoiled, because I had to think about the two boys… and that gave me angst. And with the angst the abstinence came. My hands were shaking as I got out of the bed; I took out a razor and did some cuts. Calm came over me and I closed my eyes and I slowly fell asleep.

**Anyone curious on what is going to happen?? ^^**


	47. Chapter 47

**Well this chapter is for you Bob Bryar, you will be missed as the amazing drummer in My Chemical Roamnce, you have done an amazing job and I love you for that!! **

Mr. Carlzon kept being in my face during the math lesson at the Tuesday. I almost started to cry in the middle of it when he kept picking on me, just because I didn't get the stuff.

"Are you okay?" Frank whispered to me as I whipped the tears away.

"No… I'm fucking not okay!!" I told him.

"Sorry… I'm just concerned about you… I still care even if we aren't together right now… Or are we??" He looked at me and I felt guiltily as hell.

"I don't know… I didn't dump you did I??" The anger rose inside of me, I had no idea what was happening to me… I still was bit nauseas but not like yesterday.

"Okay, we are not having this discussion right now… but I'm sorry I dumped you, I'm sorry that everyone is calling you a whore, I'm sorry that Mr. Carlzon is a bitch and I'm sorry that you can't make up your mind… But you don't have to be such a bitch just because I care about you…" He mumbled to me, the words hit me like a punch in the stomach.

"Just forget it!!" I said and tried to understand the math, I didn't succeed and instead of trying I picked up my phone and send a text to Gerard, telling him that I missed him. I regretted it the second I send it but what is done is done…

Thirty minutes later the lesson ended and we all headed for the cafeteria. I looked at my food, not in a mood for eating, but Gerard persuaded me to eat a little. Then I disappeared into my own little black world, with sharp edges that I would hurt myself on.

**Gerard. **

I looked at Alex, she didn't look happy, and she looked like she was far away. Probably because she was far away.

"Dudes… I totally got the best idea ever!!!!!" Frank suddenly yelled over the cafeteria. We all turned around and looked at him, well everyone except from Alex.

"Yeah?? WHAT??" Bob yelled back to Frank. And no I haven't have a clue why on earth they were yelling…

"We totally should start a band!!" He said and smiled like a moron.

"We should??" I asked.

"Yeah it would be great… you know me and Ray on the guitars… and Bob didn't you used to play the drums?? And Mikey you were awesome on the bass in the music class last year and well Gerard Alex said you could sing…" He was really convinced that we should do this; I could see that in his eyes. "So guys, what you say??" he asked and looked around himself.

"That sounds awesome!!!" Bob said and smiled.

"Yeah…. I think it would be awesome!!" Mikey smiled and giggled. And everyone else nodded, but then I felt four pairs of eyes at me.

"I guess we could try it… but I'm not doing this if we aren't having a band name….!! And we fucking need some songs!!" I said, trying not to disappoint someone.

"Alex what do you think?" Mikey asked and smiled at her.

"What?? What do I think about what??" She said and looked at each and everyone; she looked confused and well unhappy.

"Dude we are staring a band… what do you think?? We need a name…!!" Mikey filled her in on the latest news.

"That sounds awesome…." She said without enthusiasm and looked into the table.

I picked up my cell phone and texted her:

"_Are you okay??"_

She picked up her phone, wrote some before she put it down, two seconds later I received a text from her:

"_Does I look okay?? No, I'm not… _

I didn't answer her but I did shake my head feeling uncomfortable.

They guys kept going on about crazy band names but I didn't care enough to even tell them how stupid they were.

"My Chemical Romance." My brother said.

"What??" I looked up from the table.

"You know this novel…" He said and shoved us a book; Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance. "Why don't we just take away the Ecstasy, and the three tales and then we put a My in front and we get "_My Chemical Romance"_…. I think it sounds awesome!!"

"Yeah… I think we should use that as a band name!!" I said and I felt a little bit happier.

"Fuck… Alex and Mikey we really have to go to class now!!" Frank said and looked tired, Mikey got up from his chair and the two of them looked at Alex who didn't move a muscle.

"I'm not going." She said, refusing to get up from the chair.

"Why not? Dads gonna kill you if he finds out!!" Bob said and stared at his kid sister.

"Because I don't want to, and who says he is gonna find out?? It's not like I'm gonna tell him…" She said and for one second I thought she would jump on her brother and kill him, but instead she picked up her bag, jacket and notebook and she left.

**Alex. **

I could feel someone following me; I didn't know who and I really didn't want to, Bob would yell at me, Gerard would be disappointed and I guess Frank and Mikey would just be sad...

I knew what I needed to do, I might have figured out what was wrong with me and it was scarring the living shit out of me.

"ALEX WHAT THE HECK!! WOULD YOU PLEASE TURN AROUND AND TALK TO ME!!!" Gerard yelled all over the hallway. I stopped walking and then I turned around and looked into his eyes.

"WHAT??" Great now I was yelling to.

"What is it??" He took a deep breath. "There is something that is wrong… I can see it in your eyes!!! You aren't about to do something stupid??" He looked at me with worried eyes.

"No… I just need to go to the drugstore and get… something." I told him and started to walk away from him. He walked after me and wrapped his fingers around my wrist. "Let go… I need to do this alone!!" After a second he did as he was told then I left him standing there.

Twenty minutes later I went into the drugstore at the mall. I walked down the shelves nervous. After a couple of minutes I found the right shelf and I picked up a little box. With shaking hands I paid and I got out of the store. I hoped that no one should be home and I walked back to my home.

When I entered my room I put the little box on top of the bed, scared of doing the test. I put on a record; I didn't hear the words, or the music. I just sat at the floor whishing I was a kid again. I took a look at my watch, Bob and Alice would soon be home. I picked up the box, I opened it and then I read trough the instructions.

There you go I thought to myself when I had done the test, I put it upside down and waited for the five minutes to pas by.

"Okay Alex, you need to check!!" I told myself. "Or else you never know!!"

"I don't want to know…."

"So why did you bought the test??"

"Because I'm a fucking idiot!!"

"Alex… Are you home??" I could hear Alice's voice up to my room.

"Yeah… I wasn't feeling okay…" I yelled down.

Yaay, now I'm talking to myself too!! With shaking hands I turned around the test, I had to know the result before Alice would come in and take my fever.

Positive.

I looked at it again, it was still positive.

Fuck was the thought that went trough my mind.

I threw the box into the trashcan and I hid the test in a box into my wardrobe together with my razors. Well not all, I picked up two of them then I rushed out of my room, I almost knocked down Alice who was going to check on me.

"Where are you going??" She asked and looked concerned.

"Out." I mumbled and left her standing there.

"ALEX!!!!"

I didn't listen I just left, on my way out I found Bob, I walked straight past him and I didn't look back. I was cold and I stuck my hands into my pockets, I found a package of cigarettes, I lit one up. Then I just stared at it, I threw it away. I walked to a park; I sat down at a bench and watched the children play, I remembered this park from when I still was a kid, Bob and I used to go here and play.

After a while I picked up my phone and dialed a number I hadn't dialed for a long time.

"Hello??" A familiar voice answered.

"Hi mum… it is Alex…" I said trying to hold the tears back.

"Hey… what do you want??" Always accusing, a charming woman, but I needed someone to talk to…

"Mum… I'm pregnant…" I said and I could feel the tears running over my face. I could hear her gasping and then a click. I stared at the phone; she had hung up in my ear.

**Well some of you already figured this out... but who is suprised?? ^^**


	48. Chapter 48

**Yaaaay finaly an update... well first of all i'm sorry for the lack on updates, my teachers is beeing bitches and gives us so much to do that i have no time over for this and that sucks!! well hope you can survive!! second of all people update your stroies because (i know that no one really really cares but i'm gonna say it anyways...) today is my 18 birthday!! :D:D so now i can do a lot of awsome things ^^ and yeah hope you like this chapter ^^**

This is a disaster; I had no idea what to do. I wanted a cigarette but that's no solution, not right now at least, I crawled up on the bench, holding my arms around my legs, like a protection. My hands were cold, they were starting to feel numb, the jackets sleeve was a little bit too short and it reviled my scared arms. I took a look at the scars and I remembered the calm the razors could give me, if I just had the guts to do it. I wanted but I couldn't do it around here with all the children and I didn't want to leave the safety I got from the bench. Yeah I know I'm kinda fucked up, no need to tell me that.

**Bob. **

I came home and I almost got knocked down by Alex, she was running like she had seen a scary monster under her bed or something. I had no idea what had happened, Alice climbed downstairs when I walked into the door.

"What's up with your sister??" she asked me.

"I don't know… she said she was sick in school, and she… no I don't know…" I said and walked into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee, I found a cookie on the kitchen table and I decided to eat it. After I had eaten the cookie I decided I would go up to Alex room and see why she might have left, it looked like usual, not tidy but really not messed up either, I sat down at her bed, trying to figurer out what to do, or where to look after her. The trash can… I thought when I saw it.

I got up from the bed and walked up to it, I stuck my hand down in it and I found a little box, I picked it up and started to read on it.

"_Pregnancy test- the easy way to find out if you are blessed!!" _

That's what I read at the box and I could feel the panic rise, a pregnancy test?? This couldn't be good… where the heck is the test, she would never take it with her… I hoped.

I went to her wardrobe and started to go through her boxes, shoes, books, razors, notebooks. WAIT!!! Razors that could be it… I opened the box once again and I started to go through the stuff. There it was, it was lying upside down and I slowly let it face me. Positive. FUCK!! I'm so gonna kill Frank for this… when I find Alex.

I climbed downstairs and found the telephone and dialed her number, no one answering, I didn't let it go to the voicemail.

"Alice… can I use your phone a second??" I yelled into the kitchen.

"Sure… but she won't answer you… I already tried!" she said and gave me the cell.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEEEEEP. "Hello fuckers, you have reached Alex cell phone, I probably don't want to talk to you and that's why you are hearing this. Leave a message or fuck off and die. Bye!!" .

"Voicemail." I said and looked at Alice.

"I know… she'll call you when she wants to, there is no need to be worried." She said and hugged me. I hugged her back then I picked up my own phone and send out a text to the guys, asking if anyone had seen her. I received four no, and I got way more worried, I had hoped she would be with Frank. Or Gerard.

"FUCK!!" I said out loud, and Alice stared at me, her eyes were filled with worry.

"Bob, do you know something that I don't know?? Because if you do, I want you to tell me right now…" She said and she kept on staring at me.

"I… I… aw fuck this, I'm not gonna tell you, I need to talk to her first!!!" I said and picked up my phone, trying to reach her one last try. Voicemail again, and I resisted the urge to throw the fucking phone into the wall. Instead I picked up a jacket, a pretty warm one, some gloves and a hat for Alex, if I find her. It wasn't warm outside, and I knew she would be cold, some seconds later I walked out of the front door with my phone in my hand.

I walked around the block, trying to figure out where the heck she could bee, I hadn't got a clue but suddenly my phone was vibrating. Alex, the display told me and I took a deep breath before I answered it.

"Hi…." She said.

"Alex where he heck are you??" I tried not to yell into the phone… I wasn't succeeding to well…. If I put it that way.

"In the park… would you come…? I got…" I cut her off.

"I'll come. Stay right where you are…!!" I said and hung up. I knew exactly where she was, we had spending our childhood there and I knew all the shortcuts. All the suddenly the phone rang again.

"Hello, Alice I'll call you back. I know where she is…" I said and hung up. Then I ran to the park, and there she was, sitting on a bench with her arms around her legs. I could see that she was crying.

"Hi sister." I said and sat down next to her; I picked off my jacked and wrapped it around her shoulders then I gave her the gloves.

"Hi Bob." She said without looking up at me. "I'm screwed…"

"I know…" I said and her head popped up and she stared at me.

"You know??" she said and gasped, I nodded to confirm and she started to cry even harder.

"I found the test… Come on honey, we will get you through this… have you told Frank yet??" and for some reason she started to cry a little more… I never thought that was possible. "Come on, I take that as a no…?" I started.

"I have nothing to say to him…." She whispered through the tears.

"What, you have to tell the father, it is not okay to keep him out of this!!!" I started but she kept on saying that she had nothing to say to him. "Alex… what the heck do you mean???"

"I MEAN THAT HE ISN'T THE FUCKING FATHER!!!!" she yelled at me.

"WHAT?? Then who is??" I tried not to yell back at her this time.

She whispered a name and I felt how I become cold, I couldn't have heard that could I??

"What?? Can you repeat what you just said??" I asked her.

"Gerard Fucking Way is the fucking father!!" She spat out the name.

"Okay, we will keep this as a dirty little secret for a while, okay??" I asked and hugged her tightly.

**SOOO what do you think?? ^^ please let me know :)**


	49. Chapter 49

**Yaaay i finaly made it. another chapter!! :D Well if you want something to listen to... i'm thinking Green Day and viva la gloria, little girl ^^**

**soo i hope you like this one ^^ please please let me know ^^  
**

"We have to get you home." I said after a while, like the over protective brother I am. "We don't want you two to get cold, do we?"

"Well, fuck, I'm two now…" She said before continuing. "Can you take my cigarettes and my booze…? I don't want to hurt…. The baby…" she asked me and handed over the box of cigarettes to me. I lit one up immediately but then she hit me.

"You moron, I want to stop and you fucking lit one up in front of me??!!" she screamed to me, but after a second she started to laugh at my shocked looks.

"I don't know if I like you when you are pregnant… but hey there is just nine fucking months left…" I took a deep sigh before asking what I wanted to ask for some time. "When did this happen and yeah mostly why??"

**Alex.**

So what was I supposed to tell him, the truth? A lie that will be reviled in a while? Or nothing?

"Well you se Bob, when a boy and a girl have sex a baby could be made, and when the boy and the girl are idiots and don't use protection the girl might end up pregnant and in big trouble…" I started to say playfully.

"Yeah I get that… but why did you cheat on Frank?? I mean you were a perfect couple, well the little we saw of you…" he asked and I got serious again.

"Dude, I never ever have cheated on him, he broke up with me when he went away to the fucking rehab, that's what the letter said and that's why I reacted so strongly that night when he left… and when he was gone… I kinda started to feel something for Gerard and he obviously felt something for me and yeah, now the girl is in big trouble like I said…"

"Wow… I never knew sorry sis." He said while his phone was ringing. He answered.

"Yeah sorry for that, no I'm taking her home now…. No she is okay I guess… No you can talk to her when she comes home... No I said. Bye!!" then he hung up. "Alice. You are in trouble!!" he said.

"Yeah I know. And she doesn't know anything yet…" I sighed, rubbed my stomach and we kept on walking side by side.

"You will keep it right?" my brother asked and I couldn't do anything but to nod.

"Well it kinda depends on what Gerard does, if he totally rejects it I probably will kill myself or run off, have the baby and then never come back." I said and shrugged my shoulders.

"Stop bee so pessimistic, if Gerard really loves you he'll love the baby too and well if he is a jerk I will kill him like it or not. And then we can run away…" he said and laughed.

"You aren't normal…. You know that??" I said and wrapped my arms around him. "But I still love you. And seriously I don't want to talk about the thing more now… So wazzup with that chick you are into??" I said with a smile, and Bob smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah it is pretty damn awesome, stop being so nosey girlfriend."

"Stop going through people's private stuff…. You didn't throw away the razors did you??" I asked and continued with. "Because I'm pretty damn sure I'm gonna need them soon…" he shaked his head and I was relived when we walked up the driveway and I walked first into the house.

"ALEXANDRA JESSICA BRYAR WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN??!!" Fuck daddy is home and yelling to. Some days are just great, yeah I really wanted to lie down and die now!!

"I've been to the park and I would like to hit the shower now because I have frozen my ass off and then I would like something to eat because I'm fucking hungry." I said calmly but that didn't help a lot.

"GET YOU LAZY ASS IN HERE AND EXPLAIN!! AND BOB YOU GET IN HERE TOO!!!" Alice kept on screaming.

"No need to yell." I mumbled and I walked into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee.

"So… where have you been?" All the sudden she wasn't yelling anymore, she was calm and nice, she could be the one pregnant…

"I told you I went to the park to think a little, then I called Bob and then we talked and then we walked home." I shut up. "Anything more you need to fucking know??" I asked trying to keep my voice as calm as possible.

It was quiet.

"I take that as a no, now I need to have some thing to eat. I'm starving…" I said and headed for the fridge, but my father blocked the way. He held something in his hand. I could feel my legs getting week underneath me. All the sudden everything went black and I could hear Bob yelling.

Something or someone slapped my face and I could hear the words "wake up."  
" I don't want to freaking wake up." I mumbled refusing to open my eyes.

"Come on sis!!" I could hear Bob and I did as I was told.

"I need something to eat…" I mumbled but my father cut me off.

"You aren't getting any food before you tell us what the hell is going on."

"FUCK OFF!!" I shouted at my father continued with. "You doesn't fucking get it, I can't tell you…" but Bob walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Eventually they need to know… this isn't like the scars you can't hide this for ever…" he said and for some reason I opened my mouth and yelled.

"Okay I'm fucking pregnant, can you two stop being in my face now?? And let me have some fucking food??" No one moved or said something and I run outside into the cold night wearing just a pair of jeans and a tank top.

A very mature reaction I know, and listen here an even more mature action; I sat down in front of the front door and picked up the razorblades from my pockets. There were no children around that would be harmed and I did what my heart told me to do.

So much blood was the last thing I thought before becoming unconsciousness for the second time that evening.

**like i said let me know what you think!! ^^**


	50. Chapter 50

**"When ever i'm sad, i stop beeing sad and become awsome instead**"

**Yes i love how i met your mother... and i was sad, but instead i made this chapter :'D hope you like this ^^ **

**Bob.**

"You knew about this??" dad shouted at me.

"I got to know today, just like her and just like you!!" I said to the both of them. "Can you please support her through this? Or else this will be the death of her…" I said knowing it was true, thinking about how Gerard and Frank you react. My father just stared at me and Alice was silent crying.

"And if you don't mind it I will go and find her before she does anything stupid…" I mumbled as I walked outside.

"Alex, for crying out loud." I whispered through tears that fell over my cheeks when I found my innocent baby sister lying on the cold steps bleeding from deep cuts on her wrists. I sat down next to her for a second. "You stupid, fucking moron." I whispered out in the night when I kissed her on the top of her head before I lifted her up.

After I had put her down and fixed her wounds I sat next to her making sure she would survive the night.

**In the morning.**

"Why does my arm burn like hell?" I heard a weak voice coming from the bed and I realized that I had some time during the night fallen asleep on the floor.

"Because you are an idiot… but I still love you!" I said when I crawled up into her bed to warm myself, the floor wasn't warm.

"Well me being an idiot is nothing unusual, right? HEY don't you dare to steal my blanket!!" she yelled when I tried to warm myself under her blanket, it resulted in me getting kicked out of the bed and falling down at the floor.

"And this leads me to the next question… what the heck are you doing here??"

"Is this the thank you I get for being an amazing loving brother??" I said with a smirk.

"No no you are right." She said smirking back at me then she threw a pillow in my head before getting up. "I'm gonna get coffee… want some??" I nodded and went into the shower. I let the steaming hot water touch my body before getting dressed and I climbed downstairs. I met my father downstairs and it was cold oh so cold. He didn't look or talked to me.

"EY Alex get yourself into some clothes so we can go to school." I shouted up to my sister, she came down some minutes later; she had long sleeves just for safety and black skinny jeans. She looked good I thought with a smile.

We walked under silence until we both opened out mouth to say something at the same time.

"You don't…" she said.

"When are…" I started.

We both shut up and looked at the other then we burst into laugh, we walked side by side laughing like a mad man before we succeeded to at least act normal.

"No, you go first!!" We said at the same time and well this started to be like a crappy movie no one looked at.

"Okay." She said. "You won't tell them? Before I do? Please Bob??" begged she.

"No, I won't. This is really something between you and Gerard, and no one else…" I promised her.

"What is something between Alex and me??" I hadn't noticed that we were standing next to the school and that Gerard had been coming up behind Alex. He smoked on his cigarette and he smirked at us.

"Ehm… well like I said it is really none of my business…" I started but I didn't have to, Gerard only had eyes for Alex.

"Cigarette?" he offered the two of us. I took one but Alex shakes her head refusing to take one.

"No… I kinda trying to quit so nothing for me…" she said.

"But that's can't be the thing between you and me!!" Gerard said and looked nervous.

"No but I'm not gonna tell you here…" she avoided Gerard's eyes and stared down into the ground.

"Come on?? Is this about yesterday? Why you were so mad?? Or…" he whispered so I wouldn't hear what he should say. "Is it about me and you and our dirty little secret??"

"I'm not gonna tell you today, and especially not here!!" she said and left together with Frank who came just when she said the last.

**Frank. **

Alex and Gerard. Gerard and Alex. Way and Bryar, Bryar and Way… The perfect couple. Not only did they look so damn cute together, both of them were pale like two vampires. And then there was their scars on their wrists and the fact that when they stood next to each other it looked like they were kind of meant to be together… But it wasn't only their similar looks who made them such a great couple… it was their whole mentality I guess. They were both depressed and self harming. They would be happy together. I thought to myself bitter, I knew that even if I wanted Alex for my own that would never be an option again because I had said no thanks and now I had lost the only person that really meant something for me, well except for the guys.

This was the first thing I realized when I came to school Wednesday morning.

"Hi Frank!" Alex said when she stormed away from Gerard and her brother, she looked pissed off. At this point I realized that we officially hadn't said anything to the guys about the fact that we had broken up.

"Hi… are you mad about something?"

"No… no nothing really…" she mumbled to herself.

"We should tell the guys… about our breakup… so you and Gerard can be happy together…" I started.

"Yeah… but there is more than you know about so stop think you know everything about everyone!!"

"Okay okay, just chill a little!!" I mumbled and we got into the classroom just when the lesson started.

"Sooo… the little emokiddo needs help??" Mr. Carlzon leaned forward when Alex asked for help. "Well you aint getting any from me, you should have listened when you had the chance!!" he said with the biggest smirk I ever seen before continuing to one of the bimbos where he simply stood and looked into her cleavage and probably not helping a lot.

"Jackass!!" I said out loud when he was gone, I looked back into my math book. I didn't get a word… but who needs math anyway?? I'm gonna be a rock star I thought to myself and giggled. I didn't realize until the lesson was over that Alex was crying because of the son of a bitch…

**Lunch.**

Mikey and Alex had gone to our regular table as me went out to smoke and find Bob and Gerard.

"There is someone missing…?" I lit up as I realized that.

"Yeah… Alex is quitting." Gerard laughed before continuing. "The booze is getting to your brain boy…" he said and both Bob and he stated laughing out loud.

"That wasn't funny…" I mumbled and walked into the school.

The day passed by slowly, we decided that we all should meet at the Way house at five. I got there half an hour early by everyone was already there, and Gerard was actually a bit drunk.

After a while Gerard leaned over and whispered something into Alex ear, and it ripped my fucking heart apart and that made me drink even more than I had planed before…

I had brought my guitar, we were ready to create. And we actually did. Some shit became written. At nine all of us were so drunk I don't even remember if I actually made out with Bob or not… Well I didn't see Alex drink at all; she took some small sips from a coffee mug and she was sitting with a comic book in her lap, reading while we were drinking and writing and playing. I had tones of fun… I think… well what you don't remember can't hurt you right?

**Okay... what did you think?? i need feedback people!! ^^ **


	51. Chapter 51

**Okay since it was Gerards birthday fridays and i didn't succed on updating then this chapter is for him^^ ****quoting Mikey Way: _"artist, writer, visionary, father, brother, dungeon-master, future rock legend" #HappyBdayGerardWay" _I think he forgot HERO!!  
**

**Alex.**

"Hello Mikey!!" I shouted to my mate when I saw him walk in the hallway before the first class.

"SHHH…" he whispered when he heard me. "I'm so hangover it isn't even funny!!" he used his whole body when he talked and he looked hilarious!!

"HAHAHAHA darling I always find that funny… and you look darn good in sunglasses!!" I giggled. "You see why I didn't drink last night? Where is dear Frankieboy by the way…?" I asked.

"Ehm…" he started. "Lover boy is probably lying over a toilet being sick. You saw him yesterday…" I must have made face because Mikey stopped and just stared at me.

"But lover boy isn't lover boy anymore??" he still talked with his whole body.

"Damn you are smart when you are hangover!!"

"Are… you… fucking my brother??" Mikey slowly said and stared at me.

"Why are you assuming that I'm fucking someone?? And your brother for that matter?" I said and I could feel the blood rush to my face and making my cheeks burn like a fire.

"Well first of all you are a human, and well fucking is niiiice… second Gerard has been happier than ever and he must be fucking someone. And I think it is you, how else could it be? And why would you ever blush like that if I wasn't right??" Mikey smirked.

"Fuck you…" I said with a smile and Mikey just giggled.

"Nah why should you, you are already doing my brother!!" He said as Mr. Green came into the classroom and started the lesson.

"Do we have math next?" I whispered to Mikey.

"Ehm… yes." He answered.

"Are we skipping?" Mikey nodded.

**Frank. 6 am. **

Cold. Oh so cold. And uncomfortable... Why is my bed so fucking uncomfortable and cold tonight? I opened my eyes and realized that I wasn't in my bed, not even in my room… it was dark around me and wet. I stroke my hand trough my hair as I sat up from the unknown place where I was lying. Somehow I found a piece of wood in my hair.

"Did I come home last night?" I said out loud as I watched the ground under my converses. "Probably not… How much did I drink?" I tried to remember the night, my brain wasn't working fast but after some minutes I came up with some things that probably had happened.

Gerard whispering something into Alex ear, me drinking… a lot… And I think I made out with Bob, but I'm not sure it could have been Ray to…

"So… where am I?" I looked around and saw the familiar house I usually called my home, I slowly walked inside and collapsed in my bed.

**An hour later. **

"Frank for crying out loud, you gotta get up for school now!!"

"Uhhhrgg." I made a sound before dragging myself out of the bed to face my mother in the kitchen.

"Are you hangover?" my mother is so fucking clever…

"No…" I'm probably still a little bit drunk if I know myself, I wasn't in any good condition to go to school but my mother is not leaving until later today so I can't stay home either.

I helped myself to a nice and warm cup of coffee and I almost threw up in my mouth.

"The toilet is mine!!" I screamed as I ran to it, I threw up when I came in there. I sank down at the floor with the feeling of being empty. Not only in my stomach but also in my soul. I was heartbroken for the first time and it was killing me so I closed my eyes before the tears fell down over my cheeks. I looked at my arm, a pink scar looked back at me and reminding me of Alex. I dragged myself out to my room and I found a cigarette butt lying around and lit it up, I lay down at the cold floor dragging the smoke into my lungs, why does this cold keep on following me around??

I didn't want to meet myself in a dark alley right now; I probably looked more like a man capable of raping some random chick than a high school student…

"Frank get ready, I'll drive you!!" my mother screamed from downstairs and I slowly started to dress, all black, I caught a look at myself in the mirror downstairs, I removed some the wood from my hair, wiped off the dirt off my face and run upstairs to get myself a pair of sunglasses.

**Mikey. **

"Mr. Way would you please take off those sunglasses?" someone hit me and I realized I had fallen asleep during the film.

"Mikey!!" Alex whispered when I looked around myself probably looking like a fool.

"Mr. Way take off those sunglasses and please pay attention or else you will get detention and we don't want that will we?"

"No…" I answered and did as I was told and the teacher stated at me when he saw my tire face.

When the lesson was over I was about to text my brother to beg him to follow us to Starbucks around the corner, but I received a text from him first saying the exact same thing. I laughed a little but then I realized my head was killing me so I stopped and I saw Frank walking towards Alex and me. Had he a piece wood in his hair…?

"Wazzup dude?" I said and we hugged in a very manly way… Alex just laughed at us. "We got math next so we are meting the guys at Starbucks, ya coming?"

"When I can go at math??" then he started to laugh and followed me outside.

**Gerard. **

Well just like everyone, well except for Alex who had been 100 percent sober last night, I was hangover like hell, but it didn't bother me as much as it seemed to be bothering my friends, I was more or less used to get to school hangover, with a head that should be killing me but I liked the physical pain more than I liked the psychic so I enjoyed it, not every second of course but still.

"Frank, are you okay?" I asked when I saw my friend, almost green in his face when he stepped into the Starbucks and smelled the coffee.

"No… I can't stand the smell of coffee when I'm hangover…" he said and pushed his had against his mouth before making his way to the restroom, he came back fifteen minutes later, he was pale but at least not green anymore.

"Did you bring the stuff you guys did yesterday?" Alex smiled trying to act as everything was normal, but I could tell something was wrong, but what? I still didn't know what Bob said was between her and me.

"I totally did." I said with a huge smile and took out the paper. It was filled with misspellings and looked like hell but there was some beginning to some kind of lyrics.

_The amount of pills I'm taking, counteracts the booze I'm drinking  
and this vanity I'm breaking, lets me live my life like this  
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in  
Well I'll choose the life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making  
and the beauty that I'm faking lets me live my life like this  
And well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say  
Oh baby let me in  
Oh baby let me in_

"I seriously don't remember writing this…" Frank mumbled and I petted him on the head then we all ignored him when Alex started to talk.

"This is good, seriously good. I would totally listen to this!!" then she took a bite from her sandwich. Her hands were shaking and she kept on stroking her hands over her jeans, I would say she was nervous. All the sudden she put her hand over her mouth and ran away, thank god we were all alone in the coffee shop.

"Gerard, she is probably in the restroom and I'm pretty sure you should talk to her right now." Bob said and I could feel everyone's eyes in my back when I slowly walked towards the place where Alex was hiding.

There was only one toilet and I knocked on the door.

"Go away for fucks sake!!" she was crying.

"Alex, I love you please talk to me. Something is wrong and I want to know!!" no answer from her. "Alex, open the door. Please darling!!" And she did actually listen, the door opened and I found her sitting on the floor crying. I walked in, closed the door and sat down next to her and held her hand.

"Do you really wanna know why I've been acting so wired?" Alex screamed to me.

"Calm down and yes!! Please, this is killing me!!"

"You don't want to know, it is a mess!!" she whispered through tears.

"Alex, I love you, and if I didn't love you do you think I would be here with you begging you to tell me."

"But you are gonna hate me!!" she moaned.

"Alexandra Bryar I love you with my whole heart!! Now please tell me!!" I whispered.

"Okay Gerard…" My I held my breath. "I'm…

**Yaay a cliffhanger :D anyhow please review!! or else i will get mad and we don't want that!! just let me know what you think!! :)**


	52. Chapter 52

**Okay this is a short one, and I'm sorry for that, I just thought it was better this way, and I don't have any time to write a longer one and it was a really mean cliffhanger so you shouldn't hate me. And you don't have to agree on that is better this way, just read and review, I got so much more reviews than usual on the last one... do I really need to tell you to do such a simple thing??**

"I'm… No Gerard I can't tell you that you are gonna be a fucking father in a shitty Starbucks toilet!!" she said.

"So where are you gonna tell me this then? Outside, in your room, at my parents… WAIT DID YOU JUST SAY I'M GONNA BE A FUCKING FATHER??" suddenly I realized what she said. And my heart skipped a beat.

"Yeah, we should have been more careful…" Alex whispered. "I'm sorry if I'm gonna mess your life up… and I understand if you don't want to se me ever again…"

"Are you stupid?? I love you!! And we are gonna have a little baby. Alex we are gonna have a little you, together." Tears fell over my cheeks, I was so happy.

"Or a little you!!" She laughed and kissed me. "And I love you too!!"

BONK!! Someone was hitting on the door.

"Sir?? And miss?? You have been in there way too long. Sex in the bathroom is not legal here!!"

Alex and I looked at each other, she giggled a little, and messed up her hair, then mine, I dried off my tears then we came out.

"Sorry… ehm… Dennis." I read from the sign on the guys clothes. "We didn't know. I hope you forgive us!!" The guy just stared at us when we walked up to the table where the rest of the gang was sitting.

"Okay I know that something is screwed up, I don't know what but will someone for crying out loud tell me what the heck is going on??" Mikey was asking and I first looked at Frank, then Bob and then at Alex.

"Are you or me gonna tell??" I whispered.

"I can." Alex whispered.

**Alex. **

"Mikey, you are gonna be an uncle. I'm freaking pregnant." I giggled. Mikey opened and closed his mouth three times and looked a little bit like a sheep when it is on a filed and are looking stupid… or maybe a fish…

"WAIT?? You lost me here!!" Ray said slowly. "Frank, I though you and Alex was a thing. And now Alex are pregnant with Gerard??"

"We broke up. And now they are having a baby…" Frank said with a low voice. "Congrats dudes!!"

"Yaaay!!" Mikey seemed the have realized what was happening. "Congrats!! I whish you the best!!" Then they all jumped up and hugged us. Well everyone except for Frank. He gave me a quick hug and then one for Gerard before he left the coffee shop.

"I'm gonna check on Frank, you better stay here…" I whispered to Gerard, he nodded and I left.

"She needed some fresh air." I could hear Gerard explaining when I walked out of the door.

"Frank!!" I screamed after him. "FRANK!!! WAIT FOR ME!!" he slowed down and turned around. He was crying and opened my mouth to say something.

"Spare me it Alex. I don't want to hear it anyway!! You know it!!" he said and sounded bitter.

"Frank, would you please listen to me??" and once again I cried.

"Okay…" he lit up a cigarette and looked at me.

"I'm sorry it turned out this way. It was just something that happened…"

"I'm sorry too Alex. I'm sorry about the fact that you gonna be stuck in a relation that will be the death of you!!"

"Why are you such a bitch??" I screamed.

"Because I still love you, are you really that naïve that you can't see that??" he looked at me before he turned away and ran away from me.

"I love you too I whispered out in the air."

**Yaaay. Now tell me ^^ or else… I won't update anymore!! :'D I promise… **


	53. Chapter 53

**Sorry for the lack of updates... i've been so bussy doing other stuff... school, being ill, fencing, competitions, boyfriend and yeeaah other stuff.. here is the next chapter, i know it sucks because i'm so darn tired and i almost did something very bad to Alex... So if you don't want this story to fail... REVIEW NOW!! ^^  
**

"Alex… what is going on babe?" I turned around and looked at Gerard.

"Frank is mad at me, for being with you." I said and whipped the tears away.

"Is he still in love with you?" He looked at me with his beautiful eyes and I nodded.

"So what are we gonna do about the little thing?" I asked.

"Keep it or not you mean? Are you ready to be a mother?" Gerard looked at me and touched my hand.

"I want it. I can't just kill something that is growing in my stomach… ready or not, but Gerard, are you ready to be a father?

"Are you ready I'm ready!" he said and kissed me gentle on my lips.

"Come on lovers we are headed back for school!!" Bob screamed behind us and we broke apart.

"I got art class now but I want you to come to my place tonight so we can talk. Is that okay?" Gerard asked and I nodded when we went separate ways.

**Gerard. **

Well that was kind of a surprise; I never excepted her to be pregnant. And I kinda got my whish; I think we are a couple.

When I walked home with Mikey I could sense that something was wrong. My brother was really quiet and looked at me with some kind of disgust but at the same time admiring.

"Mikey, why are you so quiet?"

"I just can't believe that you knocked Alex up… you know it is kinda ironic, she has always told me to be safe and then she is the one getting knocked up." He shock his head.

"That can't be all?" I wanted to know what was bothering my brother.

"Well how are you gonna tell mum and dad that they will be grandparents?? And you do get that you need to stop the fucking drinking. You can't take care about a little baby if you are an addict…"

"I don't have a problem… fuck you…" I said.

"Yeah I know, not at all. Not at all…"

Alex came over later that evening and Mikey and I had still not said a word to each other.

"Okay… this was cold. Ice cold." She said when she climbed the stairs to the basement.

Me and Mikey sat at one wall each and stared at each other. Me smoking and sipping vodka from a glass. Mikey sipping coffee.

"Come on Alex, we need to talk." I said and grabbed her by the wrist.

"Let go Gerard." She said.

"Why??" I looked at her and Mikey did the same.

"Because my wrist is hurting, cuts." She simply said and I did as I was told.

**In Gerard's room **

"Okay we are keeping it. But are we together? She asked.

"Ehm… if you want too…" I held my breath. "I love you with my whole heart." I kept on saying.

"I love you too." She said.

**Alex.**

Okay for your information I love them both. But I need to be with the father of my unborn child. I was warm and nervous, so I took off my coat and Gerard was just staring.

"Stop…" I whispered. "Don't judge me Gerard…"

"I don't…" He started before he left me behind in the room.

"Great just great!" I said to myself. "In just one day you succeed to scare off the two men ever loved you and now you are pregnant, probably all alone. And you are screwed."

"_Yes honey, and you made this mess yourself. Give me blood and I know Gerard will forgive you… I will clean up your mess!!" _

"No no NOOO!!!" I screamed to the voice. "I don't want to give you some blood. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

"_Ohh so you rather __are alone with the baby? Now you at least got me…" _The voice kept on teasing to me.

"I rather kill myself than live my life with you." I whispered out loud.

"_All you have to do is giving me blood. __It will heal you broken soul. I promise!! Have I ever failed you before? No never, never darling!! And Gerard will come back to you any second. That fool!! So do it. The pain will be nice. Peaceful!!" _

I tried to fight the voice but it is so scary I rather do as I'm told. I looked around the room and saw a glass of water and I broke it, I held a big piece of glass in my hand and I stabbed it into my left arm. BLOOD, this beautiful thing, the red gold fell over my arm.

"Alex!!!" I looked up and I saw Gerard stumbling into the room, he was drunk. "I never meant… I just…."

"She told me you would come back if…" I tried to hold the tears in.

"Who?? Oh Alex, you shouuuldn't listen to the voices!!"

"And you shouldn't drink, Gerard!!" We looked at each other; Gerard slowly kissed me on my lips. I returned the kiss, it felt so right but also so wrong at the same time.

Though Gerard was drunk he lifted me up and lay me down at his bed. He took a deep sip from his bottle. Then he kissed me again and again.

"No Gerard… I'm tired…" I whispered and he actually stopped and held his arms around me, I slowly fell asleep in his comforting arms.

**Tell me what you think ^^**


	54. Chapter 54

**Okay, i really don't know why i'm writing this so dark... i'm in a dark mode, hope you don't mind...  
**

**Alex. **

I woke up in a dark room, I have no idea how I got there and where I was, someone was lying holding around my body and I crawled out of the tight grip the boy was holding, Gerard. Oh yeah, talking, me screwing things up, voices. Everything came back to me in a second.

"Why is my life so screwed up?" I whispered to none, knowing there wasn't a god listening to my personal thoughts; I stopped believing in that shit the first time I got raped and when I started to hurt myself. I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs but I couldn't wake Gerard up. He slept so peacefully, his usually worried face was now like the face of an angle.

I kissed him on his forehead before walking into the kitchen, fuck, Donna!

"Gerard?" she asked.

"No… it is me…" I shoved myself and she looked confused for a second.

"Hi Alex, what are you doing here?" She smiled.

"Ehm… I fell asleep in Gerard's room, haven't slept well for days… and well…" I started but when I saw the smile at her face I stopped.

"You two are going out together, right?"

"It is complicated…" I shock my head.

"Tell me!!"

"Donna…" I whispered. "I'm pregnant… and Gerard is the father!!" I started to cry and she hugged me, she was the first one to really try to calm me down, helping me deal with the fact that I was gonna be a teen mom.

"Darling…" she whispered.

**Frank. **

I'm gonna shove her. And him!! I thought as I took another sip from a bottle, drinking the very last of the booze. It tasted like hell, but soon I was ready. I waited for the alcohol to hit my head then off to my mission. I took another bottle in my hand then I left the house, not knowing if I ever would see the place again.

**Alex. **

School was lame, I had so much abstinence from the cigarettes my hands was shaking couldn't even hold my pencil properly and I couldn't concentrate at all. The clock moved slowly and I almost faked an illness to get out from the place but Mikey asked me to stay, Frank wasn't seen since Starbucks.

Lunch hour came slowly and I had to force myself to eat the food.

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY!!!" we all turned around to see where the familiar voices owner where.

"What the heck??!!" Gerard said and looked at me. "What is Frank doing?"

"I dunno…" I stood up and tried to se what was going on, my eyes saw Frank coming into the cafeteria, wobbling and yelling. He must have seen me because he wobbled our way.

"He's coming here…" Bob said and gave me a quick hug. "Good luck, I think he wants to see you…"

"YOU!!!" Frank screamed and pointed at me with one of his fingers. "YOU FUUUCKLING WHORE!!!"

"Frank calm down for crying out loud!!" I said calmly and walked towards him, he stopped when he was maybe three meters away from me. He had a bottle in his right hand and….

"_Alex!! It is okay… I know you want!! __Come here and give me a kiss!!" the man, my mothers boyfriend smelled of alcohol. In his right hand he had a bottle of whiskey. I was twelve and my mother was out of town, her boyfriend Fredrik was babysitting me… _

"_No!! Get away from me you fucking pervert freak!!" I screamed and he started to walk towards me. He sipped from his bottle and then he threw it at me, I ducked in the last second but now he was mad…_

"NOOOOO!!" I screamed and all the sudden I was back in the cafeteria, Frank coming towards me like that had brought back old memories I had kept hidden deep inside of me, memories I wanted to forget.

People stared more than they did before… is that even possible??

"Alex!!" Gerard yelled and came to my side supporting my body, helping me to stand up.

"YOU FUCKLING WHORE YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEART!!" Frank screamed and took a sip from the bottle. This was more than I could take at the same moment. My world crashed and all I wanted to do was to hurt myself, Gerard stood by my side holding my arm tight as Frank kept on screaming.

"YOU BROKE MY HEART AND THEN YOU SLEPT WITH GERARD, MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND." All I could do was to stand there and take the shit.

"ENOUGH FRANK!!!" Gerard yelled and tightens his grip around my arm.

"NO!! LET GO OF HER YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!! YOU ARE THE ONE KNO…"

"Frank… no!!" I tried to cut him off but my voice was too weak to stop him.

"KNOCKING HER UP!!"

The cafeteria had been silent until now but people started to whisper as they heard the news.

"You fucking whore!!" someone screamed.

"Frank you go!!" someone else screamed and all the sudden everyone was screaming, except for me. I felt weak, but I didn't want the tears to take over. I saw Bob and Ray lifting up Frank, dragging him outside. Me on the other hand were just standing there holding on to Gerard the hardest I could, I never wanted to let go.

Someone threw a soda on me, I didn't react, I had already given up, I had no strength left but Gerard almost lifted me up and out of the cafeteria, when we were outside on the grass I grabbed his hand hard and opened my mouth saying:

"Gerard I don't want to live anymore. Why can't you just let me die? This is not a fucking fashion statement, it is a fucking deathwish!!"

**told ya it was kinda dark and people don't forget to tell me waht you think!! ^^**


	55. Chapter 55

**I never thought this day ever would come but I'm telling you t****his is the very last chapter in this story. I had other plans on the ending but things happen and well I think this is an end I can live with, can you? I hope you will like it!! And don't kill me if you don't!**

**This chapter is for anyone that read my story, who laughed at it, cried to it, reviewed it and loved it ^^**

**Green Days Time Of Your Life is perfect to this chapter, well at least I think so, you decide!!**

Gerard stared at me and held my hand, tight, he was pale and he had trouble understanding what I had said.

"No, no, that's just the shock from Frank talking, you don't want to die."

"Gerard, I know what I want, don't tell me what to feel." I took a deep breath. "You have been amazing but I just make your life… so much harder. You don't deserve to be unhappy with a pregnant girlfriend. You deserve to be sober and live your life. And you can't have that life with me…" I tried to stop the tears that burned behind my eyes from falling down my cheek.

"Come on Alex!! Think of the baby!! If you die now it dies with you!!" he sobbed and looked at me.

"This world is ugly anyway… I'm not sure I want to give birth to a child in this world…" I whispered I had truly given up.

"Alex, you are crazy!! I love you, isn't that enough for you?" Gerard cried.

I cried so hard I couldn't answer, classes started and ended, I don't know for how long we sat there and cried, but eventually everything comes to an end and so did the tears and the crying. We sat and stared at each other, holding each others hands, I had nothing left to say, I had made my decision.

"Alex, darling, have you given up?" Gerard whispered to me.

"Yes, I have." I whispered back, staring at his perfect face.

"Then I can't save you, I can't save anyone who doesn't want to be save, I'm sorry." He let go of my hand and let his hands rest on my face and then he kissed me gentle on my lips. "Goodbye, my love, don't kill yourself and if you do remember I will always love you. But I can't save you." He whispered and kissed me on my neck before leaving me sitting on the ground.

I sat like a stone on the grass long after he left, I was unable to move, Gerard had always believed in me, and now had the father of my unborn child abandoned me. I didn't blame him.

**Gerard. **

I walked away without looking back, not even once my eyes looked at Alex, little did I know it was the last time I would see her.

My body was heavy and I didn't look at anyone, I walked straight to the basement and filled up with booze until I lay in the bathroom throwing up and later on passed out.

**Alex. **

Minutes passed by and I didn't know what to do, finally I stood up and dragged myself towards home. On the way home I withdraw all the money I had on my credit card, it wasn't much but enough, I walked to the park. I dialled a number.

"What…"

"Frank?" I whispered when he started to speak. "I just want you to know I love you!" then I hung up, calling Mikey.

"Hi Alex, wazzup?" I smiled when I heard his happy voice.

"Not much, I just want to ask you for a favour, take care of your brother, make him sober, and help him to not screwing up his own life!! Remember that I love you both!!" I hung up when Mikey promised me to do the things I had said. Then I threw my phone into the pond, I watched it disappear under the surface.

"Alex!! Where have you been??" Bob greeted me with a worried question.

"Out…" he still looked worried so I quick continued with. "I've been out with Gerard, we talked…" Bob let me walk away to the kitchen and I grabbed a cup of coffee. I went to my room and packed a bag with clothes, things I would need and then all of my razors. I had a plan, I had given up but I couldn't do it here, I rather disappeared. I hid my bag under the bed, then I walked into my brother's room. Bob was lying on the bed, smoking, drinking and listening to music. I lay down next to him.

"I will miss you, Bob!" I said and whipped a tear away.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm off to bed now. Love you!!" then I walked off to my room, I picked up my bags then I called a taxi and went to the airport, leaving the town.

**Eight months later.**

I walked out of the hospital holding my little perfect baby, Frank Gerard Bryar, in my arms. My body was acing but I couldn't care less about that at this moment when I held the little boy.

The night I left I decided what names the growing baby in my stomach would wear if it was a boy; I had taken the names from the two men I loved with all my heart. The little baby boy had the same big hazel eyes as his father, he looked like an angle and I didn't ever want to let go of my son.

I picked up my phone and called my roommate, Michelle.

"Hi!! Is he amazing?" she asked and I giggled as an answer. "Take a cab and get your skinny ass here and show me your baby!!" she said and hung up.

I jumped into a taxi and it took me to the apartment, Frank was sleeping in my arms, his face reminded me of Gerard and all the sudden I felt guilty for leaving him. But technically it was he who had given up on me, which was my only comfort.

"HI!!" Michelle opened the door when I had ringed the bell. "Hello darling!!" She smiled at the little boy I handed over to her. "His father must bee very good looking! He is amazing! Hiii Frankie!"

"No, my little Frankie is not amazing, he is perfect!"

Later on that evening I was lying in my bed, I couldn't sleep, Frank was sleeping in his cradle but all I could think about was Gerard, I hadn't talked or seen any of the guys since the day I left and I didn't know if Gerard or Frank for that matter was alive.

**Gerard. **

We packed our stuff into the van, Frankie and I had made peace after our fights over Alex. It was late, we all had drunk a lot and we had just finished the very first My Chemical Romance show. I was… well kinda happy but I couldn't stop thinking about Alex, and the baby whom should have been born around now.

The next morning I checked my email, a lot of shit from facebook, people telling me they loved the show. And there a mail from an unknown address. I opened it and a picture of a girl and a little beautiful baby boy filled the screen.

"Alex!!" I whispered and I couldn't believe my eyes. I just stared at the picture; I couldn't believe she was still alive. I had cried my eyes out when we found out she had left, we all had, she had been amazing and we all missed her, believing she was dead.

Then I saw a message, I read what it said out loud with mixed feelings.

_I never killed myself, I was going to but I couldn't kill someone created by you. I live in an apartment with a nice girl and I'm doing well… _

_I won't tell you where I am because you will just come and find me and I've created a mess already… _

_This is your son, born 2 days ago; he is named Frank Gerard Bryar__, named after you two. I just wanted you to se your little one. This is the last you will ever hear from us. _

_Love you forever._

_xoxo Alex and baby Frank _

**Well this is the end my friends, I hope you have enjoyed this story as much as I ****have enjoyed it!! I think this is kinda sad, isn't it. Probably because I for once actually let someone read my stuff and that I wrote it in English, I'm proud over myself… :'D**

**This started out like a project for me to get a better grade in English but became a therapy for me and now I'm addicted and you will see more stories**** from little me in the future!! I have got to know a lot of crazy, wonderful and amazing people!! I love you all. You know how you are ^^**

**Don't forget to let me know what you think, if you have read this chapter and NOT reviewing I'm seriously gonna come after you and slowly kill you. Or something… **

**No seriously review or else I'll get sad and that is never good… **

**Xoxo WeAreAllABunchOfLiars **


End file.
